Ok here goes - as many of you know the other woman lives next door to me - and she has since this all started - I am now officially divorced two years - but lets face it there are still some huge bad feelings here... My kids have nothing to do with her - and they well don't really have much to do with their dad either but ... Now something happened on Saturday - and I have been accused - some graffitti was written on her car with some stuff - that was easily rubbed right off - but she has gone off of the deep end - called the police - I have spoken to the police and they have pretty much told me - that no damage was done - so lets just leave it all alone - well she called and threatened me - OK fine whatever... But what I am getting at - is that she went off on my kids - told them and me I was a horrible mother because my girls don't spend alot of time with their dad - and it is up to me - to make them go with him... NOT HIM mind you me...He goes over to her house - when her children are not home - only when mine are and they get upset - their relationship is still after three 1/2 years of being together - still very hush hush - it is none of anyone's business what is going on...that is what they say... Yet my girls have to see him go over there.... And now because of this minor incident she is really threatening to have him over all of the time... and yet - now if he starts going over there more and more - and he starts not getting along with his girls more and more - It is gonna end up being my fault again... Because well I am a horrible mother --- Do they ever understand - that it is not only about them but about the kids also??? I mean will the blame ever stop being put on me??? When in fact I didn't do anything wrong?? The two of them are the ones that chose to ruin two families - lie to their spouses and their children - and yet she remains there - making me and my kids feel absolutely totally like we can never get away from it... So how do I handle this woman living next door to me... ??? I am not going to move to give them the satisfaction of letting him move in to her house.. We built this house five years ago - my girls are happy there - and the three of us - did nothing... They are the ones that did something... Is the blame ever gonna be taken off of me....

Your situation is beyond cruel. The neighbor is evil, undilluted evil.

You can write her, keeping a copy of your letter

"Neighbor,

You are never to speak to me or to my children about anything, ever. If you dare to tell my girls anything, if you try to lecture them on my parenting skills, if you so much as say "good morning" to them, I will get a restraining order against you. None of us was involved in the graffiti on your car. Shame on you for filing a false report with the police.

I will not allow you to do any more damage to our family. My girls are disgusted that their dad committed adultery and broke up their family for his affair with you. They want nothing to do with their father and I will not force them to visit him.

Do not bother me and my family again.

maw64"

Sound clear enough?

What a horrendous situation. This is awful for you and the children.

My suggestion is to ignore her and all her threats. You will be blamed no matter what you do simply because this works and misplaces so much of the real issues in their relationship.

Last year my son was threatened by X's wife (OW) . I was then threatened that if I did not do a, b and c to appease her anger, she would involve police. I refused and told my son, that if she does what she threatens, then he will do what he needs to to defend himself. X stood by and blamed son/myself for his bad marriage (2 weeks into this marriage!) and the fact that his wife is a drunk and pops prescription pills and does drugs. (She always did!) No real action was taken by the wife, but she continued this form of intimidation 2X more.

I again told my children to always treat threats as ACTIONS and should she ever threaten them again, they are to lay harassment and intimidation charges . I informed X and his lawyers that if a similar situation occured again, I would not hesitate to take whatever legal action I could and so would the children.

I never heard another threat. If my children have, they do not tell me!