My H left us for a wealthy woman. Not too long after, he was laid of from a job paying nearly 6 figures. After remaining unemployed for over two years, he got a job working at her place of employment for less than a third of his previous salary. The court said that was fine; how could anyone expect him to find a decent job when he was "old" (early 50's). (I sm only a few years younger than he is). Two years later, he has lost that job as well, and is taking me back to court so he can lower his child support again, to virtually nothing.

Meanwhile his lawyer suddenly tells me that he wants to take one of our kids to counseling even though he has not mentioned it in the months since her previous counselor recommended halting the counseling. And he apparently wants her to have dental work done that two separate dentists have recommended against.

I have no money for a lawyer, so once again he will get everything he wants. I went back to graduate school, graduated with almost a straight A average, and am working in a professional position that still does not pay enough to support the children in this part of the country, where my mortgage payment on a 900 square foot house is over two thousand a month - and rentals cost just as much if not more. However, I earn too much to qualify for any government subsidies.

I would have been far better off never to have gone back to work after he left, never to have gone to graduate school, and especially never to have had children with him. For years he at least pretended to be on the same page as I with respect to the kids - he was supportive of homeschooling, we shared a similar philosophy of what values were important to teach. As soon as he left he became a different person. The man who even a few years ago stated that it was very important to him that the kids go to college recently tried to talk our child out of going at this time.

He buys the kids expensive sneakers, wants to send them to expensive camps. He and the OW are putting an addition on her house, he drives an expensive car that she remortgaged her house to buy for him. He has been paying about $40 a week per child in support, not even enough to feed them, and he wants to reduce that.

If I had it to do over again, not only would I not have married him or anyone else, but I would have had children through AI. Once your spouse leaves, if he has the money he gets all the control and virtually none of the financial or other responsibility.

Hi nellie,

I'm sorry about your situation.I too am angered that my WH seems to have forgotten his responsibilities regarding his children.Even though he has at least taken care of us financially for the most part,he thinks that will suffice to make up for any other lost time and care he is supposed to be having with the kids.If me and the kids are in the home and set then he can run off and play pretend with the happy homewrecker.

I don't know where you live but your housing situation sounds like where I used to live,Marin County California.It was absolutely insane out there which is part of the reason we moved to the East coast.

Isn't there any way in which you can nab your exWH for more support? It seems incredibly unfair that he is doing this to his kids.I am sure that the wealthy in money but not brains woman is not as pleased as you might think having to foot the bills for your exh.

I don't know but your (I am assuming you are divroced) exH needs a big ole reality check.Dental work that your D doesn't need? What is that all about? Anyway,I know hindsight is 20/20 but try to focus on how you can get this creep out of your life and pay more.Maybe a new lawyer is in order? Someone to cream his crop for ya? He definitely needs to be taken down a peg.I know you said that you can't afford a lawyer but how about appealing to one for pro bono work?

Sorry,I don't have any answers for you but sympathize deeply with what you are going through.Men!

O

I have tried to find a pro bono or reduced price lawyer, with no success. Unfortunately in this state it appears that the assumption is that once you are laid off, you can't be expected to find any work again. At least the last time he was on unemployment, he had been the major breadwinner so the kids got an extra $25 a week per child from unemployment. Now I can't even count on that.

I am certain that if I were to marry so rich guy and decide to become a SAHM, he would immediately petition the court to lower the child support.

The lawyer I previously used told me that in our state, the court's most important consideration is that the NCP has plenty of money to live on - and this does not take into account support from a rich wife. My H does not pay a penny in mortgage, rent, electricity or heat. I do not think he pays any car payment on his 30K SUV. What motivation does he have to ever work again?

Nellie-

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is so unfair and the courts just don't seem to get it. There has to be some way to make these people accountable for their actions and responsible for their children.

I will keep you in my prayers. You and your children deserve so much better than this.

Take care and God bless!
K

Nellie,

I quite understand your frustration and truly admire your ability to continue to be the best mother you can to your 6 children, despite an X who has effectively been enabled to escape all responsibilities and obligations to the children.

I am sure it gives you no comfort to know that in my opinion and from my own experience, if your X was happy with his newish life and choices , the chances are that he would stop trying to make your life as difficult as possible!

I'm sorry about the struggles you have had and continue to have with your ex.

I know parenting would be a lot easier if my ex would just *poof!* disappear, but I'm glad he attempts to be involved in the kids' lives, for their sake. Just wish he wouldn't use quite so much of *his* time to turn them against me, tell them everything I'm doing is wrong or bad, and/or dump them on his doting mother all day while he sleeps. But I chose him, huh?

I also try to get by without depending on the CS check to be there. My ex actually pays less than $40 a week per child, but I'm in better financial shape without the burden of my ex's spending habits.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by xpButtercup:
<strong> I also try to get by without depending on the CS check to be there. My ex actually pays less than $40 a week per child, but I'm in better financial shape without the burden of my ex's spending habits. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This just amazes me . . .

My friend pays over $1,000/month for two kids . . after taxes and the CS he has about $800/month for rent, car, food, etc. The midwest is pretty hostile to fathers or he had a real bad lawyer.

Your friend probably makes more than $10/hr. ... that is what my ex reported making when it was set.

Thanks everyone for the support.

The law states that imputed income can be used when one party is earning less than they are capable of earning should they wish to - but as far as I can tell, that law is completely ignored.

It would be fine if my H were actually involved in the kids' lives, but he rarely is. He displays little interest in what is going on in their lives, and then has the audacity to tell them that just because he doesn't ask doesn't mean he is not interested. Most importantly, he does not care if they have enough to live on - or rather, he expects me to be able to provide everything they need financially by pulling a rabbit out of a hat.