Ok, I know I shouldn't have continued to email men from a singles site. It was about a month ago, I emailed just two guys that looked nice, professional, older, and live in my town. I moved out of my husband's house right before Christmas. There was a really bad fight, I said there would be the last. I posted on this site that I emailed men and I knew it wasnt' a good idea. I understand the reasoning but actually it is helping to have support - even emailing a few guys to know there's life out there. I'm so afraid to file for a divorce despite all that's happened in my four year marriage. I was honest in emailing both men, I'm separated, my father is sick with cancer, it's not a good time for a serious relationship but I said I'd like to just email for now. They both kept emailing me. I dont' even have photos of either, but strange both are more supportive then my husband, by how they right. I don't want to cheat, I never have in this marriage, my husband was the one calling other women and flirting. I never did. I figure this is "clean" so long as I dont' meet them until I know for sure my divorce will be final or is final. I've only seen my husband twice in almost three months, I dont' want to see him... I had hope for counseling but I'm weary right now and I need my space. Likely these guys won't keep emailing me anyways... I mean I'm fairly pathetic right now, 36, separated, young baby, dad dying, running a business, still a little overweight from baby, etc... who would want me anyways?

You need space.... Space for what? Space to explore... Space to find someone else.. Space to start having your emotional needs met by another man... Space for what?

There's a good old saying "If you sit in the barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a hair cut". You are playing with a fire here, IMHO. You have some self-esteem issues, you're lonely, and now you're getting help from these "supportive" men. I'd say you're ripe for the picken....

There's another thread, that took a detour about this by "ItHurts", I hope my buddy GnomeDePlume doesn't mind but I believe his advise applies here as well:

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Call it want you want. Rationalize it however you want. There are ways of dealing with loneliness which do not unnecessarily expose your vulnerabilities and which do not unecessarily risk your image or reputation. Ways which are likely to contribute positively to your healing and growth. Instead of seeking out those opportunities, you are talking about not just playing with fire but sitting in it.
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HOrsey,
You are going through so much. Take it easy on yourself. Maybe it isn't the best thing you could be doing to get support, but so what? IT's what you are doing, and I trust that you'll keep your guard up and not let it become anything it shouldn't.
There's nothing wrong with emailing these men. If it's helping you cope, it's good medicine. SO what if it isn't exacly normal morally. What looks like normal on an ordinary day does not apply to you right now. I really doubt you would be doing this is you felt better.
I for one wouldn't worry about it. If the men start pressuring you for a last name your address, etc, I'd stop communicating wiht them. BUt I've met a few friends on dating sites, and they were exactly that: friends.
Keep your boundaries and your standards.
WE all need friends, and sometimes, a man who is ready to give compliments is worth his weight in gold when we really need one!
You have my blessing.
Lucy

If I've learned anything it is boundaries and not choosing the wrong men. I don't think I'd go down this road a second time, I'd recognize such a man a mile away, even in emails... one like my husband. Yes, I am going through a lot right now. My dad is really hard on me, both the men I've been emailing are in their 40s, they both lost their dads in the past few years. They are emailing me about that, hobbies, local stuff, that's all. It's a wierd way to make friends and get support, I'll admit that, but it's strange how you communicate via email or on the internet... One of the guys is more agressive, the other is more shy. Guess the two combined with a few traits from my husband might be the guy for me. Yes, I need space right now. I dont' think I'm ripe for the picking. I never have been that way in life. Mostly I've ran men off, likely I'll continue to do so now that I'm older and wiser. I like being independent, I scare most men off anyways in the end. Those that admire me tend to be just friends anyways, I'm too into my career, traveling, my own life. I know I'm selfish and too modern. Anyways I really think my niave days are over, my husband fixed that for me. I'm doubting if I'll ever marry again, and I certainly won't live with anyone, I never have without being married. I"m a private person, the internet works well for me...

I know what you mean about writing. That's why internet friends are such good support, if you're a person who writes.
And if they have lost their dads as well, that is a good support. Bereavment is a hrd thing to suffer without identifying with someone else.
I think I"ll stay single too. I am selfish and like my independence, my life, myself too much.
Also, I realized yesterday that my dream relationship is one that doesn't exist, but to me it's worth keeping than having the reality of love gone wrong.
I need to be crazy about someone to make it worth giving up my dreams to be with them. I always have to choose between an incredible man and the potential for a life of love, or the things I want to do, know I can do on my own.
There in lies the problem... I get crazy about someone and can;t balance it out. I did it twice now-- I've been lucky enough to have love twice in my life already. I don't need anymore.
I have memories, and the beleif that anything good I've ever been given is mine to keep.
Lucy==
PS-- nice to have you back!

((Horsey))

I didn't mean to come off sounding like such a [censored], this is one of those subjects that's near and dear to me because it's affected my life through my friends....

If you read ItHurts thread, you'll see it's basically the same question, different situation...