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Meaning the struggles that come with separation and divorce. My H and I have been separated twice and tried to work things out for about two years in between. It seems we are headed apart. The holidays have been tough so far and I wonder if I'm just overly sensitized because of the time of year.

So, if you have divorced or been separated for a long time, did you find that peace of mind was worth all the hurt and pain of D?
keep smilin

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KS, I don't think I can answer your question in the way you want, but no one else responded, so I'll say what I can.

I've been separated for more than four years and divorced for more than two, with no communication during any of that time. The divorce was not my idea or my desire.

For me, the only kind of closure divorce brought was financial, and even that was only relative, since I'll still be paying for it for many years to come.

I think it would be fair to say that I have achieved peace of mind about the whole thing (although there are some wounds that I suppose will never be healed). But it wasn't the divorce that brought me that peace of mind.

My peace of mind came from knowing that I did everything that I could, and from believing that God would take care of me as long as I sought His will first.

My struggles through separation and marriage and divorce were worth it only because God used them to make me a better man.

I believe that there are times when there is no real option except divorce. But I also believe that many people decide to divorce because they think they will be happier afterward. And I don't believe that's the way it really works.

True happiness comes from within. It comes from living according to the values you hold deep within. It comes from being the person you know you ought to be. It comes from fulfilling the purpose for which God made you.

Divorce itself cannot bring peace of mind or happiness because it is at root just an attempt to run away from problems. If those problems happen to be of the sort that we just end up carrying with us (as is frequently the case), then the hurt and pain divorce brings is all for naught.

And the kids pay the highest price.

In my opinion, divorce should not properly be considered an option. It is what you do when you have no options.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by keep smilin:
<strong>
So, if you have divorced or been separated for a long time, did you find that peace of mind was worth all the hurt and pain of D?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmm...interesting question!

I've now been divorced for about as long as I was married (which wasn't a long time), and I'm not sure I can give a short answer.

I wouldn't want to go through that hurt and pain again...ever. It tore me apart to lose my little family, and it still hurts that I can't be anywhere near as involved in my daughter's life as I'd like to be.

That said, I've come to realize that we (XW and me) are much better off without each other. Every time I see her, I wonder what I saw in her, and I'm glad I no longer live with her.

I also recently found out that I've actually found a little peace of mind about the whole thing, in a way I didn't expect.

See, her father passed away unexpectedly last month. She had never lost someone that close, and her new fiance hadn't either, so she turned to me for a bit of advice and support (I lost my father some years ago).

For some reason, I was able to let go of all the bitterness and anger, and just deal with her on a one to one basis...one person helping another person through a difficult time. It was even a bit surreal when I gave her a hug and she said "I forgot how tall you were."


I don't know if it was worth it, but I'm finally at peace with what happened.

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Thanks for responding. Sometimes the trees get in the way of the forest! At present, peace comes and goes. The roller coaster effect? I'm somewhere on the continuum of knowing I've done everthing and wondering if one can ever truly "do enough" to know you're done.

I interact with my H regularly - mainly due to the kids. He seems to be moving ahead and leaving whatever else could be done behind. Too much trouble, ya know? I don't get that and struggle with how much one can do and feeling like I'm just throwing in the towel.

There is a great comfort that God has me in His hands. Guess I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy the peace when it comes.

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My story...was married for 18 years, found out the Ex-Wife was cheating in Jan 2001, tried for a couple of years to make it work, I finally told her I was through in March 2003. Divorce filed 9/30/2003 and final on 7/30/2004. I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER...I have full custody of my oldest daughter who is 17 (which is not all that it's cracked up to be... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> and I have joint physical custody of my 8 year old YD.

I have met someone new, someone who treats me with the love, respect that I deserve, someone who I can laugh with, love with, plan with..etc..
I had truly forgotten how to love. And she is teaching me so much about love, life and myself. My kids are doing good, they now no longer have to listen to my ex-wife and I have the meanest, nastiest fights..and they see that it is possible to be in a caring, thoughtful relationship....

Looking back on it, I can't believe I waited so long to do something that I knew I needed to do!!!

