</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The whole latest thing about moving to dad's came up when I did not IMMEDIATELY grant his request to come and look at something in the store ... I was trying to hurry through the store with a sick girl, he had stopped at an endcap and wanted me to come back, I tried to say that I would look at it when we got back to that end of the store (end of next aisle) but he blew up and growled that I don't respect him and that he wasn't coming home from dad's on Wednesday, that I had better send all of his stuff over there too </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.

Sounds like he was trying to manipulate mom a little bit... I'm not sure that a little delayed gratification is inappropriate.

Perhaps she responded to this less than ideally, and perhaps she didn't respond to his anger ideally either...

But I'm not sure she snapped at him. It's a good topic for them to discuss (his disrespect of MOM and the dialogue that ensued), but I do not think she needs to apologize for disrespecting him.

Is it wrong for a mom with a sick child to ask another child to wait a moment? I don't think so.

I'm sure the kid was overwhelmed, and those are things they need to talk about.

I feel for you...but you have to stick by your guns..you know you are right.

Kids know how to hit where it hurts. My mother-in law's 4rth husband of 17 years walked out in her and her daughter when d was 9....he had an affair.
He left town, walted back into her life when she was 15. and of course, she left to go live with him and at age 18 is still living with him.
What do you do. It tears my mil up. I know the sacrifices she made and all she did for her d and even to help her x out when he came back to town .
Being told you did right just stinks when you aren't the one with your child's arms around you. This is my fear as well.
Even though my mil did the right thing. She went about it wrong and stressed out and made everyone miserable around her. Sometimes you have to let go of rules and discipline and embrace love to rebuild the parent/child bonds.
Somehow men know how to indulge and win their children....why don't they get it with their woman?
Good luck, love and prayers.
Hush

Well, I reread what I posted, and I can't figure out where it looked like I snapped at DS in the store ... I did not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he blew up and growled that I don't respect him and that he wasn't coming home from dad's on Wednesday, that I had better send all of his stuff over there too. Well I could see he was looking for a rise from me and told him if he leaves, all of his stuff stays at my house, I bought it. Blew a hole in his plan and he just grumbled the rest of the night </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The comments about him being 1/2 me and 1/2 dad, that was later at home when he tried to call me 'evil' again. It was not said with anger, just matter-of-fact science which seems to be one of the only things that DS "gets" ... he is not a person with his emotions out there on his sleeve like DD is.

That hasn't come up since, and he had a counseling appt yesterday and is in the nice 'honeymoon' stage after where he is not so angry and bitter and standoffish. Gave me a hug and a kiss before bed last night without me coming to him.

XP

i think that part of the problem is that you ARE dealing with 1/2 of your X in the child, and at those times, it is 1/2 your X. . .

and so you need to 1) not react, and 2) find out through a psychologist, what is the most appropriate way to respond. . .

to break the bad habits he is learning, and possibly deal effectively with the issues that your IL's couldn't. . .

wiftty

I've always told my sons if you want to go live with your dad just let me know. While your living with him would make me sad, I'm adult and I can handle it, the most important thing to me is your wellbeing and happiness. Of course, I told them if you move you stay for awhile, no I'm mad at you, them get mad at the other parent and move back.

Last Thankdsgiving break my oldest son did go move in with his dad and truthfully I was glad. My OS was 19. He and I both needed the space. After 3 yrs of dealing with an out of control, at times, teenage boy, I was more than ready. I see him almost daily. His dad found that had been telling the truth about his behavior, however he seems to let him go until dad gets mad and threatens things and then never follows through with them.

Now my YS, at 12.5 spends his time close to 50/50 sometimes more with one than the other; however, he considers my house home. I've been frank with him, if he goes down the path his brother took in HS that he will live with his dad. For now he is hppay here, if or when he wants to live with his dad will not stop him.