Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Can we start a list of things that we can expect divorcing spouses to do? I know I am dealing with evil, but I guess I don't have an evil enough mind and I am blown away already by some of his maneuvers!

What (negative) has happened to you by your spouse? I know my spouse is tricky, how about yours?

1) Almost 2 weeks ago he traded in our truck. I was on the title. He "schmoozed" the dealership into believing that I didn't have to sign the title! I couldn't believe it!

2) Tried to get me to lift an order for protection for "marriage counseling" purposes but what he really wanted was to force me into mediation and try to get me to give him title of the truck!

3) This one really amazes me: I got a call from MY bank (nothing to do with him) and he tried changing the address! They called me because they thought that was weird!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
4) Contact umpteen attorneys and tell them your story so that it is a conflict and they cannot represent your wife after you abuse her.

(I know that one because so far I have contacted 39 attorneys and it is a conflict for them to represent me!)

5) Retain an attorney that sits on the board at legal services so that she cannot get pro bono or free or reduced legal services. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

6) Tell wife you need to refinance so that you can take advantage of the interest rates being low. Then promise her that you will finish the remodel you started 3 years prior. Then take the $38,000 remodel money out of the bank to leave her penniless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

7) Try to con your wife into signing a $200,000 construction loan for a spec house and hope she does it before she finds out you have closed another joint account. She thinks you are just getting to be trustworthy with money but you hae a surprise for her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Oh, my gosh.. I can't believe this one!

8. Put child up to throwing a fit if mother doesn't give extra time to the dad. (mother has 60% dad has 40%.) I just found out that it was part of a child custody strategy to infringe on my time with my child! I always was told that the best thing to do was to be FLEXIBLE to allow the child to have QUALITY time whenever possible with BOTH parents! Now I find out that he is going to try and show that I don't want my child! UNBELIEVABLE!

Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 617
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 617
TNT,
sorry to hear all you are going through. Advice is the same though. Keep working on the lawyer and keep the distance from H. And do everything you can to minimize even talking about your H in front of son.

I am so sorry hon,
hugs,
SP

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 3,830
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 3,830
trustntruth,

I have been following along with your story ever since you were on Women's Bible Study, and I have a quick question for you. See my email at the bottom of my signature line? Will you please email me the state in which you live (not your address--just the state)? I have lots of legal connections, and connections for women who have been abused, and I think I might be able to help you find a pro bono or very, very low cost lawyer.

For example, here in Colorado (where I live) is a group that works with abused women called Project Safeguard. It's all lawyers, and they can not/do not work for free, but they give "seminars" and they give the abused person all the paperwork they need for a divorce, and then the abused persone fills it out but they help you. And if a person has questions particular to their case, the they just ask at the "seminars" and they can then answer the question and give the legal advice you need without charging. If an abused person absolutely HAS TO have a lawyer or legal representation (and they often do) then the Project Safeguard lawyers let the party fill out all they can etc. and just charge them sliding fee for the one or two hours IN THE COURTROOM. Thus, instead of thousands of dollars for the paralegal doing photocopying, the abused person does all their own leg-work and only pays for actual court time--and this sometimes saves tens of thousands of dollars.

There are programs like this set up all across the US, and I know the folks who know the folks in almost every state. So email me, okay??


CJ

Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Criseles (not sure if I am spelling that right) is down in the cities (I live in MN) but they have no attorneys to refer me to outside of the cities.

I called the MN battered women's legal advocacy project today. No help, again. They gave me the number of Criseles.

I called Legal Services of NW MN. No help. His attorney is on their board.

I have called 45 attorneys so far. I can hire the attorney that I hired for the OFP, but that attorney wouldn't try the OFP so she talked me into settling without findings. I now know that she did't do me any favors.

I found someone today that will do a $900 divorce through legal services, but my case will probably be a week in court and he will control the case and keep it from being a trial. He said more than likely he would not allow me to have custody and he felt that joint custody creates a ping pong ball effect for child. Some helping attorney, huh? He said I had some stuff going for me but he had stuff going for him too, and he wasn't going to be fighting that hard. He said he would just be getting me divorced.

I really am hitting a closed door there. I will hit the phones on Monday again.

Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,758
Starpony and CJ, What are the things that were strategies your X used that blew you away?

I am just trying to get prepared.

Stepdaughter called tonight and wanted the title to her car and wanted to go through pictures that her dad claims that are in the basement. (he destroyed some of my stuff and ripped through boxes, and threw stuff away down there. I recently went through every box and item and re-organized it and cleaned it up again. I told her I don't know what she is talking about. And she said I was a B**** to her dad and to my son! I told her she doesn't know that and that I am NOT a ___ to my son. She was being very demanding and forceful.

She has a habit of barrowing money and not paying it back. Her dad bought her a car before he left, and put her on our insurance (she hasn't lived with us for 4 years now, lives with her boyfriend and mother) and our insurance policy went up. He put his name on her title of the car and it arrived at my house. I told her she could have the title but that I would like a copy of the envelope because as far as I was concerned the money that she owes is an asset to be divided. She said that everything is her dads and I have nothing and I am being a ___ because I won't let him come to his own house.... Then she said that I was being a ___ because I wouldn't let him come get whatever he wanted. I told her not to come over. She said that I could take my choice, I could let her come over or she would come over with the sheriff. I said I wasn't going to let her come over. She said okay, she would call the sheriff. I called the sheriff and they said that she cannot come over my house and try to come in or they would come over. They suggested that I send the title to my lawyer.

Her disrespectful attitude has prevailed in our marriage, actually, both step daughters have done this throughout the marriage. I remember when he would hit me and the girls would run and unplug and take the phone so I wouldn't be able to call 911. It is documented in one of the police reports - because I ran out of the house and went to the neighbors to call 911.

Joined: May 2004
Posts: 153
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 153
Holy crap! I thought my D proceedings were bad enough!

Good luck finding a good lawyer. That's all I have going for me right now. H is squeaky clean and so am I with any kind of legal jargin.

We're squabbling over a $2,000.00 furnace bill! My lawyer just started laughing. "You have GOT to be kidding me right?" I looked at him and said "No, I'm afraid I'm not."

I guess it makes me feel lucky that we really don't have ANYTHING of value when it comes to splitting property.

My lawyer said not to worry, a lot can change a person's mind in 4 months. And I thought "yeah, a lot can change that he'll be fighting for more than he's already planning to."

As for custody strategies..I can tell you that parenting time does mean a lot. How much time you and your spouse spend with the child will mean all the difference in the end. It will have nothing to do with what you two have done to each other (aside from assult in front of the child and there has to be a police record).

All the court is going to care about is the child. Not about your hardships or your spouses. Only what is best for the child. Watch for a psych evaluation coming. Of course that could help you in the end.

That's all I can say to try to help.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Call your state attorney general on Monday - they usually have a domestic violence policy point person in that office and talk with them about the tactic your husband is using to lock you out of having legal support. You just might find a lawyer that way.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5