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Thanks boomer. You said it for me, too. I think I've forgotten how it feels to be loved and to love. Nice to think all these bad feelings and the hopelessness at times could turn into something beautiful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

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I have no great words of wisdom to offer but wanted to share that I, too, am in a similar situation. Stuck somewhere in the midst of moving toward divorce but not quite there.

Day-by-day is a good way to survive.

God bless

Bluesy

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Dear brother,

As always you bring a smile of kind encouragement! I smile because I can see God is making you better each day that goes by-

[QUOTE] Would you believe me if i were to say, that you bring it out in me? I never knew how to be nice, until I met you,, ;-)
quote:

Now brother your really rollerblading on real thin ice!1!! lol... Whoah-grab the hand rails-find the brakes, it's going to be a slippery slope ride. Let's just stop, drop, roll now! lol

I clearly see your very,very cheeky-for a guy that's out on the ice, wasn't "nice" until NOW-- lol...

What!!!!!! Let's freeze frame your statement bud??
YOU VE NEVER WERE NICE BEFORE UNTIL NOW!!!!

Man-- you must be JOKIN, what have you been smokin, frying in the cast iron pan?? lol

This is very serious infraction dude-haven't been nice before?

Woah--like do you have some BIG explannnin & confessin to do, Ricardo??? lol

Like where have ya been man? Like who's gotta a hold of your operating manuel??? lol!

And like who's been making your Taco's lately? lol!

Like what donut shop are you dunking those donuts at??? Really what I want to know who's been mixing your party ice!

Oh but wait, right, right. Yes, I seeeee "nice" now just whizzing down the freeway with out your driver's license? And ya, hummmm, that's some artic glacier expedition you been floating on???Man-stever you gotta get a grip here & get your bic lighter back!!! lol...

Being nice is a good thang!

Sooooo now it's now my fault--well in that case, I simply exit stage right- choose door number 2 on that one?? But then again three klicks still gets me to kansas! Maybe Festus will get me outta dodge! Hopefully, the lone ranger still makes house calls!

Like Stever, if being nice is new to you , man you've gotta alot of work & stitchin to do before you chek out of MB hospital. lol!!-

Like for starters, how about trash heap those grateful dead, jimmy hendrix, Ozzy Ozborne albums you've got stashed!

Sooo you want to play the blame game do you??? What bowling alley lane level are we headed now? Oooops, watch out here come those darn flyin monkey's again? Hold on, looks like the tin man, get again in the shins!!! lol...

OKKKKK- I'll be nice now!!!

Prior to neeting my W, i was self-employed. Not to long ago my W apparently made a comment to my 16yd- that if i were to pursue my business back again,,,,, that she would work on us, and she would also help me??

Excellent, encouraging, NICE news! HOPE!A good thing! Love hearing that one!! Awesome you tried the self-employed route! You sound like your pro-active, have a good idea of what works.

My girlfriend called me today- wanting to the self employed route- gave her a brochure website site to check out, I was sent awhile back.

IHA- Independant Homeworkers Alliance.
www.homeworkers.org

WHen i asked her about this, she denied ever saying this,,?????

Maybe all apart of the post trauma--anmensia! I don't doubt she said those things. God could do amazing things yet!


The other day while talking to W over phone, she commented that she was getting tired of her job,, .

Maybe or maybe not that's good sign?? God only knows?

If she ran a daycare prior with her mom, etc. Maybe she really hit burnout& acted out foolishly... Who's knows you both seem to be very extremely creative people. I get that solid feel from Miss Vee's photo album...


evangelical really means,?
Basically what you already discribed--add-actively spreading the good news.

Please hope you will not take offense here. Sounds like you have spent a great deal of your life energies in difficult survival, traumas--had little time to rest, be spiritual fed, have study time, ...

But then again on the flip side there are those who had little trauma exposure within life's framework, no hard survival issues, fed spiritully well, attend lots of bible studies,that still have little faith in Jesus, and don't get it! Still in another far away dark land.

[B]The church we're currently attending has something about evangelical,, I'm aware that there are so many different forms of belief, and churches as well
.

