Deja Vu,
I do not know your story.. but I know exactly how you feel, (as do many others here)
my exh chose to leave me on thanks giving day morning. we went to bed the night before and when I woke up, he was gone, and left a note to my kid, who at the time was 10 yrs old.. that was 6 yrs ago, in 1998. thats the memory I will have to live with, for the rest of my life, on this very holiday, while most people celebrate "what to be thankful for.." It sadened me to no end, that we could not work things out, and both my daughter and I missed having us all together, EVERY holiday..! and after that, any occassion that called for family gatherings, be it wedding, birthdays, etc.. for at least the next two yrs, we both just sat back and watched every one else enjoying them selves with thier families all together and in tact... having fun, while we felt, (past tence) what seemed like a never ending sadness and emptiness that we thought was going to haunt us for the rest of our lives..
TIME is the only thing that heals.. nothing more, nothing less.. only TIME.. I was married for 12 yrs, and we were together 3 before that.. it is not the amount of time, (although the more time together, of course creates more history/memory), for me it was what I THOUGHT was pure love for each other, a bond I thought that was unbreakable.. an unconditional love.. and the shock that he did this to me/us.. I loved my ex like no one else.. and I mean no one.. and felt (at that time) there was nothing more for me to live for, nothing more for me to look forward to, no one else would ever come close to what we had, or could take his place..
It took me until the third yr after he left, that I saw the light at the end of the tunel.. THAT was when the light bulb went off, and I found out that I was so wrong, and I can now look back and see it realistically, and can admit that "I" alone, could not have fixed "our" problems.. and that we were obviously not meant to be together, for ever.. and I say "I" for the main reason, that it was "he" who was un-confrontational.. he held things in and avoided the problems, OR could not calmly communicate and I could not deal with being the only one trying to keep our marriage alive alone any more.. I now know I need some one who gets it, and will talk to me, and hold nothing back, because that is who I am.. BUT.. of course, thats not easy to find.. so I am still looking.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> BUT I also KNOW I will find the right one some day..!
My heart goes out to you.. I remember the beginnings of our break up, as if it were yesterday, when I was a basket case.. they say to count one yr, for every five you were married, and thats how long it will take to COMPLETELY heal.. that means you have 4 yrs of alot of emotions to release and soul searching to do. Having great family and freinds, help in the healing process is important as well.. take full advantage of that if you can, when you can.. as well as counceling.. it all helped me alot..!!
good luck to you..
AV
