Well, I finally filed for DIVORCE. I found out that she was on affair #4 and decided that I needed to file.

I found more birth control in her purse even after she said that her current male friend is just a friend. I've had a vasectomy so there's no need for birth control. She left over New Years to go to Las Vegas for five days. She's been gone every weekend and I don't know where she is when she's gone.

I started a divorce recovery group at a local church and think that it's really going to help. We told the kids this morning that mom and dad are divorcing. Man that really broke my heart. My daughter was crying and my son was trying to be strong. We asked what he thought and he said, "God knows the plans that he has for us!"

I called my mother-in-law to apologize to her. I told her that 14 years ago I asked for her blessing to marry her daughter and I never wanted it to end this way. She said that it may be that it's not set in yet, but she feels that this isn't the end of her daughter and I being together. I told her that I couldn't live a committed married life while I wondered where my wife was spending the weekends. I let her know that I was willing to go to counseling or try anything, but my wife wasn't open to try. She said she will be praying for us.

I started IC on Saturday and I found a GREAT counselor. He spent 4 years at the Focus on the Family counseling center. He said that I've created a crisis that should have been created some time ago. He said that if there's any ember in my wife's heart for me, that this may in fact fan the flame.

I need to be healed and really grasp why I was unfaithful to my wife. Yes, she wasn't meeting my needs and I found a willing partner, but that doesn't do it for me. I need to really learn why I did what I did. Yes it was sin, but I don't want to make the same poor decision in the future. If I do remarry I may be confronted with the same lack of attention and I need to choose a different path.

Well I'm rambling now.

Thank you to all who will read and pray.

Tough times are ahead, but by the grace of God, counseling and the support of friends I will live as a Victor and not a Victim. I'm determined to be better and not biter. I will work this out and not act this out.

God Bless,

Titleist

Titleist -

My prayers are with you and your children through this road in your life. God will give you the strength to make the right decisions for you and your children.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I need to be healed and really grasp why I was unfaithful to my wife. Yes, she wasn't meeting my needs and I found a willing partner, but that doesn't do it for me. I need to really learn why I did what I did. Yes it was sin, but I don't want to make the same poor decision in the future. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Private lies by Dr Frank Pittman, discusses reasons for affairs, many different ones, from his counseling experiences. . .

very enlightening. . . i found myself in there. . .

wiftty

I will be praying for you. Try not to even think about "the next relationship" Get in deep w/ God and he will reveal to you the deep hurts/desires that are within you. I pray for your kids. Please be as amicable as possible for their sake!

~p.s your sn looks familiar, do you post on other christian boards?

Titleist,

May I suggest "Torn Asunder". I am reading it the second time after one and a half years of separation, and again, it gives me a better understanding of how both of us behaved in the marriage and the affair that was brewing within.

The author is Dave Carder.

T ~ I assure you my brother of my prayers! God will NOT let go of your rope my friend!!! He's got too much invested in you...the life of His own Son!

High Flight