Yes, there are so many expressions of faith, many people belong to main stream. So didn't want to step on your toes, or boundries. God spirit is everywhere, and his children are in almost every denomination& outside the four walls too. His people that make the church.

[B]Re-Pastor Mac Arthur-- yes excellent series on marriage, divorce studies-covered again in the Fullfilled family! Check on their websites, or broadcast times in your area you will know!

I also love listening to Dr. J. Vernon Mc Gee! Back to the Bible program. Bible Bus- takes a line, by line 5 yr study scriptural approach. I like his simple, clear and kind mannerisms.

Departed brother now but incredible bible broadcast ministry! Two ministries that helped me considerly during my exhaustive spiritual search.


Can you imagine the request to Dr. Phil show? Must be in the millions.

Yes, Gods system is the *only* way to go.
Lots of good common sense advice out there-loads of systems that cause confusion. But only God system truly works, He has the POWER---backing Him, is the TRUTH, promises to guide us in TRUTH!

I am sorry to hear you had a long day yesterday

Sounds like you need some good rest, have you wounds tended to, peace.

I know I have tossed out alot of info overload, takes awhile to process, shift, read through, pray about, determine if truly applicable to you& your situation.

The reader digest version really is helpful in processing the bits& pits.Especially, during all this trauma, complications, sad pain that jams the brain, causes a brain drain. This I know!!!
It can really interfer with our creative expressions to free flow... causing pain jam!

***hmmm, let's see, thinking, thinking,,, nope, no idenity crisis, i searched and searched, realized/remembered i'm that 25 cent armchair person. rofl Just keep on holding hands dear,,

Your pretty funny! rofl-- let's keep on praying the best we can do!


Obviously i didn't allow for my smooth landing huh? :-)

Sometimes as we try our best angling to get a smooth landings. There just went a soft touchdown seems near. Those opposing forces can really make things more difficult adding harsh severe winds that push us down on our faces.

I have been there so many times. Praise God He has picked me up so many, many times! Never imagined I would take such a "face dive" like this before.

Glad you enjoyed the poem, such a classic, so encouraging. I feel the weariness, strain in that poem, push, promise to go forward-miles yet to go. One step at a time.

Blessing for your received prayers, warm hugs. Mb here seems were surrounded by a giant collective hug all the time- That's a good thing. We are so all in need of a giant transfution of Christ love, compassionate care!

Look at what we have all endured. Just think lots of folks here dish out mega hugs all the time. See were going to get better!

Wait till you get the hugs from Tossed Wave, Belle, CJnewfaithful-did I get that right? Laura-lee when ever she gets back??? Highflight-is always super generous with hugs. Then there is lost husband-- known to dispense some good hugs when he isn't being so naughty all the time remembers his manners.

I don't think anyone here has OD-on mega hugs here! It's now your time,turn--look how much you difficult your entire situation is!!! Think we're all pretty likeable around here-as you are, and appreciated for you, and your caring compassion.

Imagine what you'll be like when your healed& wounds are mended? Awesome! Look out world! Just at low point for you right now!! Look how kind you have been! Putting up with Me miss gabby!lol

I just didn't want to fall a sleep in deep pain! But your doing humming job making me laugh and cared for to!!!

I really enjoyed your sharing about your poetry, sending it to Canada- I imagine you must write very beautifully, sensitively! Hopefully, you share a bit with us on the board!!!

Just you wait God will be having you write more, more, and getting you playin your guitar in such a healing spirit. He is going you use in a powerful way!!!

Blessing, warmest armload balloons,bouquets, prayers called hugs for you!

Stever--- alright??? I am lost now in the linguistic jungle? I can make some of it out- as usual your are being genuinely kind$ sincere self. I am blessed.

Didn't notice any shut up's ! lol.. This is a good thing. Yes, I am deeply touched in my heart, by your thoughtfulness. Especially, since you were so tired!!!!!

I can tell you must be very exhausted-- so I will let you rest, relax, peace out--take all the need time you need to go through all the stuff!!!

