Hi I am new to this sight and i am hoping to find some good advice. Here is my story my wife of 4 years (been together for ten) decided she wanted
a seperation because she is unhappy in marriage/life. She says I am not meeting her emotional needs and that I am inmature. SHe says she has no hope for us and that she doesn't want to go to counsling. We have 2 beautiful children (ages 1 & 3)that i love dearly and take great care of them..She already has got an apartment and we are selling our house (can't afford it on my own)what should I do? Is it over? How should I act towards her when I see her every weekend? We always talked about having kids and we do and all of a sudden she is not happy..We have had a bad year together i.e. Stress, money issues but those are things we can work on but she will not go to counseling..Any advice will be great because I am hurting for myself and my kids..Because in the long run they will be the ones that suffer....HELP!!!!

Mace, welcome. And sorry you find yourself here. No, this doesn't have to be the end. Have you read the entire site? That's a good place to start.

Has your wife filed for legal separation or divorce?

A big and important piece is whether there is someone else in the picture.

I don't have more time now. But I'll check back in and maybe some who are wiser than I will respond.

Thanks...She has not filed for legel seperation or divorce. we have only been seperated for 2 months. She tells me there is no one else but I am not ruling that out... She says she is stressed out/Depressed and thinks that I don't know how to take care of her..etc...She is seeing a therapist to help her with her problems and I feel the therapist is blaming me for all her unhappiness and talked her into getting a seperation..I don't know....Any advice will help....

I am sorry and know this is very hard for you.

Do you know if there is someone else? Sounds like she has made her mind up, and is getting support from somewhere to reinforce her feelings.

This is just hard, and I wish you the best getting through it.

I may be in a similar situation in having to separate. I Love my wife very much as you obviously love yours. My problem is that I don't think I can ever forgive her for the way in which she betrayed me.

mace00 I'm very sorry to hear your problem. We are in a very similar situation and I understand your pain. But I still have my house and she is with her father. You stated that she is now seeing a counseler? Are you? Maybe you should consider talking to the same one. That way they have both sides and can make some connections and understandings that you couldn't alone. I would like my wife to start seing a counseler. I haven't been seperated nearly as long as you. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out.

Mace.. I feel your pain, and I am sorry you are having to go thru it.. It is not as uncommon as you may think.. There are usually not just a few big things that pushes people apart, but many little things (spoken and done) that add up, along with not attending to each others needs that makes people somewhat strangers to each other... You say she won't go to counseling?? Did she say why?? Are you going to counseling?? You should, regardless if she does or not... Also, is she open to reading?? If she is, then definitely get her the His Needs/Her Needs and Lovebusters books... If you both could start reading them ASAP - then you would have at least a chance at saving your marriage... You need to work on you.. on the things that have pushed her away.. but make them real... don't play games.. If you love her, then you will need to change - and she'll see it.. You can do this... Good luck..

You mentioned that all of a sudden she stated she wasnt happy. That is a red flag. Maybe you should investigate if an OP is involved. Thru the course of my readings about why people leave, there are two reasons why they do. One is that they are 'pushed out'. That is, their life as a spouse was so painful that the only recourse was to leave. I have generally associated this with an abusive spouse... or that their spouse had an affair...was an alcoholic...etc. The other reason is that the WS leaves b/c they are 'pulled out'. That is, someone else outside the marriage is involved. Your wife suddenly making a proclamation of being un-happy is very suspicious. I think after you read several posts on this forum, you will understand why this seems so. Be careful in how things look. My wife did the same thing. In my situation, we were intimate the day she told me those fateful words. But after reading posts here....not uncommon for a WS to do even that.