I have been divorced for two yrs Leagally, but my ex left and is gone since 98`

We went through a very bad divorced.. Did not speak for two yrs, and then things (thanks to ALL my doing) calmed down, so we could be civilized for our daughter sake, (who is now 17)

as time went on, he had at one time attempted a lame come back w/me, which was just too susupicious to me, so I was caucious and wound up totally right on target with my assumptions, he used me to see if the MOW would sh%^&&! or get off the pot to be with him.. he used me as a pawn for his pathetic plan for her..

well she never left her H, so my ex left her, and now was finished using me and changed his mind about our divorce and finally signed our papers two yrs ago.. so all in all it took 4 yrs in the making.. It wound up he married another woman that his sister introduced him to.. after only a yr of dating HER, he is married for the 3rd time..

NOW.. he has a son who is now 32, (but was 11 when we had first met) from the marriage/divorce before me, and we have one daughter who as I said is 17, but was 10 (almost 11) when he left ME.. so the man is definitly consistant..

any way.. he was always lienient with both his sone and our daughter, and poored my daughter (and his son as well) with lots of gifts, and allowing them both to do things behind their mothers backs, just so he can look good.. AND to get our goats as well.. well he pulled a real fast one this last week end.. and I am furious..!

he allowed my 17 yr old daughter to go on a trip alone with her boy freind who is 20.. who is also a minor according to the law, (not yet 21) and when they got to FL./universal they asked a complete stranger to sign them in, being you have to be 21 to get a room.!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am livid!!! to say the least.. I was told he was going with them.. so he lied to me.. and she went along with this, KNOWING I would have never aloud this..

I called the hotel, and told them they had two minors staying in thier hotel, and I was EXTREMELY ANGRY.. and I would get back to them on this..

I have no idea how to go about handling this... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> what would YOU do, if it were up to you?????

PLEASE HELP ME...?? ANY SUGGESTIONS OR HELP WOULD DO.. I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am doing all I can to hold back my anger and try to this rationally, but at this very moment if I could be a man for just five mintues, my ex would be crippled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for any help you can give me..

AV

{{{{AV}}}}
I empathize with your situation. My WH left in 2000 and we still aren't DV'd, so I relate to your timeline. He also tried to be best friends with the kids (kicked me out, moved in MOW who was just a few years older than the kids, threw "kegger" parties for them, took them to a marijuana legalization concert and when they weren't allowed in because they were underage, he bought them pot and rented a motel room where they all got stoned together... and there's more, but you get the picture).

In WH's case, it backfired and the kids wanted to stay with me, the mean, old-fashioned parent. The kids, in this case, were his niece and nephew for whom we were legal guardians and were teenagers at the time. Nothing he did (and he's done alot!!) ever upset me the way his treatment of the kids upset me. When he found out they weren't happy with his partying, he threw them out into the street!! I found out the next day and rented a motel room with kitchenette for all of us. I filed for divorce, got a restraining order, and went back to the house with the cops and had him and MOW kicked out. That was 4 years ago - hard to believe so much time has passed.

If the kids had chosen to stay with him, I probably would've reported him to CPS, but they didn't, and they'd been through enough of that getting taken away from their parents.

Is your daughter home? Have you talked to her about it? What does she say? Have you told her how you feel? Can you establish rules for her to live with you? I'd focus on your relationship with her, not XH - you can't do anything about him - don't put her in the middle between the two of you.

LT

First off thank you for responding to my post... Most do not know me here, being I hardly post.. so I am very greatful for your reply.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

and Yes, my daughter has always lived with me, thank goodness..! and she knows I would have interviened if I had known about this before hand..

My ex is immature and buys his way out of everything, so he does not HAVE TO deal with it..

He also bought me, way back when "I was love blind" but this divorce has aloud me to see him for what and who he is.. funny how tragedy leads to reality, isn`t it? or should I say smarten you up, to a point that you realy LEARN from all your past mistakes..

I was in denial for so long I beleived in us, (menaing my ex and I) and shrugged off the problems that brought us to this point.. BUT....! since I have wised up LEARNED and live now with a better light to reality, morals and values. I see where he realy never had them, so I know now that the fact is, he will never change and never "BE" all that he SHOULD HAVE BEEN OR BE, to his kids.. Never was a good father, and never will be, in the respect tbat is NORMAL..

any way.. My delma is there is nothing I can do about this, with out consequences.. one big one is finacial.. so he has got me by the B$#@#s!! so to speak.. he knows of course now that it is done, it is too late, she went already, but got caught by my persistant investigating.. and YES my daughter knows EXACTLY how I feel, and what I would have done, and now will be even more on her case for any future adventures she may come up with.. I already told her from this point forward I will have to check air line tickets to "ALL" that are going, as proof to whats going on.. or she can not go.. so she got away with it this time, and I am "Still" livid, and have to live with this fact, for the rest of my life.. and it is not going to be easy to hold back my tone, or attitude if I ever have to face that man, again, in person, after this, for some time to come.. I can not beleive this man, or any man, allowing his LITTLE GIRL to do this.. period!!!!

I have set rules and regulations for her, to this day.. and as far as what she said, she smirked, like ha ha, I finally got away with it, and it is too late.. this time you were fooled.. which of course makes me even more angry, BUT I am so proud of my self for keeping mt cool.. because as far as I am concerned, I blame HIM alot more then I blame her.. (although she is not out of trouble over this just yet, I am thinking about a repercussion to all of this at this very moment, so she has to pay for her well planed out exstravaganza, because she was the coprit to it all, I`m sure, it was just him, who stup[idly agreed to help her through it!!!)

I called my dad, and even though I would love nothing more then to get this man in court to be, belittle BY SOME PROFESSIONAL ATHORITIES!!, I can not afford to do so.,, so he gets his way, always, because of this.. and thats is what kills me most.. he gets away with everything, all the time, but "I" am always the bad guy.. go figure.. this world is so screwed up, it is fanominal!! nothing surprises ne any more, just frustrates me, to no end..

thank you again LT.. and good luck to you to, with your divorce.. it is only after the papers were signed and all done that I felt suh a huge releif.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and you will to..

take care... have to run....AV