Time for R/R== Best RX is ever-sleep in Jesus palm, close to His heart!!!

Ressssssttttt-relaxxxxxxxxxxxxx--recoverrrrrrrrr-
Have a marvelous son spun,fun, shine on kind of day! OKKKKKKKK& BE NICE!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Warmest Hugs,lots of smiles hoping for Nice things to happen, lots of GOD's surprises!!!

In the pie skies--Sky

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Keep Smilin!

My deepest apologies here-very,very sorry for the extra post-not sure how my intended post ended up on your thread??? I am baffled???

I will try to have it removed.

Since I am here- my very warmest hugs to you! I am sorry you are here in your situation. The holidays are so-multi-complex.

Everything for you is so new& fresh. Trying to get through the shock, rejection, adjustment, the abrupt emptiness, it all just hurts, really doesn't make a whole lot of meaningful sense. The numbness.

I am finding my second yr without my x became so much easier than the first intensive year! Your not alone-your feelings are perfectly normal!

Becoming undone with one's partner is a deep process, almost a see saw effect. There seemingly are the unbearable days-then bearable days.

Tender time, and hope you can find time to have lots of naps& extra hugs!!!

Warmest hugs& smiles!

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Thanks sky diver. It was no accident that you "accidently" showed up on this thread. Your words are healing.
keep smilin

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Keep Smiling,

You're not alone. I'm too in the same situation as you are. My wife and I have been separated twice or three times during our marriage. Currently, we are separated again and proceeding w/ the paperwork.

yes, it's a struggle. Somedays, I think it's better for both of us. While others, I want to reconcile with her. Indeed, it's extremely difficult, but I kept on telling myself it's not the end of the world. I still have my health, my job, a place to live, my family, and my friends who still care for my well being.

Take one day at a time. I found this quote somewhere and i kept on reciting it:

"Happiness is in one's state of mind. "

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Hey CA.....maybe that's it. I'm just feeling alone. Funny how sometimes we just need to hear "this is normal." Especially when what you thought your life would look like- a.k.a. "normal," isn't normal at all. Up and down is more like it.

It is very encouraging to me for you all to share your stories. This has been a huge trigger week. It's so nice to have friends to share my heart with. Bless you all.
keep smilin

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((((KS))))

Your a sweety!!! Thankyou for your very kind words& understanding-glad something good could come out of ooooops accident!!!

What an experince to brush up on our own humaness-discover when we are dropped- we really are shakeable& breakable--we get scrambled, confused, sometimes just fall to pieces.

Well what do you know--- we really are flesh, blood, real people after all. Wind us up good enough, far enough - look out the springs do give out...

What a discovery--we actually do feel, hurt, cry, frown, leak, bleed, moan, scream, ache, get winded, worn out--hopefully mend well enough, to live, love, laugh, smile, "relearn" not to redo it all over again!

Just some people TOTALLY FORGET the FRAGILE part-why we need to be HANDLED WITH CARE!!! We have learn to avoid those handlers.

Praise God we're back now in HIS hands!!!

KS-it's just going to suck for awhile! Where are all those lollipops, balloons, huggy bears, clowns about now! Hope everyone here can be all those things for you! You'll just have to supply the tissues!

Good news here at mb is we don't have alot of scary folks around that growl, bite, hiss, devour one another here-or will come bloooow your house down or your life away! Hang on honey!!!

Upside-You'll get better-as many of us here have discovered.....Downside- but not all in one day!!!

Right now you're going to need a lot of warm blankets, hugs& transfusions to help get through the confusion!

Your heart has been deeply injured. It's all just so weird!!!

I propose more naps, good glass of wine, take gentle care!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Sky...on target again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Handle with care indeed. As a mom of 4,and a self-employed business owner, I haven't allowed myself much self-care. There is always something else pressing! I need to learn to gently go through the days. And most especially nights.

Something else that has been new is the lack of support of those around me. I know it is difficult for them to deal with so, they retreat. Understandable, I guess. Thanks for helping me to get a clearer view of where I am. Now if I could just see where I'm going. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

keep smilin

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(((KS)))

Focus-Calmin-Recharging our batteries.

