I have primary physical custody and my ex and I "share" joint legal custody. Which means he feels entitled to do things that affect our kids without consulting me. Like for instance, taking our son to a new psychologist and only telling me after the fact.

I was talking to MY psychologist this week, and he said he didn't think either of us were allowed to seek psychological/psychiatric help for the minor children without the consent of the other.

Anyone been there?

No, but it's the road I'm heading down. What can I expect?

The best thing I can think of is to go ask your lawyers. Get legal advice.
jnb

In my D papers it is clear that those kinds of decisions are supposed to be made by consulting each other first. If you can't come to an agreement that you are both happy with it has different options (such as using a mediator).

Please post if you find out something of interest from your lawyer. It seems to me that there isn't a lot you can do when one XS just refuses to respect your rights in the decision making about your kids. Short of taking them back to court to try and force the issue I don't know what else a person can do.

I to share "joint legal custody" with my EXWW with me being named custodial parent. Your divorce decree should spell out the rights each one of you have. Like mine states our son lives with me and I have exclusive rights to educational decisions. Everything else is 50/50 with us such as medical decisions, etc. Read over your decree and see what it says. It should state specifically.

I don't know why some people go behind the others back on some things. The decision to take your son to a new psychologist should have certainly been discussed with you and a decision that should have been made together. Even a decision that I can make on my own I discuss it with my EX to get her thoughts. Not becasue I have to but becasue it is the right thing to do. I wouldn't expect her to leave me out of the loop on something and I wouldn't do it to her. Maybe I'm just different. When it comes to the children and their best interest I think both should be involved and the hate for the other parent or ego shouln't get in the way.

xpButtercup,

Your Psychologist is right. Changing schools, changing religions, and any changes that would impact the kids's life would have to be consulted and agreed by the other parent.

Now, you want to be right or you want to do the right thing ?. I assume your kid really need therapy then I suggest to let it go. I would look at why your ex is not comfortable to tell you. Both of you should put the kid's best interest first and not using it as a pawn. So communication between you should be safe and for the sake of your kid.

I would write a very kind note w/o LB'ed to let him know that you want to be notify such thing so that you could help the kid also.

If his purpose is to make a case to gain more custody ... I would be ready. Be the best mom you can be and let 'em evaluate your kid.

-rh-

redhat, I should have referenced my recent post ... my XH thinks that DS does not have ADHD (diagnosed last June) or Asperger's Syndrome (being evaluated next month) and that all of his emotional/social/learning problems are because of ME ... DS has been seeing a counselor since Aug/Sept when he started Strattera and XH is taking him to a new counselor for what I can only assume is a second (third) opinion. What makes me nervous is my psych said that this person specializes in court-ordered evaluations ... makes me wonder if he's gearing up for another custody bid.

I hate to lawyer up if I don't absolutely have to ... it is one of my XH's ways of nickel and diming me to death. Whenever he's trying to get my goat he starts sentences off with "My lawyer says..." and that sort of thing. I can't afford to consult a lawyer before every conversation.

xpButtercup,

This is my suggestion. I would write a complaint or call to this therapist to stop it unless you are involve in the loop. You need this to establish that he violated the court order. Hope it would stop or at least it would get you involve. The threapist can't withold information from you, you have as much access to the info. as you exH does.

Does he still have lawyer ?. You are not suppose to talk to exH. You should talk to your laywer then. You could represent yourself at his expenses. Call his lawyer and let him stop your exH or you would get the court order to stop it. You could go to your country court clerk, they will give you form to fill up and get someone to hand it to his lawyer. See how deep his pocket is ... hit 'em where it hurt.

Call 1-800-Suicide. They have database for your country for all kind of help ... free to low cost legal advice. Ask for referal.

Get ready for second round custody battle. Sorry.

-rh-

Touche.

Red is right. But my prayers are with you xpb.

I'm walking that confusing line myself as we both have joint legal.

I think it's a legal tool to just end divorces easier...think of the legal battles and the time it would take to solve the cases if there had to be a firm decision made with each divorce as to one parent being the custodial/legal one.

I think it makes things easier for the sharklike lawyers out there...makes their worlds and cases easier to deal with and our lives miserable.

It's not best for most kids imho...mine included..I would have had a huge legal nightmare and didn't have enough money to fight my xh if I had gone for complete custody. My old lawyers told me it'd have been at least an extra thirty grand to even attempt to do that.

To All:

A couple of questions to bring up (based on experience):

What if due to FOG:

1. WS or WXS is lying to current psych about actual situation? (Manupulating kids into accepting OM/OW as thier new parent, or worst case - OM likes DD a little too much and XWS denies it...)

2. WS or WXS simply will not agree to any psychological help for children?

All of us have experienced bizarre behavior from WS's, does any of this sound like it would surprise you?

Here is what I did: Talked to WS (in writing) about wanting DD to see a counselor. XWW adamantly objected. I researched, chose 3 psych's from list of 12. Told XWW she could choose final from 3. If she did not, I would choose one and proceed. She cried lawyer, I said "Go ahead". 3-days later she sent her choice (from the 3 on list) and both of us were present for 1st. and several after sessions.

FR