Had long tough day at work yesterday. Working out 'time-share' agreement to try to meet daughter's needs. Thought it was going to kill me to do that.

Today guidance counselor at her school calls. They think she's suicidal. I'm already home today. That was a good call. She had left what her friends perceived to be a suicide note written on her locker. Last week she got into cutting her arms. Friday her boyfriend broke up with her.

How do I know what she needs? How do I help her get those needs met?

I know this doesn't mean I am a bad mother. But does her father know that?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But does her father know that?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You shouldn't care.

Your focus should be on helping your D get the help she needs to become emotionally healthy.
May God bless you and your family in this difficult time. Stay strong, and continue to take care of yourself through this phase.

Cinders, I'm send huge, tight hugs. Teen suicide is scary. I can only imagine how helpless you feel. Luckily, with help and support from caring adults, and time to grow, and possibly medications, your daughter will come out of this alive and even thriving.

Sometimes, I wonder if what late adolescents and young adults really need is monotomy. Looking back, life was too full of options, too little structure. I don't really know. I just don't know.

thinking of you.......

I have had students that were into or had been into cutting....sometimes it seems they really don't know why they do it.....

at least your D has someone who cares, so many of my students have no one, not even themselves....

We spent two hours in her counselor's office today. And she is in-patient in an adolescent psychiatric hospital as we speak. They expect she will be there about 7 days.

All her younger brother knows is that she is broken-hearted and has depression and is in the hospital. That is enough for him.

So, we are doing all we can right now.

Monday, in her counselor's office, where x and I were w/ counselor about compromise on her living with her dad, he was respectful and not manipulative.

Today, while counselor was talking with G and x and his wife and I were waiting and chatting in waiting area, he got into that voice - I can't describe it but it is the voice I will not tolerate - I leaped to my feet and went to the receptionist's window and asked if she had a safe place I could wait. I sat down, farther from him, and he did it again. I looked at his wife and told her I did not have issues with her. I looked the other way the rest of the time until they called us back. But there was no place safe for me to wait.

I let him say what he wants. Then I usually say what I want. I know that I am the one, according to the decree, who can make the decisions. And I might need to tell the hospital that.

I hate this.

Cinderella - I to cannot imagine what you are going through but don't let it be about your ex - your daughter isn't depressed because of you - it isn't your fault - and don't let him make you feel like it is... Honestly the pressures of being a teen nowadays would be hard on the most easy going of kids .. But don't even give him a second thought - I know easier said than done... But stay strong and help your daughter - hopefully she will realize that no boyfriend is this important.. But you know I remember back in high school - when that first love was in my life - and how intense it was - it really is tough - And I am sure she will make it through with all of the help that she is receiving - And you just have to be there for her... Stay strong ....

My heart goes out to you Cinderella. Prayers for you, your daughter, and family.
I have been going through the same thing with my daughter (who is 14).
I will type more later, I have to get her to school.
{{{{{{{{{Cinderella}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Our story:
My daughter was placed at an Inpatient Adolescent Psychiatric facility for a week, due to her cutting on herself and indicating to the crisis worker that she was suicidal. She has been out for almost a month. She continues to pick at "boo-boos", which is another form of self multilation, from what I understand. She hasn't cut on herself since then, though. She is on medication for her depression, seeing a Psychiatrist, a counselor, and we are seeing a family counselor.
My husband and I (her father) are still together and we only have one child together, so that is where our stories differ.
I would like to be a source of support for one another, if you are up to it. I have never gone through anything like this.

Raskal-

My husband and I (her father)

Just curious, are you in a gay marriage or was that typed wrong?

Thanks.

Too

The good thing is that I know this is not about me. These are her choices and I know I would have had her in a psychiatrist's office sooner had I not had to deal with her dad. He didn't want her to be on meds.

It's a scary thing when your daughter's 'friends' give her implements with which to hurt herself. I did tell the guidance counselor who had given them to her - according to daughter's journal.

Maybe those girls can get some help, too.

Anyway, I have a friend who is a social worker at this hospital. She says social worker handling daughter's case is good. She says the psychiatrist to whom they will refer her is good. Son's psychiatrist knew of him and says he is pretty good. Daughter's psychologist knew of him with no complaints. Guidance counselor at school was very impressed with daughter's counselor. So that is all good.

Fortunately, they got the note off my daughter's locker just as soon as the guidance counselor saw it.

I don't get to see daughter until first meeting with psychiatrist Friday morning. Would have done it sooner but x couldn't do it tomorrow morning - found out too late to adjust his work schedule. But maybe the longer break is good.