Soul Care-Reroute-reclaiming our energies is tough especially when one is self employed--lacks healthy support network. Raising 4 chicklets is tough. As Mom's we're so used to putting everyone first-need/habit.

I have been self-employed for 15 yrs doing variety of services. I understand the pro/cons & the alienation involved operating homebase, being a stay at home mom.

When situations really got out of balance-Only so many hrs in a day to manage, energy& budgets lean. Remembering, that I was still a person, underneath it all. Though my x clueless most of the time.

Refocus time- I outsourced my services, plunged into the world of fine fragrance consulting for 4 yrs. Double bonus, where I would be in a ultra nourishing micro environment of self care/others care

True to myself- doing what I do best- being-female-&indulging in the world's finest frangrances, creams, cosmetics, for 4 hrs a day, free products.

Nothing but the best, being on the other side-of the cosmetic counter. Imho-ws do such a poor job meeting needs!

A woman, is still a woman, created by God, we are HIS flowers, that needs to be nutured, watered, and pampered!

Benefits for me as Mom/person-perfect outsourcing of my services, circle around my kids school hrs. Voila a refreshed mom/person would re- emerge, with a paycheck. I just love beautiful win/win sits& sweet smells of personal victories!

Survival tactics--High school cosmotology depart came in handy. Where I, my kids could book in indulge, in total pampering for everyone.Fraction of a cost of salons. Facials, pedicures, haircuts,coloring, the works, nice friendly people, etc.

Multi-tasking, fit the budget, of course HS- use the top hair/skin products as top salons-without the high price tags. Benefits- Happy great looking mom, happy great looking kids!!!

Pro's- Giant energy&morale power boost! Plus, monies saved, meant for more money to purchase more niceties of lingerie! Bliss&boost wear!!!

Developing a support network is key.Since being self employed requires a delicate balancing act. Mothership, has taken hit, your under rapid fire with demands& demoralizing process of a broken heart.

Mother Empire strikes back with nice self care...

Since your man there has lost his moral compass-pulled everyone over to the darkside. We need to develop "night vision " for now-until we locate "son-light vision again. Why seeing is so difficult.

Don't worry as everyone here at MB will help with your developing collective vision to get you/kids through. Your man though will be lost wandering in the dark for quite some time.

We are now undergoing qualitative quantum personal transformation. Wait until we're all re-assembled again-traveling life again at warp speed!!

Sweety-Keep your selt belt on, the ride gets wild. The emotional vertigo of shock, confusion, your experincing is temp, will pass-you'll get into the drivers seat& gear into no time!

Cheers to another glass of wine, more cheese, more smiles--- keys to producing more endomorphines...God works in the most amazing gentle ways& products!!!

Bouquets& balloons of hugs! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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(((((((Keep Smilin)))))

How are you feeling-doing today??? My heart is very burden for you?!

Wanted to share, much of our recovery process isn't always a linear equation experince- straightforward A-B experince. True for some people it can be-

For the many the morale majority here, with our moral/values compasses still in tact. The experince in my imho, feels more of a SPIRAL streching coiling growth curve climb upwards.

Right now- because everything is so tender, our senses are acutely heighteded, we are in a stage of SENSORY OVERLOAD...

To much pain, rejection, hurt, damage, bewilderment, anxities, frozen anxities-fears, insecurties of the unknown. It's all so unsettling, unpleasant.

Best way I can compare this experince is like undergoing OPEN HEART surgery-our need to be safe,secure in ICU-far away from contamiants.

Unlike real OH surgery, the sutures& pain releasing emotional upheal does actually heal. Clause, condition attached--provided we experince excellent care& rehabiltion process.

Surviving adultery, dv can be actually worst than suriving OH surgery. We have been torn assunder in multi-dimensional ways.

Because the body heals, but the pain we feel in our broken hearts may never totally never heal completely. Scar tissue, will grow over& larger parts of heart's will be stronger, healthier.

Please feel my hearfelt hand squezze-it hurts so much!!!! Ouchies!!!

