After all that she has done and I have dine I still want her back. Some part of me just can't believe it but I am still very much in love with her. She has been spending alot of nights in bed with me recently and has finally calmed down a little when we talk. But she continues to carve up our lives as happily as ever. I have decided to go ahead and enjoy having her at night. Every night could be our last so why not enjoy what we have when we have it? I am getting the feeling that she is waiting for something to be said by me but I just have no idea what it is. She has been very loving physically in the past few days but I just don't know if I can read into it much. Does anybody out there have an idea (a brainstorm will do!). I am begging for anything you may have. Thanks, John <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know your story, but since you are in the divorcing forum I am guessing you are getting a D? ( I am quick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

If so, who filed? If it was you, maybe she doesn't want a D and is trying to win you back and wants you to say you still love her and will call off the D.

MIF

She is the one that filed (I think) I have yet to see any papers. We had a huge argument last night over nothing more than me asking her to stop something that was very insulting to me. During this argument she told me that she is going to sue me to get me out of our house. I left and got advice from a friend that has been through 2 divorces. I got back and she said she was very sorry and we spent yet another night together. I think this will have to be the last night because she is geting everything she wants right now (divorce,guy in bed,friend to talk to,etc). This is her show and I am tired of playing the fool for her. If she wants me all she has to do is ask, otherwise just leave me out of it. I wish it could be that simple but we really are all we have... What do I do now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Correct me if I'm wrong, I just want make sure I have this straight.

She left, couldn't stay where she was so came back.

She's being nice to you but still threatens with D and know to get you out of the house>

I say that you put it on the line and tell her that if you are going to continue this lifestyle, you want to go to MC and rebuild your relationship.

If she has no interest, you know where you stand.

As you said, she is getting what she wants, how she wants it. Time for things to be in your favor as well.

I have come to realize that she has so many other "crushes" that I will never be able to get through to her. I have stopped thinking about saving this and started thinking about saving my own a**. I cannot believe how many other guys she is watching right now. I know that some of this is planted but not all of it. I am sick of this crap! I want a WOMAN! not a GIRL! I am through with this. I just want the papers so I can sign them and move on with my life. I never wanted this divorce and it is still breaking my heart to go along with it. I would have loved to have her for the rest of my life. I cannot believe she would threaten to sue me to get me out of OUR house. I wish things could have worked out differently but they were not meant to be I guess. She lied so many times I no longer want to trust her if she will not trust me. She is being such a child! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

-ConfusedinWv-,

Get a lawyer !. Not to filed but to get advice how to protect yourself financially.

Get check up for STD !. You don't know if she gave you a gift from OM(s).

Again ask yourself why would you take this treatment ?. Why would you settle for a bread crumb of her ?

-rh-

I am now certain that there was no actual sex involved with any of this. What is here though is the fact that she never stopped looking around for other men. Why would I take any more of this? I won't take it anymore. I am not happy to be her "backup guy" when these other guys reject her. I can say that I do have feelings for her but they are now just very confused and dynamic. It would take a miracle to get us back (I would have to change, she would have to change) I just don't see it happening. I told her today that "we" are through and that I am ready to move on with my life. I want her to just go away. I will come back to my memories later but for now they just hurt too much. I married a child that grew into a woman who then reverted back to a child. I will be getting a lawyer because I don't think that I owe her anything more than I have already given her.

Confused,

I've been where you are at. Trust me, you will be happy w/out her. You will feel lonely and go through a lot of sadness, but in the end, you will be more at peace and happier.

She's not going to change and you're just a doormat for her if you're keeping up w/ what you're doing. Have some respect for yourself. Do you really love a person who is so selfish and so dramatic? Sh*T, I've been through where you've been. What do you really love about her? Think about it. Is it the physical attraction? It'll go away once you don't see her.

Like I told you before, you're still young. YOu don't deserve all this drama. Let the other guy (if there's one) deals with her. I did!!

CA, You are right! I know that I got into this with all the right intentions but she just never really got the idea of "married" as apposed to "involved". I really have started to move on finally but I really hope she does not drag this out for so long that I cannot pursue my goals. I only have 8 months and a week to get this whole thing finished and my life packed up. After that the USAF will not take me. I really think that her lawyer is trying to ream me out for everything I am worth and I just can't take that sitting down. I have to got to my Dad's place (this is going to suck!) I'll check back here later.

