Thank both of you Karona and newly. I know that I can always count on the two of you for support and advice.

As for the BF, Karona, I think you are right. I have been moving in this direction for sometime. I am not making any rash decisions at this point, but am doing a lot of thinking right now.

As for the eligible bachelor, he is actually someone I had met a couple of times that a friend knows and wanted to set me up with ages ago, but the timing was never right. She ran into him the other day and he asked about me stating he'd really like to get to know me better. We'll see...

As for the other situation, I have recommended this site and all of Harley's books. The thing that is so weird to me is that I am friends/acquaintances with both of them and this really crept up on me. It really gives me a whole new appreciation for the other side of the affair thing as boom here it has suddenly escalated from friendly advice to infatuation. I have given him the resources and told him I am staying away. Right now he is very stubborn however, stating I am right, but that it's not what he wants - YIKES!!!!!!! I honestly have not done anything wrong and did not intentionally do this, but it still is freaking me out.

Thanks again for the advice. I really appreciate you guys!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still,

I'm glad to hear that your in the thinking stage. I think you owe that to yourself. This is a time for you (us) to accept opportunities, and see just what is out there for us.
I can only imagine IF I had the same opportunity.
I'm not in a steady relationship, the lines are open as far as dating, but, being that I have only dated this guy, it would be very hard to accept a date from someone else.

It's tuff, but you are doing the right thing by putting thought into it.

Just remember to think of yourself, and try to make Still happy. I think we get so busy trying to please others in our lives, that we forget about our selves.

As far as the friend, I can't see where you have done wrong at all. I think you were being a friend, as you are a friend.
You can't help what he feels, or control how he feels.
I'm sure you are handling this thing gently, and just continue to be cautious, but a friend.
I hope something positive will happen for their marriage.

Take care until I talk to you again.

Keep us posted!!

K.

I have a close friend at work who's male. And I'm good friends with his wife too. They both were great support throughout the D, esp. since he was a child of D. We have a weird relationship where someone would suspect something, but he puts it in different terms. We are like brother & sister.

I'm mentioning it because I view both sides of their M, and can see where they've both made mistakes. And they have a great foundation in the M. He's heard me speak about MB so much, that they went to the seminar in Sept. at his insistance. But, neither one has done ANY follow-up. I see their problems and know little changes can make things even better. But they took what was said and made small improvements, and haven't gone further.

People do what they want, and they get what they want out of it. When I find a great relationship, I hope to use the MB principles to make it the best it can be. No more settling for me. I think we all know that there are great things out there for us in life, and now we know we can get them!

Have a great day ladies.

Thank you both for the continued encouragement.

In my own relationship I do believe that the distance is really mucking things up. That said the idea of what I really want has really got me thinking. I too agree on not settling. Then again, I am always better at being dumped than at being the dumper!

I am keeping my distance with the friend or should I say friends. Right now they are both actively withdrawing and it is frustrating to see when I know how even little efforts can really help, but as you both have said, I can't control it.

Not to say that I think I am unattractive or unloveable, etc., but this whole thing has been so weird. I never would have expected this. It just goes to show how powerful unmet needs are.

Thanks again for the input!

You ladies have an awesome day!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey,
I have been thinking of you Still, and hoping that things are going well, and becoming clearer for you.

What's up for your weekend?

I'm excited about mine. I'm going out of town with several friends. I have never went away for a girls weekend.
We are going to a ski resort area. We won't be skiing, just relaxing, gabbing, dinner, etc.

I have been battling with X somewhat about picking up the girls from school. I live very close to both schools. My oldest has to walk 1/2 mi.However, I'm not comfortable with them walking when I'm not home to make sure they get home safely. Not to mention the sidewalks are not cleared, and they are in sneakers.
According to the decree, he is to pick them up at school on his days/weekends, which this is. He does not pick them up EVER at school. He picks them up anywhere from an hour to two hours after school, at my house.
He let me know how inconvenient this is for him to leave work. As IF it's not inconvenient when they have dismissed early for bad weather, and I had to leave work to get them. To that he said, they should both walk.
He's an ogre! And that is gentle!!