The heart is a much larger intricate sensitive organ. Takes soo much longer because of the extensive damage done to you, and your children.

Right now the biggest hurt experince felt by many of us-is total "empathic failure disablement".

Your wh is severly damaged, I take it other members in your immediate family support are severly damaged themselves?

Lack the ability of seeing,feeling, understanding,caring& sharing beyond themselves?? Selfish, selfcentered-playing out the same script as our ws....

The lack of "compassion" speaks volumes about a person internal health capacity or their state of diminished capacity.

You and your precious children have lost tremendous amounts of REAL LOVE-life blood!!! The blahs, tears, lack of energy.... You have been drained.

Real Love must be replaced-exchanged, transfused must be imported by forms, sources, often has no boundries. All true love comes from our GOD--true flow has to hit our actual veins, spirits, hear!>>>

A great deal of your love has been taken,siphoned off abused, squandered-not much can be done to reclaim it back from your man... It' sucks....

Unfortunately, or fortunately He loves, lusts elsewhere.Depends how you feel. OP can teach these boneheads things too. I don't mean to sound insensitve. Matter of perspective here. Not nice, but reality, it is his choice& right, will have to square up with GOD later.

He does not own you& you do not own him. But what he is doing is dishonorable, disloyal & wrong. Foremost to His God, you, and your precious children.

He has severly failed to love you with Christ love~he has fallen, made very poor choices, consequently he is now severely damaged& impaired,no compass, no conscience, no feelings, no remorse, no regrets,feels very little responibilty.

He is gone& you miss him. THAT'S PERFECTLY OK!!!

He will discover that this so called love that lifted him up to paradisce-will bring him crashing down on earth at some point.

Don't think one is truly free to love-when one has done trecherous acts to harm others.

God can forgive,restore, them too, provide a new heart/spirit-if they come to HIM,, humble themselves, turn away, Repentance is avaiable. Full pardon.

In my particular circumstances-I think there is a big difference between a good, constructive, clean fair,reasonable divorce opposed to psycho high drama destructive divorce. Clean breaks are much healthier& gently, tenderly done.

Complete, waste of time, resources, etc.. You need to move on rebuild your life- with equal right as your man there. Two street-for him it seems a one way serving only him... Not fair.

I hate the deception process involved,extreme measures to ws take-because it obstructs my view, needs, capacities to determine-if I wanted to be with my x- I am person equal just like him, flesh& blood, equal needs,wants, desires.

My x & his chronic consective failings doesn't blow wind up my skirt or heated up my heart in a mutually respectful satisfying fashion either throughout the yrs... lol...

Without the foundational building blocks, of trust, respect, love what is there but an empty shell, deeply unsatisfying experince one sided, flop sided. How good does that feel. Works both ways.

God wants peace, unity, deep harmonious relations. Otherwise gives us full permission to release, depart-restart our lives in peace, less stress, grief. Our God is divorced Himself, loves Isarel deeply-one day will restore Her with fullness.

Not unlike the Christian church wayward itself, chasing everything the sun but the SON.

Isarel unrepentant affairs with multi foregin gods. God today still wants to know basically is there going to be a marriage or not???

If so let the healing/restoration process gear up, if relations are severly damaged, irrepairable, get the closure. Mourn, heal, and move on...

But He understands our deep attachment issues, bonds, roots, histories we share. Not easy to completely sever in many cases. I am sure there were good times, lovely times, romantic times, so that part is difficult to completely erase.

Takes time to deal with a rite off relationship& our call here. He is extremely compassionate, tender with us, until we are ready.

If it's not going to work, between two parties, duly in many cases because of PRIDE, or a one person is pig/complete jerk, or BULLY. Never developed good manners in their lives or possess good loving personal heart hygiene.

Again doubt God wants us to continue on with persons who have serious character defects. God loves them to offers forgivenss, restoration. Choice...

Well it is clear God does not wants us to destroy ourselves. Or a misfit, who is such a boor to handle us-when they lack respect, skills, and heart. How can one open their heart-when one partner culivates a lifestyle of mistrust.