How much properties can you really have at 26? It's really not worth to fight over it, personally. I gave up more than what you probably got. Priortize what's important. I'm pretty sure it's HAPPINESS. Do whatever make you happy, and you have a choice. You're waiting for her to change, that's why you're feeling like this. Be proactive and not reactive since you do not see a future together.

How much of your plans to join the Air Force and the 26 year old cut off time does she know? The reason I ask is...if she knows this she may be delaying to put you in a bind where you will give into her demands or lose the AF option. Just a thought. I would check with the courts to see if she even filed the divorce papers...she may realize that her initiating the divorce with no grounds puts her in a bad position for any alimony. GET A LAWYER!!

-ConfusedinWv
I was reading your post here-noticed you began saying you wanted your W back. Marriages are to be an entity, and forever. Divorce is painful and ugly.

For the most part, you do need to get on with your life, regardless of the outcome, and regardless if you want her in your life,. THat's your decision, and yours alone. YOu are the one involved in a R with her,,,

MB is a place designed to save marriages, not help lead one or both to divorce courts.

YOu do need to be prepared, and even think about protecting yourself,, that does not mean that you need to pursue divorce, if thats not what you want. This is about you, not her,
What is it that you want? Do you want a divorce? IF not, state that to her!

I wonder- is it possible that she too is maybe just as confused?

As Redhat stated, contact a lawyer, and that doesn't mean you need to file for a divorce,,

IF your W filed, you can contact the court, and inquire, they will inform you if there is anything, they can't/won't give any other info or advice, otehr than if there are any motions filed.
IF you don't want a divorce,,, then don't pursue a divorce,,,
stephan

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> After all that she has done and I have dine I still want her back. Some part of me just can't believe it but I am still very much in love with her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know how you feel. I was married for 6 years to my H. After only 3 months of seperation he wants a divorce to pursue a relationship with the OW. We have a hearing on Dec. 29th to finalize the divorce. Our anniversary would be on Dec. 30th. I still want him back and have made a commitment, even though we are going to be divorced, to try to reconcile with him.

sweethomenm

i'm wondering, does your H know where you are with reconciling? What about the OW?

What are you doing about it?

,not really wanting to hi-jack your post ConfusedinWv.

MAke it a fabulous day,
stephan

My husband does know where I am with wanting to reconcile. We have not talked about the OW other than him pursuing this relationship. Right now I am working on myself and waiting for the fog to clear.

I NO LONGER WANT TO HAVE HER BACK AT ALL!!!!! I ahve found some pretty nasty stuff. I have had to snoop but it paid off bigtime. She has been covering up her "other" personal life for many years (before we were even married!!!). As far as she was concerned I don't think she was ever married in her mind. Oh and as for the property goes we have a house, many thousands of dollars in various collectibles and 4 cars. After finding all I have found she stands no chance in hell of getting anything from me. I do love her but now only as a daughter/friend nothing more. She betrayed me and used me just to get away form her mom and family. She knows about the USAF plans but if she tries to delay it I will file and push it ahead. She will not come out of this the way she plans! I really hope that I do not have to play this dirty but I have little choice now.....
I do not think that even trying to reconcile would be worth it now. I would have too many demands and she would just start down the same road again in a few months/years. She is acting like a little teenager right now and I just don't need that. I am heartbroken to admit all of this but we are just through' there is no coming back anymore unless she is willing to admit to EVERYTHING that I have found without me prompting her. This just SUCKS!!!!!!!! I gave her my heart and she gave me a great big pile of s**t. I will have to get a lawyer I know I just wish she could have made this simple.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sweethomenm:
<strong> My husband does know where I am with wanting to reconcile. We have not talked about the OW other than him pursuing this relationship. Right now I am working on myself and waiting for the fog to clear. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really ?? ... what is so good about WH ?. Aren't you enableing his A right now ?.

you could answer this at my other thread Do you really want your ex back ? why ?.