I guess in his opinion, I'm being to soft concerning them. I would only like to go out of town, and not worry about their welfare any more than necessary.

Hope you are having a good day and I wish you a good weekend.

Write when you can.

K>

K,
Does your X live or work within the boundaries of the school district your girls attend?

Hi O,

I don't know exactly how to answer your question.

What I can tell you is, where he currently lives, with his girlfriend, is about 1/2 mi up the road from where we had our home.
When we lived there, and where he still lives, is in a different county. However, when we lived out there as a family, I drove my kids to school both directions every day because of county issue and busing.

He has chosen to live with girlfriend, which is in this other county.
He works about 10 to 15 minutes from the school.

I don't know if this has answered your question, but that pretty much is the deal.

I feel that I have tried to accomodate him so that he does not leave work every week during the day, and do not feel that by asking him to pick them up tomorrow on his regularly scheduled day should be such an imposition.

K.

Karona,

You mentioned busing, so I bet you know where I was going with this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was just thinking that if he lived or worked in your school district, maybe special arrangements could be made that on his day, so that he does not have to take off work, your DD's could ride the bus to his house or place of work. Special busing arrangements are made all the time in our school district. Even for students who do not qualify for or usually ride a bus. Thought it might be more convenient for you (as well as him) especially when the weather is nasty.

Best wishes,
Olyvia

Hi Olyvia,

I appreciate your trying to help me. By the way, I was not aware that they would make arrangements like that.

I wish my girls could ride the bus.
If they did, I would not have the problems that I do. They would always have a safe return.

In the bigger picture of this whole thing is this.
I have just went back to work in October, after being a SAHM for the past 8 years since we moved here. Since the divorce, he has said that I should get a job.
I approached him on these issues, he said at that time, that he planned on doing his share.
I mentioned to him about the girls getting ill (our oldest daughter has health concerns as it is) and the delays, and cancellations of school He let me know at that time, that the majority of the population both parents work, and they work it out. However, now that this has come up, it's not convenient for him.

It's sad that his daughters have become inconvenient for him. The other pathetic thing is, he does leave work early (on the same days mind you) two days a week to pick up OW's D from school.
I have done very well not bringing that up to him, but it's been hard.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
K.

Hey Still,

I have been thinking about you and wondering what is going on in your life and with your BF?
I know you said your computer at home has been down, and I'm figuring that it's not always convenient to get on at work.
BUT, I still wanted to check in with you.

My weekend with the girls went well. My x got off the whole pick up thing as the kids did not have school. The roads were icy.

Nothing really eventful happened over the weekend. Two men did I suppose hit on me, possibly.
One offered me to buy me a drink. Mind you, it's the typical type guy I would attract. He was probably 15 years older, and not very attractive. I thanked him, but no thanks.
The other guy seemed genuine. He gave my friends a laugh with his opening line.
He walked up to me and said:
I just wanted to come and tell you that you look like a young Laura Bush!
I said, well thankyou! I think of her as a very respectful woman. Anyway, he went on to say, he and his buddy were going to another place, and if us girls came, he would buy us a drink. My friends gave him a hard time, and let him know that was a new pick up line.
We didn't go to the other place, but not for that reason. There were a couple girls that were done for the night, so we all went back to the condo.
It was nice to get away, but it was good to come home.

As far as the guy I had been going out with, hmmm, well, he broke it off with me this time.
We have not been spending much time together in the past couple of weeks, and things have been distant. He asked me where I was at with the dating idea, (as in others) and I told him I still would like to try it. I think he is ready for something more serious, and we agreed to not date and see how it goes.
SO, to that, I miss talking to him, I feel an emptiness, but it's probably best. I still have this need to date, and I can't do it with him in my life.

I have to say though. It felt a lot different with him being the one to break it this time. But, as needy as he seems at times, I was proud of him for it. Meaning, I not ready to commit, and he was willing to stay dating me knowing that I wanted to date if the opportunity came up. I think he is growing too, and that is positive for him.