Nor are we to just lay down, keep taking the blows, tolerate more affairs, or put up with a sickly disturbed relationship/person. Some do-God heals those types and some don't He heals those. The grey areas, different for everyone. Grace is wonderful, He provides a great deal of it.

Children are the dearest casualities here. They don't need to be hurt more than they are disresptected,disposable human sheilds,objects. Of some parental power monger warped world.

They are not commodities, but little human people with very complex lives,potentials,handled, loved /handled right are solutions to a hurting world.

I think make love policy&lots of it-- not war makes better sense, works, much better,feels a whole lot better!!!!lol

Now that I am in a joy mood- I personally think when people "lock horns" in their relationships, with marital strife, certain degree of conflict is normal.

I feel it's much better to just grab one's partner lock the bedroom door for a week, settle differences in more constructive, highly mutually productive satisfying enjoyable, fun, manner. As they say if your going to fight-better to fight naked...No glove, no love either--

But not done in cruel manner but with great heart gusto!!! Better ways to blow off steam-great stress reduction to foster the peace process relations! Conflict reduction doesn't always require a ic..mc...lol..

God is the author creator of love, & that good stuff, our cheering squad of that department!!

If my x would have come to me-which he always knew could, said honey- I love someone else, I am sorry& can't continue with you anylonger.

I would have been hurt,crushed, initial shocked, but love him enough to say Ok-let's start the dismantling process asap. Departed in peaceful, loving way--protected the children.

God wants peace- grieved- desires otherwise, but different people, different lives,values, or lack of them doesn't work either.

The damage, fall out would have been less severe. Can't force someone to LOVE YOU, those gifts, desires, choice, must come deeply from their heart.

Doesn't mean we are less loveable, our entire worth, dependant on our spouses is the be all, end of all.

My x is not the demigod of my life, I don't admire, respect person under that delusion. Especially, when their selfish actions hurts,harms children, others intentionally, or is a taker that exhumes life energies of others to put himself where he is.

My x belives he is a god, I have serious relgious differences. I am in complete disagreement with him-see him as mortal, human being that has failed, and never taken full responibilty for his own life, actions. Lacks the ability,capcity to learn from his mistakes, repeats them over like a broken record.

I am most wearied from being my x targeted convientant dump to act out, upon site for all the wrongs from his upbringing& skewed life prioriety issues, notions of a false sense of exaggarated "entitlements" of indulging in other women, that I will be tolerant, amused, apart of his harem,or stable.

I ride in my own saddle, dwell in my own stable, don't do well in harems mentality. Otherwise what's fair for my x equally applies to me, have the same rights to excercise. lol.. God expects us to love Him exclusively, solely Him, for who HE is- so my will wants to align with HIM, desires, purposes-love one mate at a time, for a lifetime.

Not sure if you can relate-- if you can this tread is wide open to you...

Bottom line- How we choose, and within whom we choose determines our quality of life flow, or constricts the lack of it.

We are all free agents to choose, but with a clear admonition to choose& love wisely. Importantly, decide, whom do we serve,& give glory to determines, the blessings, or consequences.

God loves, our children, etc... the circle is wide, if we open our hearts, place ourselves within those right circles which widen concentrically, with good friends, family, work, community, etc..

Nice people in this world, with good values, morals, ideals, etc, the better side, the better half.

I just don't belong to a narrow, destructive, low level existance of selfish pathetic underworld depraved impoverished lifestyles for the silly, overtly spoiled& foolish.

My world has been split, I chose the better half, with GOD on His side, His people, His purposes. I will be better for it-- though am still damaged in places, hurting, because of someone supreme carelessness, thoughtlessness, ruthlessness, cruelties.

Twisted person has a lot of power to harm others, for sure. Recovering from the fall out.

I don't wish to hurt your spirit or heart deeper. Reality here suggests. If this ow is truly his real love, sad sucker punch-if you truly love him-accept him as he is.

You will let him go...knowing God has a special plan for you, something better designed that will fit you. If they are both nasty, selfish, mean, miserily, well that is a true match for them. Maybe they truly belong...

