X took our son (3yrs 3 mths old) for three hours (visitation).
I prepared supper and waiting for my little boy to come home.

They came, and X, in front of him, said that our son was very upset, he doesn't want to come home but stay with him. He also said - let's go disscuss here (in front of the house, for I don't invite him in).

I said - I thought we agreed you teach him rules too, our home(s) rules, this is time you bring him back, and I don't see any need to disscuss this. You teach him rules, and make him to respect them.

He said - How can I teach him and make him respect them, HE IS THREEEEE!!!!!

(He meant - he's big enough to decide by himself? he has strong will of his own? or he's too little to tell him what to do? or what??)

DUH!?!??

I said - Once he's 18 he will still have to respect rules of the house he lives in; if you don't teach him that from NOW on, people who will leave with him won't be happy with him, therefore he won't be happy himself either! And you should know this, from your own experience!

AT that time, my little boy cried so much, not wanting to get in.
It broke my heart.
I didn't want to force him to get in, I just said to X - OK, take him with you and bring him tomorrow.

Of course, my X was so unhappy (he doesn't want him for a longer time, all he wants is just to ... I don't know actually what he wants (any idea??)...
X doesn't respect any rule, and I'm so afraid he'll transfer that life style to our son.
One of concerns related to his part of upbringing our son that I don't cope with nor agree with very well...

SO, I kissed my son, and went inside... hidding my real feelings...

Was I so wrong doing this?
What should have I done?

Please, please your advise!

First, he's with his father tonight, not an ax-murderer (he's NOT an ax-murderer, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). He'll be okay.

And seeing how I have huge issues parenting my teen daughter, I have no business giving advice.

But...there are many days I'd like to go back to when they were three. At that age, their moods change so quickly. And no, the are not big enough to make decisions on their own!

So in answer, if it happens again tomorrow night, I'd just pick him up (because you can still do that when they're three--enjoy it while it lasts), carry him in the house crying, distract him with something for a while, and I'll bet within a short amount of time he'll forget all about things and be all happy again.

LL

Oh, I know he'll be fine with him tonight.

I too think I made mistake, and, as you said, should take him into the house, even if he was crying.

Yes, my reaction was childlish and stupid. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I'll never do the same again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />


Thanks, Lordslady!

I don't think it was childish and stupid, at least not from what I read in your post. You didn't want to see your son cry having to leave his dad, so you let him stay the night.

It's hard to watch little kids cry in situations like that. And it's hard to decide what the right choice is, considering either way he was going to be with one of his parents.

Let him enjoy his time with his dad (even if his dad may not have been super happy about the way it turned out), and then bring him home tomorrow.

LL

No, didn't mean you, but it's me thinking that way about my reaction!

Yes, it broke my heart seeing him crying (I was too weak, mistake!), but also I didn't want to 'take him away' from his daddy...

Oh, God, I love him... too much, it seems...

Children do this because they love both parents and they are torn. And they want both parents to feel good, so they cling.
Make sure your actions are good, such as telling son to have a good time when he goes with dad, and acting happy (rather than crying).
And on the return, talk about their time together and mention that he'll see him again soon.
Be upbeat about his time with dad - even if it kills you inside.

Perhaps change things too. Instead of bringing son in house, take him for a walk after dad brings him home that way he's not torn between dad and mom's place.
Many books are available to help on this.

My kids are a little older, but I try to reinforce that Mom and Dad make the schedule. We will make sure that they have plenty of time with each of us. If one is sad, we'll remind him/her of the next time they will get to see the other parent.

I let them call their father whenever they are missing him, too. It was a lot at first, but has slowed since they are used to the schedule.

thank god he has 2 parents that want to share him. and you will make the rules that need to be followed and some that are flexable with a phone call that is up to you two. and he has some input.

like I said thank god for what you got. I haven;t seen my daughters since labor day.

my door is always opened. btw

Newly,
I do my best encouraging their bonding.
I have no problem (yet) that my son doesn't want to go there; he adores playing computer games and his dad allows him with no limits.
Sometimes my son wakes up in the night dreaming bout those games... I'm so mad about that...
This morning we were going out, to give him a ride to daycare, and me to work; he said he didn't want to go to 'school' but to his dad to play on the computer...
I know he loves him too, and I know it is very good for him.
Yes, when he gets back we talk about time he spent with his dad... he seems pleased and I very often say how much ALL OF US love him.

So, in general, I think I am doing fine helping him to adjust.

And, there are moments like this that I lose my control... will learn to avoid it...
And... sometimes I'm jealous if I think my son loves him more than he loves me... I know I should avoid this thinking too...

It would be a great idea to take him for a walk before getting back to home... but most of time he comes back too hungry and too tired (X is always quite late bringing him back...)

Any particular book you'd recommend?


Cyllanlisa ,
My son almost never ask to talk with his dad; it's me who ask him very often if he wants me to dial his dad, if there are more days between their meetings...
I hope he'll get used to it, especially when he's bigger and have more of social life himself, duties, and - when he learns when is Wed when is 'every second weekend'...


Stone Cold,
Why didn't you see your daughter for a such long time?