Ok, yesterday STB XW picked up the kids from school, took them to her apt. and then to dinner. After she returns them home my 10 year old daughter tells me all about mommy's boyfriend.

XW showed her his picture, he's in a band, told her she wants to marry him some day and possibly adopt a new child.

We aren't even divorced legally yet! There's still at least 2 weeks until it's final.

Just yesterday XW told me that she knows how foolish she was to throw in the towel so quickly without even trying. And that she had times in this seperation that she wanted to save the marriage... but not one time did she ever say a single word or lift a finger to give me any type of hope or reason. I asked her why she didn't and she said she was stupid, stubborn, hard headed, things like that.

Then I start wondering to myself how far away are we from doing something just see if there's hope. If she's had those type feelings since it's been so bad, are those feelings so fake that they have to be ignored?

But then last night happened. My D told me about XW's boyfriend and her hopes of marriage. It really makes me sick that she's SO in love with this guy and it makes me mad that XW is showing him off to our kids while we're still married. What kind of example is that setting?!?

Finally the thing that's going to make this painful for a while. The band he's in has a website with photos of their different stops (all bars). So now whenever I want to see pictures of my XW with her boyfriend, all I have to do is go to the website. Isn't that great!?! I know, I'm only hurting myself, but I had to see with my own eyes. God this hurts... I'll never understand how she could do it.

Anyway, at times today I've been mad, depressed and confused. I feel like she's crossed the line showing off her BF's picture, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. Except talk to her and I don't care to hear the lies or get in a fight.

{{{{{{{{{JB}}}}}}}}} I don't know what to say. Your Dday was close to mine, but your remarriage was about the time I began NC because I couldn't stand anymore lies and fighting either.

Yesterday I found out MOW is pregnant and close to delivery date. This whole process is so painful. Yeah, your STBXW is wrong to show off OW's picture to your kids and could've easily waited until divorce was final. What can you do now to take care of JB?

Hey JB

I think despite all your handling it really well.

Just listen to the kids and offer your love and smile and never make them feel like they are a missionary of information.

The pain will slowly very slowly go away.

Let the pain drive its obstacle course and don't try and stop it.

Nick

Hey JB,

I know what you're going through. It hurts like hell! I went through it back in 1989. The only difference is my H wasn't trying for a divorce, just cheating. I let it go on for six months before I finally put my foot down and said it had to be one way or the other. He chose the other. It took me five years to start coming out of it all. I had made so many sacrifices trying to make it work that I wasn't even sure which direction I was going in anymore.
It took me until 1999 before I got serious with anyone again. Unfortunatly, I hadn't learned to see red flags and ended up in a similar situation. This time the other person wasn't a female lover, it was a family that he put above and beyond me ever since we got married. I don't know what made him start doing that. Before we married he treated me just as good as he did them - at least that's what I thought - but as time passed his priorities became mor and more clear. Good luck!