The good thing is that I know this is not about me. These are her choices and I know I would have had her in a psychiatrist's office sooner had I not had to deal with her dad. He didn't want her to be on meds.

It's a scary thing when your daughter's 'friends' give her implements with which to hurt herself. I did tell the guidance counselor who had given them to her - according to daughter's journal.

Maybe those girls can get some help, too.

Anyway, I have a friend who is a social worker at this hospital. She says social worker handling daughter's case is good. She says the psychiatrist to whom they will refer her is good. Son's psychiatrist knew of him and says he is pretty good. Daughter's psychologist knew of him with no complaints. Guidance counselor at school was very impressed with daughter's counselor. So that is all good.

Fortunately, they got the note off my daughter's locker just as soon as the guidance counselor saw it.

I don't get to see daughter until first meeting with psychiatrist Friday morning. Would have done it sooner but x couldn't do it tomorrow morning - found out too late to adjust his work schedule. But maybe the longer break is good.

Hugs and prayers and in general, nuthin' but good karma coming at ya.

My son is much younger. I know I am already worried what is going to happen when he becomes a teen with x with lots of money and leading a life less than decently.

I am pulling for you and your daughter. With love and understanding, you can accomplish amazing things with her. Do not give up. Do not.

Boy, as long ago as it was (35 in June) I remember those helpless feelings as a teen.

Do whatever you can to make her realize that she doesn't have to be embarrassed to talk to you about ANYTHING.

(Not that you aren't already dear, I just know what would've been very helpful to me as a teen.)

Please keep us posted on how you're/she's doing.

Too Involved-
Yes, it was a typo. My husband (her father) and I is how it should have read. Sorry about that.

Cinderella-
That is great that the psychiatrist seems to be good. I had the worst time finding a psychiatrist in my area. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Please continue to keep us updated.

You know, when you have two children who have counselors plus counselors at the school and, now, a psychiatrist apiece, it is a really good thing if they all know each other. Oh, yeah, and I have a psychiatrist. So, even though I live in a good sized city, it's a small world in the mental health field.

Got to talk to her for just a few minutes tonight. She sounded ok. Not on medication yet but they will be putting her on something. I don't know what yet.

I took her a few things tonight - including a photo of the new dog. She hadn't seen the stuff yet but she was happy to hear that a picture of Zoe was in there for her.

I did call the youth minister at our church today. I didn't know if any of her friends would know where she was so he needed to be prepared. I'm so happy he has a master's degree in family counseling.

I keep praying it will be ok.

I am glad you were able to talk to her. I have been praying.
That is good that you were able to talk to the Youth Minister at your church. How are you feeling?

I'm okay.

I emailed my son's teachers and principal and told them what was going on. I've always been told that, if there is something major going on at home, the school wishes you would tell them because home situations often affect the child at school.

I made the 'mistake' of saying d is in a 'psychiatric' hospital. x was copied on the e-mail and blasted me royally for telling the school there was any problem. I will not be responding to him.

If he objects, in our meeting with the psychiatrist this morning, to the medication, I will gently and respectfully execute a power play - something like this; "I know you object to medication. I also know I am required by our decree only to keep you informed on major decsions concerning the children yet I have done my best to make you a partner in decisions. This time, I am going to make a decision that goes against your wishes and I will decide to follow the doctor's advice. I know a pill will not fix the situation but, if it will help Gillian cope while she works through the issues, then I think the benefit is worth it. Besides, if the medication is helpful to you or to me, why should she be denied the help?"

I never again want to be in a relationship with a man with so many issues.

Your ex would've done a better job informing the school? Not likely. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Sounds like you have a good plan for your meeting. I'm sorry your ex makes an already stressfull situation even more stressfull. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
It will be very good to see her. I hope she is able to come home soon! I will continue to pray.

We had a rough night Wednesday night with our daughter. It worked out okay, but it was kinda scarry at the time. We had to take her to the Crisis Center ('cause I didn't know how to handle it) and she was able to calm down and ended up sleeping fine. She even went to school yesterday and had a good day.

{{{{ Cinderella & G }}}}
I can't imagine what you are going through, I can only add my prayers.
May God bless you and your family during this trying time.

Cinderella,

I haven't read all the responses, just wanted you to know, that most 'cutting' isn't about suicide, it's about stopping the pain they feel on the inside.

And not knowing any other way to express the hurt and yet wanting someone to understand just how much they hurt inside.

And your right, it's not about you, it's about how much she hurts inside.

It is possible that her bf breaking up with her triggered her feelings of when dad moved out and not seeing him as often as she'd like.