Celebrate your freedom, & knowing that you have goodness,values, morals, gifts, and talents waiting to burst forth to life...CAN LOVE!!!! The one who got away from all that misery...

Perhaps, feel so sorrow for the couple-that they don't understand true love, or have the ability to really love...PITY THEM, PRAY FOR THEM... It hurts but think about it- You might of been oppressed, depressed for many more yrs, then what?

Truth sometimes people are just incredibly extremely incompatible. Without Christ in the center of the relationship sometimes no hope. God in that case doesn't want to see you destroy yourself. Free choice we are all designed with.

Comfort here is you can love, though your reserves may be depleted, drained, reserves are low, this is your special place, time, to refuel..

On this support site a whole of geniune love is given here by the giving. Not always perfect, but care is deeply felt. True love has no boundries.

Main thing is hopefully you can reduce alot of pressures-know it's ok- you don't have to overcompensate or hyperaccelerate.

Just letting things " COOL DOWN" is realistic, healthy state.

Let it be- is prefectly ok too... Cool, Kool is a very good thing.

I hope if you have any "enegry" at this time, budget-- would be nice for more self-care to devote to the public pool,preferably with a hot tub. Swim time....

As you know--Water is so healing, gentle, soothing, relaxing for yourself, and your dearest children. Washes it all way, positive release from all that stress, frustration. Aids in fostering that deep good night sleep.

Keeps that smile on the face. The water can handle your tears, make you feel sooo much better.

I know you know all this very well& don't wish to be conscending here. Just we all need a cross exchange of MOM's enegry flowed diverted back to us. It's all about the quality& flow....

MOM, to MOM--HEART/HEART- HEAR ME OUT--over tel,or write a calm!!!! lol...

Crisis does strange "weird" things to us as humans-shatters are own lens- It's all DIZZY-fractures our way of seeing things. Those lens can be repaired.

Keep sharing- absorb, SOAK up all the love here you can!!!

Welcome to the 21 century of virtual heart lab- where GOD can work, express Himself freely for all HIS beloved, wounded, hurting, children! Keeping up to HIS TIMES-vitual cyber where HE can start meeting those deep spiritual needs.

God needs to be free out of the box that people try to quarentine& disable HIS WORK..lol... no disrepect meant.

Remember, time for more warm blankets, cup of hot cocoa, teddy bears, bubble baths, let the house work go, free the dust bunnies, time for just a hot pot of soup, sandwhichs, turn up the radio, let GOD sing to you, senerade you& dance with you& kids!

From the tangled to GOD's hot TANGO!!!

Through this entire process- It's really about our permitting our Awesome God have an His way with us and romance us to HIS HEART-& having an romance with our selves.

The only treasured affair we ultimately want to have. Just as we desire our ws to come to their senses& are hummmm lost or missing in action, so to speak.

Our precious Savior-wants us to come to HIM, recover our full senses.

Let Him love us& let HIM take good gentle care, of us!!!!

THE GOOD GOD AFFAIR WE NEED, AFFAIR WE WANT TO REMEMBER. Last forever, until, continues into Eternity....Draw closer, near. HE LOVE's YOU& YOUR CHILDREN!!! GOOD GOD-IT IS GOOD! OMG....His love is Powerful, accepts just as we are& where ever we are!!!

God thinks your HOT STUFF! As so do I& many of your mb family sisters& brothers, that don't let you down like our own damaged, dufus, confused, more damaged families. Feel HIS LOVE HERE!

I love you, my deepest, warmest down deep heart felt prayers& affections!

Smiles,& HIS HEART BEATS WILDLY TRUE BLUE FOR YOU!!! HE IS OUR SON-SHINE, YOU ARE HIS BELOVED STAR SHINE!!

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 341
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Posts: 341
Keep Smilin...
I re-read my post- having a busy day-- looking at my typo's sorry about that- squinting from my pain--that dizziness. Don't want to wear my glasses just yet. Mid life quirk- I am struggling with.

I just wanted you to feel better today. Holidays are tough.

I'm smilin,squinting, working out that eeking out unpleasantness-makes me shut my eyes & wince... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />


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