I've been having alot of random thoughts lately. Mostly thinking to myself that maybe it wouldn't be so bad starting over again. I'm not sure that I could ever get back what we had before her affair. It's not that I'm giving up but I just am not getting any positive signs from my W. <P>She says she is still not seeing the OM but still needs her space and won't even talk to me. Thats not a very positive thing. I think the only way it would ever work again was if she was truely remorseful. Truely loving and open to me in everyway but right now there isn't even a hint of that. If she came back today I'm sure I would take her back in a second but if she waits much longer I may not.<P>I guess I am discouraged, I read about the positive outcomes and it no longer brings me hope. It just brings me down and I am tired of being so sad all the time. Don't misunderstand me I will always love my W more than anything. I just don't know if she has it in her to make this work.<P>Is this the rollercoaster effect or is this me growing toward being a single person??? I don't know....... Anyone else feel like this ?? <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Dear Rutger, I think you're feeling the effect of the roller coaster ride we are all on.You really have to think about what you want for yourself. Most people are telling me to "throw the bum out". But that just isn't what is best for me. I think , if she isn't there you have to concentrate on making yourself strong. When she is there use plan a to let her know how you feel. I think this is one of the most difficult situation anyone could be in. Nothing needs to be settled tonight. Working through this is a process. I'll be thinking of you.

Hi Rutger - <P>I'm new to the forum although I've lurked here for about six weeks. I know the desparation that you are feeling, my W left me for a rich foreign guy (married with 4 kids no less). I think she wants to be his mistress or something.<P>Sometimes I too feel like throwing in the towel. Other times I pray that we might be able to work it out. It's a shame that an infidelity forum even exists, but I sure thank God that it does. We need to keep encouraging each other daily to just make it through another day and let God work it out.

Thank you Noel. I read your profile and I hope it works for you and your H. I think your right to listen to yourself and what is right for you. I too will be thinking of you and all the other heartbroken souls on this BB. <P> I know what I want in my heart, to be happy again with my W. Being a "fixer" I always have to settle things asap. I know this cannot be one of them. It is hard for me to give her her space but I am slowly realizing that this is a "process" and it takes time... lots of it.<P>What scares me the most is the continuing seperation from my W. I really feel as thought we are getting used to being apart. Of course I can only speak for myself I have no idea what she is going through. I just recently am begining to wake up in the middle of the bed ( when I actually sleep that is ) compared to always sleeping on my side as if she was still there. I guess I am just as confused as she is......<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Thanks Shattered,<P>I'm glad to know that I am not alone... This forum has been a HUGE help to me and all the people on it. I, like you, know that in the end I have no control over this and that where the chips fall is where they lay.