My situation in a nutshell is: I told my 15 year old daughter she could not go somewhere with XH and his girlfriend (who is a woman much like the OW you described) and XH picked D up from school during her lunch hour. That was 6 months ago and I haven't seen her since. There isn't a damn thing I can do but file contempt of court charges, show up for court dates and keep trying to get my child back from XH and OW.

Mrsed... Cann I just say OH MY GOD !!!!! - But really why dont' you think that would have happened if she had gone with them for the weekend??? Just because he went and took her from school??? My ex doesn't want my girls and that I am sure of because he has seen them like no more than 30 times in 3 years.....But I cannot imagine what you are going through.. I spoke to my oldest almost 15 year old - and I asked her - are you going away to be with your dad or are you going away to be with this boy - and she said this boy - so I simply said - well you can tell your dad that you have changed your mind about going or I can continue to fight with him - and she said that she wanted to change her mind - and not go... So I think that the matter is settled - don't get me wrong I would love her to go away with her Dad....but for the right reasons - not to go away to hang out with a 17 year old boy...

Hi maw,

The reason I don't think it would have happened if she had gone for the weekend is because my daughter had never, in the 3 years since her father abandoned us, spent the weekend with him.

I, like you, thought he didn't want her or the hassle of raising her. Up until he took her, they spoke on the phone about twice a month and she always initiated the calls. The only "visitation" was D had been to dinner with XH 4 or 5 times in 3 years.

Reading your thread was definately a "trigger" for me and I just felt compelled to tell you to have something (such as the restraining order) in place, so that just in case something happens it is a criminal matter and not a civil matter.

Although I am the custodial parent and even though my XH is in contempt of court for non-payment of child support, this has been allowed to go on way too long and I fear I will never get my child back.

He has filed a motion for change of custody and is asking for child support. The OW's son is a creepy 19 year old pervert and her other children are allowed to run wild. She tells people I was a horrible wife and mother and that she is the only mother my D has ever known.



Take care of you and your beautiful children.

Oh god I cannot even imagine... Do they live near you ??? Does your daughter want to stay there??? What would make him after neglecting her for so long - to suddenly jump back into it??? I can only imagine that my thread was a trigger - fortunately for me - if he takes her - he lives one town over - and his girlfriend lives next door - and my children knew her before any of this - and she is not someone that they even talk to.... I really cannot even imagine - But why is the court allowing this to happen???

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But why is the court allowing this to happen??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First, this is a civil matter. Therefore it takes time (way too much time) for motions to be filed and counterfiled and court dates to be set. XH's attorney is very good at getting court dates postponed, 3 so far.

There has been a pre-trial hearing, one appearance before the judge where he ordered evaluation of all parties involved, countless phone conferences between the attorneys and the judge.

I went to my evaluation immediately. After 30 days I had to file yet another contempt of court to get XH and D to go. Now we are waiting for yet another court date. It just goes on and on. 6 months of this is a "lifetime" to me but in the legal process it's "moving right along".

XH lived 6 miles from me but after taking D he moved 40 miles away and enrolled my daughter in school there.

Initially, from 2001 to early 2004, OW lived 1/2 mile from me and was essentially my next door neighbor since we live in the country and her's was the next place over.

No, D does not want to come home. She so desperately wanted her father's attention for those 3 years and he is apparently finally feeling remorse for the abandonment so XH immediately bought her a Jeep and a cell phone and she is allowed to run wild with OW's children.

If I had filed charges when he tried to run me off the road in 2002, if I had filed charges when he threatened to kill me in front of D when she was 12, if I had filed a restraining order against OW everytime she threatened or harrassed me in the past 3 years...THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING!

Ok I get it - he is buying her - and she is well a teenager and accepting it... Not fair to you - or really not fair to her in the long run.. The OW in my case has tried to drive me off the road, and threatened my life - and this has been recorded with the police station - where I live you cannot really get a restraining order - unless you are married to someone or can prove like stalking whatever - but when and if I ever talk to my ex -- he will be told in no uncertain terms that he is not allowed at my house - I could issue a no trespassing order - Now the last time she threatened my life - I saved the recorded message - but I didn't show it to the police which was probably a mistake on my part - but I have it -- My daughters don't crave their fathers attention - because he has been verbally abusive to all of us throughout this whole thing - I just cannot even imagine what you are going through - But remember she is your daughter and I am sure she will come around.... Stay strong..

Why did the school allow him to pick up your daughter if you are the custodial parent? In my state, I have to send in written permission for their father to pick them up from school. The fact that we have joint legal custody made no difference.

Nellie...I wish I lived in your state.

Maw...Thank you for your kind words of support, a few other people have also told me that she will come around. I just worry so much that something horrible will happen to her before then.

Her grades are in the toilet and she has given up all of her school sports. XH is allowing her to date and drive unsupervised. She has terminated all contact with her brothers, my parents and everyone else in my family.

As for me...this is the first time in 25 years that I've not had a child to raise and I'm not handling it well.

I hope you are able to "get away" from the OW soon and I wish you and your children all the best.

Mrsed - she will come around - soon something will make her realize that life is not a party... Yes it might be tough realizing that yes indeed she made a mistake - but I truly believe that she will - I think that next to WS - teenagers are the second most selfish people - you know they want everything to go their way - and if they dont' get it their way - well we as the parent sometimes tend to suffer - but if she has a good foundation - hopefully she will see the error of her ways.. and if for some reason she doesnt' anytime soon - that is not your fault - you have done the best that you could..and are trying everything possible to make her realize it... Gee I just cannot even imagine how you feel... I really hope that she comes around soon - for her sake - and for yours....

Hey MAW,
I haven't read the whole thread, so I am not sure how things have turned out regarding the vacation. Boy, I would definitely stand my ground about going away with the OW and the 17 yr. old kid. Wow, your x has some guts.
My kids are at their dad's this week (and new stepmother)....I have resigned myself to this, and she is good to them, so I'm really healing over it all. I'm so much better. Things have calmed down a LOT for me. I'm so sorry that you are having to endure this drama, even after all this time has passed since your D. He needs to leave you alone, and the OW needs to go away, and leave you to peace..
If you want to email, i'm at khil0311@yahoo.com
KK