Why do we fight for our marriages? affair after affair, but we still fight! It is absolutely devestating knowing that your spouse had choosen someone else over you, yrs together, children together, but still they leave! Doesn't make sense to me at all. Being in a relationship with my OM seemed to be justifiable because my H was living with OW, but I was never able to justify it. Even though OM fullfilled most all of my needs I still couldn't justify it. I was in a relationship with OM from Oct. to Feb. this time. I truly believed that I loved him, that he was a gift from God, that I deserved to be loved by him because my H rejected me over and over. It just never sat right in my heart though. I was in the fog, but came out of it. I had been in it before, but never realized until this time that I had never let it go.<p>It's possible though. I met OM after my WH left me 4 times in 7 months. My WH made it so clear to me that he was in love with OW and that we were to divorce. I had no hope left. I gave up. I hated men for a week, that is until I met OM. He seemed different. Had been divorced before. His wife left him, so he knew what I was going thru. He could understand the pain I was feeling and comforted me. Big mistake!!! This for me was a rebound relationship even though I didn't know it at the time. Here all of a sudden is this wonderful man who cares about me, who will go out of his way to make me smile, who thought that I was so beautiful inside and out! Just what I needed! But deep down I had only wanted that from my husband, but I couldn't see what was happening to me. All of a sudden I could see myself with a new life, a new husband, a whole family again....I had hope again that life will still go on. It felt so wonderful that I fully believed that this must be God's doing, that he allowed all of this to happen because he wanted me to have something better. OM is a christian and the whole package just looked so good, so right! The devil really does deceive! <p>I have always been a christian that I could remember. When I met my H, I clung to him and smothered him and I made him God. I was living wrong. I put my H before God, and I never realized this until we split up. I always felt inferior, low self-esteem, never felt good enough. I used my H to make me feel good. Wrong! God set me straight! I began putting God first, in his rightful place. I started going to church again, reading the bible every day, listening to worship music, witnessing to people. A fire grew in me for the Lord. I finally let God take control, finally! This is what HE had been trying to accomplish in me from the beginning. I wouldn't let him. It has taken me almost 3 yrs. of this to realize what he was trying to show me!!!! <p>OM and I would read the bible together, go to church, I thought this was just great, that I was going in the right direction, but God had other things in mind. The more I put my trust in the Lord, the more that I put him first, the more guilty I felt, the more HE convicted me. Thank God for that! Thank God! God allowed me to see my mistakes I was making. He set my heart straight and cleared my head really for the first time thru all of this. I broke away from OM, slowly but surely. Took me about a month to get over how much I was hurting him. We never want to hurt the OP. I realized there was still hope in my heart for my H. I still loved him. I didn't understand this. The more I read God's word, the easier it was to see myself in my husbands shoes, the easier it was to forgive him, to love him, to have hope again. This was so strange for me. Here it is again all of a sudden. My H was living with OW. What was I going to do now??? <p>My 12 yr old daughter had been having such a hard time with school, grades, friends. I was so stressed and going out of my mind. I knew the pain I was going thru, but never ever wanted my children to go thru it too! My H and I talked alot about the kids...it gave me a reason to call him. I started making changes in myself. I witnessed to my H about my mistakes with OM, with God, with kids, etc.... I didn't point fingers anymore. I told him of the feelings I still had, etc....it took close to 2 months for him to move out of OW's and into his parents. I couldn't believe it. Was it still possible to salvage this whole thing, to have my marriage back again, even better than before because of all I had learned, changed! <p>Currently: I am in love with H. I am over OM. I believe in God, trust in HIM. I have learned to like myself for who I am alone. (Something I had never been able to do!) I have absolutely refused to give up on H or Marriage! I am taking back what the devil stole from us. You really have to get mad at the devil. He is the deceiver here. He is the one that whispers...just do it, who's it going to hurt! Of course I have ups and downs, sometimes major sometimes minor, but refuse to give up. I won't give in to it. It may snag me for a while, but I have learned to reach for God's hand and he pulls me back up. Right now, HE is my husband, my comforter, he loves me unconditionally. Thank you Lord! He is the answer here, he is always the answer! I can be OK right now, because I KNOW that God's plan for me is wonderful. I am taken care of. I will be taken care of. My strength to survive this, to lose the bitterness, to forgive, to better myself only comes from God and his love! Thank you Father for never leaving me! He will see us thru all of this mess! Ok you guys??? I felt like witnessing today. Hope you don't mind! lol It feels good to feel good! Just my thoughts....

bumping....<p>I would be interested in hearing some comments!!! Thanks!

Hi, Beth.<p>I haven't posted in almost 6 months (just lurking for occasional encouragement and sympathy) but felt compelled to respond to your email. It was if someone had opened my life and spelled it out in your post. Your situation was so similar to mine it was eerie. <p>It touched me deeply. My husband and I have spent the last six months or so separated and at one point during the separation I was involved in an PA and EA. It was very difficult to end mostly because I had given my heart to him and he too was a Christian and met so many needs that my husband failed to meet. Not to mention the support and "love" he gave me during a very desperate period in my life. I really believed and sometimes still struggle with the thought that maybe I was meant to be with him. I did end our relationship over a month ago and have since had no contact with him but since then it has been extremely difficult for me not to contact him because my marriage has since taken a turn for the worse in that my husband's OW is now pregnant and in my mind that was the final straw.<p>Part of why I also ended my relationship with OM was because I knew in my heart it wasn't right. I had so much guilt and no matter what, I wanted God to bless my life and any "future" relationship He may have for me. I also knew OM was not God's will for me at least right now because I am still married and even though he's been separated for a year, he's still married.<p>I also still loved my husband. We have so much history and a part of me, while I've been so bewildered by his behavior, believes in his heart he wants to do the right thing. But this OC situation has really sent me off the deep end. My husband has broken my heart - that was just the nail in the coffin for me. I'm just amazed how he can walk around as he is - I think if I were in his shoes, if my actions hadn't brought me prostrate before God I would have jumped off the highest bridge from the embarrassment, humiliation and loss of respect from his peers, family and community. I don't even feel as if I know him anymore. It's really sad to me - and a total disappointment. <p>But I am slowly putting my life back on track and like you said, God can and will be our all if we allow him the room in our hearts and lives. I too agree that I had in many ways put my husband before the Lord and gave him precedence before my spiritual walk and I know God is a jealous God. Even with all the pain in my life, I feel his presence and I know he still "works all things together for good for those who love Him". My prayer is for my emotional well being - to move on and to be able to forgive my husband one day for destoying our family, my dreams and breaking my heart.<p>Anyway, I meant for this to be a response to your email and I apologize for "venting". Unfortunately, it still hurts and stinks.<p>Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I'll keep looking out for your posts from time to time.