My husband and I are separated and have been so for almost 3 months. He goes back and forth about giving me a chance, however he is currently saying never gonna happen. He can not seem to get past the things I have done (no infidelity or anything like that mostly things I have said). He says right now he hates me but is willing to be civil to me. I hate the thought of him hating me. It makes me crazy because I feel so bad about everything I have done.

How do I help see that so he can forgive me. I dont want to manipulate him, just show him I am truly sorry?

Have you read the concepts on the site. They can help you to be the best person you can be and help your spouse fall in love with you again.

Forgiveness is about the person who is forgiving. It frees them, not the other person.

I can fully empathsize. My xwife never allowed herself to forgive me for some of my behavior (workaholic nature for 2 yrs, occasional harsh word when exhausted, most of all, not giving her a child even though she agreed to no children when we married because I'd had "the surgery" done already). She chose to act out her anger & resentment in an affair. Then she chose to sabatoge the recovery after the affair.

Bottom line? We have no control whatsoever over what others will choose and not choose. Never forget that! He may choose to be angry & unforgiving forever. It's his choice. Tragically, if he chooses NOT to forgive you, he will pay for it in spades going forward.

What can you do? Pray for God to intervene, and then He will as much as your husband is willing. Invest yourself fully in the MB concepts taught here. Act the part of one who deserves and requests forgiveness!!

That is all you can do. Nothing more. Forgiveness is above all ... a choice!

High Flight

i am in the same boat my wife is holding on to stuff and wont let go or forgive and there is not much i can do . I have done my part to change go to counseling and tell her how i feel about her but in the end its up to her if she wants to forgive . i look at it this way its her loss. i lover but cant force her to forgive. she wanted to work stuff out and now wants a divorce.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: s350sxx ]</small>

I understand all that you guys are saying. Someone said to me on another board that I should believe only half of what I hear, well I believe that. I think he is too angry to deal with at this point. Maybe that will change who knows but the thought of it not changing breaks my heart to pieces.

wst...

i agree with newly... it's about the person who is forgiving... it took me countless hours of IC/MC and therapy to realize that simple fact... and when forgiveness 'truely' arrived, i knew it because i started wishing my WS well from the inside... the anger had disappated along with much of the hurt... WS came to me fourteen months after she left for OM, saying she was sorry and asking for forgiveness... i had already forgiven her without her ever even asking or knowing... i figured out through MB that she was trying to shed her guilt... i guess now she needs to forgiver herself...
so to answer your question, imho, absolutely...

be well

samm

see samm said it best. forgiveness is on both sides. not just one said and it frees both sides not just one side.

though i am not there yet. it is hard to forgive the loss of your children when you know in your heart he did the alienation with lies and emotional incest. and the daily reminders of his selfishness.