I was married to a man for nine years. During the nine years he cheated on me four times that I know of for sure and one that I walked in. When I say cheating I don't mean all the way. Kissing, touching, holding etc... I had a hard time with this and pushed him away while pushing him away I found comfort in someone else and filed for divorce. Before our divorce I had a severe eating and image problem and this other man probably saved my life. I know instead of working with my husband I worked against him.. I was hurt, this man was my world and I was betrayed not once but multiple times.. I didn't know what to do! He moved out of the country with his job and I stayed. Living in the same neighborhood that we did, talking to similar friends and passing by places that we spent together was hard it seemed to keep the wound opened and unable to heal. I had a therapist that said he was bad for me and that he will continue to hurt me for the rest of my life, or I would end up with a disease and dead. I was scared and preceded with the divorce even though I really didn't want it. I listened to everyone else but my heart and myself! We have two amazing children together and I have since relocated back home away from that so called "battlefield". Since my relocation home I've come to terms with my hurt, starting seeing a new therapist and have forgiven him. I still keep in contact with the man that "saved" my life but yearn for my life back with my now ex-husband. I hate that term! I know that we are meant to be together but through mistakes on both parties we aren't. We have so much fun when we are together, my boys radiate unforgettable smiles on their faces, and I undoubtly know that he completes me. I want to grow old with this man walk our children down the isle together, hold our first grandbaby together, and cherish the moments that only a family, a lover and a best friend can! How can I turn back the hands of time and get back what I so very badly miss and love!

Sadly, there is no magic solution to your dilemma. It's JMO but it seems that if he loves you and you love him then somehow it should be possible to find one another as husband and wife again. But I know that is often easier said than done. Whatever happens...stay strong.

God bless

Thank you so much for taking the time out to write me.... I am a mess right now and those kind words helped.. I know I made mistakes in the past as did he and I want to work on our future. It's so hard when he's away in another country! What can I do to make things right! It hurts so bad!

Thank you so much for taking the time out to write me.... I am a mess right now and those kind words helped.. I know I made mistakes in the past as did he but I want to work on our future now. It's so hard when he's away in another country! What can I do to make things right! It hurts so bad!

Hi, I feel for you. but answer me this. Is your ex in love with you? Did he show you by his actions that he is in love with you, cares for you, and wants you both to be together? I know you had fun together, but he IS in another country. Have you communicated your feelings to him?

Same type of question -

Did your X show any remorse for his cheating?
Does he still have feelings for you?
Can he make a true committment to you?
What is is "dating" status in this other country?

I only ask this becoz I am married to a serial cheat-and w/o true remorse and wanting to have an honest relationship it can't work..No matter how hard you try ...it takes 2.. Are you just feeling this way becoz the holidays are coming and your remembering the "good times"?

I'm not trying to burst your bubble - just see thru clear colored glasses. I'm still hoping my WH turns around - but, I doubt it..For him - once a cheat - many times a cheat..

I think deep down inside yes he's in love with me, however I pushed him away when I was hurt instead of getting help together. It didn't help that I turned to someone else during that time either. I know I hurt him! He is in the military and that's why he's oversees.. I'm sure he is seeing other people as have I.. Do I continue to call him and try to work this out or do I just let it go.. I know WE can have a healthy, happy relationship... What do I say to him?

can you rekindle the love after a divorce with the same person... I'm working desperatly to do this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lockerb:
<strong> can you rekindle the love after a divorce with the same person... I'm working desperatly to do this? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmm, Ive read your original post a couple of times and I have to ask you this.......You dont see what I see??.....your EX cheated on you 4 times that you KNOW of and you walked in on him once..........Do you really want this guy back? Huge RED FLAG dear, HUGE!!! You say this guy only kissed and held these others, but I doubt that seriously, if he told you that, chances are he is lieing. If you got back together with this so called great guy, I guarantee ya he would straighten out for awhile, but would probably be back to his old self eventually. The RED FLAGS were waving feverishly in your face before dear........let it go. Meet someone who will cherish you and only you, and wont need to turn to another for pleasure. That is NOT love. Good luck, and use your head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

It's so hard for me... I'm telling him I want him back and I want to work on our family and he tells me he's not sure what he wants that "I pushed him away and used our kids against him" and he's upset about that. He says that I want to much to fast and that we need to take baby steps, we nned to become friends again.. I'm confused, isn't he the one that did wrong shouldn't he be beeging me? I HATE THIS!

Can anyone help me... Should I comtinue to fight for him ?? does remarriages work after divorce.. I feel so lost an alone!!!!!

Well,I just recently wrote him a letter and told him how I feel but haven’t gotten any response back, when I spoke to him on the phone the other day I told him that would be sending him an e-mail and he replied that he was excited to read it and would reply back to me as soon as he got it. Well he has had it for a week and I haven’t heard from him at all. Except "I have not forgotten about you and this letter; please just give me a little time to write you back. I don't want to write a half [censored] letter. I want a chance to give you my honest opinion. Work has been keeping me real busy. Sorry! -me"

What does this mean? This has devastated me and I feel like I am in a downward spiral out of control! I need help, do I fight for this anymore or not, I’m going crazy!

You sound like me. I would want nothing more than my ex-husband back. Unfortunately, some of us betrayed spouses want it put together more than the ex-spouse. For the past three years since my separation (divorced now for one year) I put my best effort to try and win him back. Unfortunately, he can't give up the OW, and continued to live a lie and led me to believe that he wanted the same thing as I do. I still would consider getting back together but he would have a lot to prove to me that he really wants to put "us" back together.

As I start to move on (started dating three weeks ago) the feeling of wanting him back so bad have kind of subsided a little bit. I now feel that since I have come to grips with my singlehood, my reaction towards him is not as much of a needy person. He knows how I feel and how much I love him, but he also knows how much he hurt me and will no longer allow him to hurt me again. As I begin getting comfortable with my newfound freedom, my ex-husband is beginning to see me as a different person and I find that sometimes he is actually flirting with me.

Are you just paying too much attention to him now that you don't really have anyone special in your life? Are you just blinded by your need of companionship that you think you need him to fill that need? Be careful of showing that much vulnerability to him, he could take advantage of it just like my ex did.

If you find that he wants to put your relationship back together, I suggest that you do it with Steve Harley. You don't want to jump into the old routine too quick as it could really be damaging to what can be a very good relationship with your ex-husband.

Telltale sign that he has someone else. "I don't have time to write a good letter" I believe that if a person wants it bad enough, nothing should stand in the way....

Trying reading TOUGH LOVE by J Dobson. It will clarify some things for you