I will have my girls this weekend. I'm not sure what we will do, if anything.
Next weekend, there is a dance at a church that I will be going to with a group of friends.

Fill me in on yourself when you can. I think of you often, and hope all is well.

K.

Hi Karona-

I am so sorry this has taken so long. My computer at home is still down. I believe I will have to take it in, but am totally broke so that will have to wait. It has been nuts at school as well, hence I dropped off the face of the Earth!

It sounds like your ski weekend was a blast. You obviously have it girl, being approaced by two men! I love getting away with the girls. My friends and I do it twice a year and always have a blast. The innocent attention from men always helps boost the ego as well!

I had a busy weekend too. The kids and I traveled out of town one night for a basketball game and overnight in a motel with friends. It was a lot of fun. Then it was back to the reality of life for the rest of the weekend, but it was still nice. This weekend the kids are with their dad. I am heading to another basketball game Friday night with friends and then one of my good friends turns 40 on Saturday so a bunch of us girls are taking her out. I am excited. I gave the boyfriend advance notice that it was a good weekend for him to do guy stuff. No change with him yet. I feel the distance growing, but nothing is stopping it. It is sad how anti-climatic. Who knows what will happen as I don't do well with breaking things off, I guess we will see how things go. Even if we do take a break, I know if it is meant to be it will be.

As for the guy you were seeing, WOW! I know you are probably missing him, but in light of how you are feeling it is probably best for you both. I am surprised he broke it off though. Again, your future is all ahead of you. Enjoy this time, what's meant to be will be.

I better run. I think of you often and will try to find more time. I miss talking to you!

Take care and God bless!
K

Great to hear from you!

You always say the most positive things to me that make things seem lighter.
I have missed my talking to this guy so much. I find myself lost sometimes because we aren't communicating at all.
But, what you wrote makes so much sense. The way I feel is only fair to him. I can not give him more than my heart is able, so it's not fair.

However, this process is lonely, and sad.

Glad to hear you have been busy doing some things yourself.
I will be thinking of you this weekend with your girl time. Enjoy it!!!

I will keep a watch for updates with your BF. Your right, whatever is meant, will be. BUT, that doesn't make the whole process any easier. And it's so true, being the one to break it is awful.
I have done it twice, and its the dreaded.

Take care still. I will think of you!
K.

Hi Karona-

You are a great person, never forget it. The lonliness does stink, but this too will pass.

I am still waffling about my own situation. A good friend and I were talking the other day and she told me the problem is I am comfortable. I love this guy and find him to have a lot of desirable qualities that I am comfortable with. However, she reminded me that as I drag this out I am also closing the door on what may be. We had the whole the grass is always greener talk. Needless to say, I am still undecided. He did call last night and we had a nice talk, but it will be a few weeks before I am able to see him. I guess the time will be good for me.

I am looking forward to the weekend. My class has been totally hyper this week and we are on round two of strep in my house.

It's great chatting with you again. Let's keep it up!

Take care and God bless!
K

It was good to hear from you again.

Your situation is so tuff.
I was wondering if you had heard from this admirer guy anymore.
I'm so excited for you about it, but I'm not sure that's what you want.
I do know how you must feel as far as the boyfriend is concerned. It is not easy at all to hurt someone.
Your friend has a valid point, you never know what could be???
But, you have to be ready to make that decision, and maybe your not there yet.

I feel bad for you as far as the strep goes. That is so nasty. How do you work this with your X when the kids are sick? Do they still go with him?
I hate sending my girls when they are sick. You know kids, they love mom when they are sick.

Thanks again for the pep talk! Your pretty great there yourself.
I'm glad I had the chance to meet you on here.

Take care Still, and enjoy your weekend.

K>

Hi Karona-

I wanted to respond earlier, but I couldn't get logged in. I kept getting error messages.

How was your weekend. Mine was great, but I am still pretty tired. I am not nearly as young as I used to be!

As for the admirer, he went on another date and I have yet to hear how it went. I am not too worried as I don't think I am ready for that anyway. I am leaning more and more to a timeout with my BF though just so I can try to figure out what I want. He is sensing something is wrong, we have talked about it, but nothing is changing. I just hate this.

