How do some of you cope with fathers who do not seem the least bit interested in their kids. We have an 8, 6, and 2.5 yr olds kids. A year ago H tells me he is not in love with me and never has been pressured into marriage etc. Our marriage was not perfect but he was always a workaholic and then became involved in pranic healing and now tells me we were never meant to be, and that he has had past lives with this other woman and they are meant to be, really long story. Anyhow he comes here in the mornings while I am going to school full time and takes the kids to school and picks them up after school and then leaves. He does not see the kids on the weekends at all and refuses to take them to any sports he tells me if I wanted them in it that is too bad for me and I will somehow have to arrange it around my schedule. He has now admitted that he is having a relationship whith this other woman who is also going through a divorce, but they are not living together yet. I am pretty sure he probrably had an affair with her now he feels they are soulmates. What are their chances of that relationship working out? I feel like he makes time for his healing and her on the side of his work, so how come not his own kids?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> so how come not his own kids </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because he's an A$$

Sorry, but I am a father of 4 and they are the 4 most important things in the world to me. Any time I hear of anyone not giving the attention to their children that they need and should have, I get a little upset.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
WIWH

Hi, I remember you. It was obvious where he was heading when I read your posts. You weren't fooled, and neither were the MB people.

So sorry that he left you with all the responsibilities while he indulges himself. Ugh. But I hope you are healthy, and that the kids are healthy, and that they know their Mommy loves them.

Thanks for the posts. It has been a really tough year for me. I am going through school taking the LPN course and I will be finished in December. I have had to do everything with the kids, baths, lunches, home reading, up when they are sick, housework etc. He refuses to do any of these things but he feels like he is so contributing because he is paying for the bills and he acts like I should be so thankfull to him for this. He forgets that they are his kids too and he also brought them into this world.
The other day he told me "I could have been like most men and left you child support and alimony and said see ya", all I am trying to do is get back into the workforce as I have been a stay at home mom for 8 yrs but he seems to think that was irrelevant and that I chose it.
I am ready to get on with my life. I realize that I am also at fault and after reading alot of books his needs were not being met but neither were mine. we didn't spend enough quality time together. I only know that I have done alot of soul searching over this past year and I hope that someday I will have another relationship and possible marriage and next time it will be for a lifetime. His way of thinking is so different that mine, I beleive in marriage counselling and forgiveness and dealing with what made the marriage go wrong and to learn from it and make it better.
The hardest thing for me at times is he is always telling me how he was pressured into marriage. The other day he came to tell me how sorry he was for dragging this on for so long and that he should have ended it years ago but instead he went along with it and had two more children. There was one incident in out marriage when I was tired of him consantly working in his shop and never wanting to go the the beach and do family things and I stormed into the house and I said got him that I wished I had never married him. He told me that ever since that day he has never cared. How could someone just let this fester inside of them for 6 yrs only to let is explode into divorce. I sometimes think he has to tell me these things because of guilt. Why cant he tell me that he knows he has also contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. He never tells you how he is feeling, but expects me to just know and that I should know better.
He claims he is living at his mom and dads but he isn't and has admitted to having a relationship with this other woman whom is 10 yrs older than him. I wonder it It will last. Is he learning all of his past mistakes or is he carring his baggage to the next relationship. They both met on a rebounding relationship she was going through a rough divorce, He becomes friends with her and then he wants a divorce and now they are soulmates he claims. How can this be healthy? I feel like I am ready for a relationship again but worry about it. It has only been a year and in the new year I have alot of things to sort out like selling our house and dividing assests. When have any of you felt ready to date again? What do they recommend? How do you start dating after marriage and being in your mid 30's it feels strange to think you have to start all over again.

Anyone have any info in bipolar disorder? My h in the past has always been obsessed with doing things on the side of work and never leaving time for his family. He has bought a realestate selling package off the tv and this never worked out, then he went to selling this powder vitamin stuff and he stopped doing this, then he got together with his dad and brother and had an escavating business and this now has stopped, and now he is into pranic healing after meeting this man who he went to to help with a sore back and now he is healing and this man has since passed away and it is like he has taken over his place. He sometimes seemed depressed and once told me there had to be more to life than just sitting around here. He had two children then who would have loved to spend a little time with his dad. He is not very good at making time for his kids, once he is involved in this other project it's like it takes over his life. It does not help that this other woman he has met is also into all of this stuff. It seems that he is very happy some months and then is unhappy and sort depressed. I think there is some sort of underlying mental illness but unless he goes to a doctor it will go unnoticed.

Why don't you check out the Chronic and Mental Illness Bookshelf thread in the "Other Topics" forum. Maybe you can get a little usefull info out of it.

Chronic and Mental Illness Bookshelf

WIWH

Sad and tired,

The less you think about him/his life/his relationship and the more you think of your NEW life - the better for you and for your kids TOO!
Let him sort out things in his life by himself.
You have enough for yourself without it.

You might feel better if you find a job and don't financially depend on him?

Also, regarding raising your kids - rely just on yourself!
If he 'gets back' to his kids - good for him (and kids)!
If not - HIS LOSS!

If not now, once the kids are grown and estranged from him, and your X is old and uncapable of having affairs, he'll feel very sorry what he missed in his life, he'll be very aware of what is a real WORTH in life - trust me!

You dating again?
So far you are concerned what he's doing and what's going to happen between him and OW - you are far from being ready...
You have to be totally FREE of your D's 'package', emotionally independent (of anyone), healed... to have good chances you'd build a life long relationship...

<small>[ October 03, 2004, 10:37 PM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>