We are still sick, but handling it. The kids have been on an uproar about having to go to dad's and so of course the XH and his wife are pushing their roles into overdrive. I wish they could just relax and let things be, but I guess that isn't going to happen.

Write back when you get a chance.

Take care and God bless!
K

Hi Still!

I hope you household is well by this time.
It sounds like it hasn't missed any of you.

Nothing happening here too earth shattering.
I went out with friends Friday night. We went to dinner, and a dance type thing that was all couples except for us 4 women. One of these days, I will find out where to hang out.
But, as I have said before, I don't live in the best place for that to happen.

It's been pretty quiet for me.

I have been wondering where your at with your BF. I know you are in a tough spot.
There are no easy answers, but they do always seem to come in time. It's being patient that's the hard part.
Whatever the case, I hope you are doing well with it.

I hope you have a good week.

Write when you can.

Take care,
K

Hi Karona-

Well, I think that we are on the way to being healthy again. So far myself and my oldest daughter are the only ones who have escaped the cycle. Let's hope that holds out.

Well, I did it yesterday. I told the BF that I need some time to figure out what I want. Needless to say he was upset, but he handled it like a true gentleman. This of course makes me feel even worse. He thinks there is someone else - there isn't. I just feel so up in the air. I know in my heart that I have to do this, but I feel absolutely horrible.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Take care and God bless!
K

I'm glad to hear that your family is on the mend. I'm sure you are wore out by now. I know what it feels like when my girls get sick near each other. And you had 3 sick!

Still, you know that I have no advice for you.
I can say, I think that this will be positive for you. I think it will clarify things for you and your BF. I think it will take you to a new place.
Either with him, or without.

I can imagine how it felt to be the one to break it off. It is not fun hurting someone, I know, I have done it too.

I really don't have any great things to offer, but I will respond back to you the best I can.

I feel like such damaged goods as far as in the relationship business.
The guy I had been going out with, still calls me, and wants to go out occassionally. I have told him repeatedly, that I'm not in a good place.
And that I need to time to see my surroundings.
I have gone to dinner with him, but I know I have to keep moving in the direction I am.

I will be thinking of you through this.
Please let me know how you are progressing.

Take care Still,
K.

Hi Karona-

Thanks for the support. I am feeling so guilty right now. I would much rather be hurt than hurt someone. He told me he will respect my wishes and not call and I know he won't. He is just a good guy, but there is something missing and not working. I just feel so badly. It would be different if he were a jerk, but he's not. Granted his priorities are screwed, and the distance is not helping, but other than that he's a good guy.

I find myself reminiscing about the good things we have done and shared. I want to call him, but know that I can't for now. I know if I do I will cave in and I don't think that is best for either of us no matter how difficult this is.

I don't know. I don't have the kids this weekend. I am thinking of getting away by myself to just think. We'll see.

How about you? Anything new and exciting? Plans for the weekend? I could use some cheer!

Thanks again for the support!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still,
I know so much of what you are saying

When I have done this to the guy I had been going out with, I felt bad, very bad. For the same reasons, he is a great guy, would do anything in the world for me. But, there was a piece missing for me too.
For me, I think I met him too soon.

I know exactly what you mean by wanting to call him. There is a huge void in your life right now from not talking to him. There are many times that I want to pick up the phone too.
This guy for me, was such a good listener, and we enjoyed many conversations.

I think it's natural to think about all the good times, and miss them.

I "think" this will be positive for you. You may find that you are missing more by not being with him. And this separation will have taken you both to a new level.
OR,
You may find that you are ready for something else.

Whatever you find, I wish you happiness.

It is not easy, at all. I know the guilt, and the hurt. It sucks, plain and simple!!

I don't have big plans for the weekend.
Friday is my D's ann. of her tumor. She always likes to do something special on that day. So us 3 will go to dinner, maybe go to the mall. Something girlie.
Other than that, nothing big planned.

I wish you and I lived closer, we could go to dinner and talk about life, kids, and these confusing times.

Take care Still.
I think of you often and always wish you the best.

K.