For a while I have been walking around like a zombie. I feel like I am in that BS fog again and not into reality. Want to have a good cry, but the tears will not flow. I have built up this wall around me that I cannot even allow myself to feel. I hate this. I really, really hate this.

I get such bad anxiety at night when I am with my husband that I have to get out of the house. We had a long talk several nights ago that he was supposed to leave 4 days a week and take the kids every other Saturday night. Strange, my Mom has offered to take him in on Saturdays with the boys.
She understands our circumstance and is offering her help.

But he is being stubborn and will not leave. He doesn't see what this is doing to our family and living under that same roof is not working. I need the time to feel and he will not give it to me. I am so sick of him being so selfish. I believe he never really thinks of others and how is actions affects others. He sat on his butt for two years while I was trying desperately trying to put our marriage back together and he is still oblivious to his damage. I can only reach so far. But I quit. This man is unable to give himself emotionally. Why should I go through this?

The other night, he told me that we can just live like this. My reaction was; "Are you kidding me?" Great example for the kids. His parents are divorced and basically stayed in same house. His Dad came and went when he pleased. I cannot do that. I need to get away from him and sort out all options.

This morning the imtimadation begins when I don't do what he wants. The name calling began right away and he cannot understand why I don't want this. I mean again after spilling out my guts to him!!!!!!! I guess as usual it got no where! In one ear and out the other. And he wants to stay together for the kids??? Holy Crap!!! Advice to you all, don't stay together to keep the family together. You will be unhappy and that is the message you are giving the kids.

I cannot stand to be under the same roof as this man. I do not feel anything for him. The anxiety is so bad. I look at him and really I want to punch him. Back in November I just snapped and got in touch with my feelings. I woke up and realized what I am loosing in life! I am loosing so much opportunity of happiness. I deserve that but I have all this to deal with and I just don't know where to begin.
Second question. What the heck do I do here? Again, history on myself. I haven't worked in 8 years. Day care is expensive here. A decent one anyway. Salaries start about what daycare cost and hour. I know I can get maintenance, but husbands salary took a hit of almost 30 grand! YEP! That bad! So it is not going to amount to much. I guess what I am saying here is that I am so much afraid of failing.

Right now, I just need us to be separated so I can start to think more clearly and decided how I am going to do this. I feel like I am working against myself and I hate this!

HELP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ali~

<small>[ March 19, 2005, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: Ali88 ]</small>

Wow. I don't know how to get him to leave, short of a RO and locking him out. My situation started out similarly - ie he wanted to just stay and live in the house and be divorced. Once we decided on how we were going to spit up the assets, etc, he said he would go and fill out the paperwork. I said that I would not sign anything. I would not live in the same house as someone actively divorcing me. He started looking for apartments the next day.

(((((((((ALI88)))))))))) I'm sorry I don't have much to offer than a big cyber-hug. You, my friend are most definitely in my prayers. I sure wish I had some answers for you. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ali88}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} God bless you, my KoC friend.
SDLOM (Harold)

Ali88 - Sounds like you are having one heck of day...We all have them...Last week you were more up about your situation..

You do sound somewhat stuck..I guess your feeling what I feel alot of the time..Just tired of the situation and not happy with the only anwers that are available..

Your lifestyle must change if you file for a D..and if you don't your in a loveless M w/someone you don't respect and in your case don't feel any love for..YOu feel time and opportunity slipping by you..

I'm sorry...It's a tough place to be..I dont' have any suggestions - outside of trying to locate anyone that can help you w/daycare and maybe start working part time - tucking alittle money away..for the great escape..

Heck, I dont' have kids to hold me in this farse of a M - and yet I'm still here...

HUGS

HUGS...

Ali, do you think you could...deep breath...temporarily move in with your parents? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

That's what I did. It's not the best thing in the world, but being in the same position as you, I could never make it on my own, even with $1200/month in child support.

If you are seriously considering separarting, start looking into the financial possibilities. This will help ease anxiety by giving you some knowledge - knowledge is power, right?

-look up a CS calculator online and find out how much you'll get. Most states base it on a formula or a percentage.

-start gathering info on government aid, such as subsidized housing or at least income capped housing (which can be pretty nice), daycare programs such as Head Start or schools that may offer need-based scholarships (maybe church based?), WIC if any of your kids are under 5, free or reduced school lunch programs, etc.

There is so much out there that most people just don't know about. It sucks and it's humbling, but that's what it's there for.

You need to start thinking about how you can put yourself in a position to be able to support yourself and kids, so if that means going back to school, find a program through a community college that offers two year programs that will put you right out in the working force. There's one at the CC here that is for Occupational Therapy Assistant. Two years and you've got a decent paying job and you could always go back to get your bachelors and become a full-fledged occupational therapist. Plus, you will probably qualify for a full Pell Grant, which is about $4,000 per year. Community College costs half that and you'll get to keep the rest!

Ali, you'vr got my e-mail address, so if you want to bounce ideas around with me, you can anytime. I know how scary it is. (((ALI)))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Ali88:
<strong> What the heck do I do here? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">((((Ali)))

OK Let's prioritize:

First you get Ice Cream, all life's obstacles can be handled better with Bubble Gum Flavored Ice Cream.

OK, now relax. Your defeated before you start when you start by saying all the reason's why "you can't". That is simply keeping yourself emersed in the problem, instead seek solutions.

FHL04 has some wonderful ones, that and many of the people on these boards have been down the road you're walking now, so when they offer advise it comes with the price they paid for it.

Didn't have an appt with an atty a couple weeks ago or is that someone else I'm thinking of? What advise did you receive from the atty?

I always like to cut to the bottom line and that's he ain't leaving, so what are you going to do? You can A: live with it, B: Through legal representation have him removed (this may take a little while), C: leave. So once you figure out which direction your heading, then let's plot the course to get there. Look into the resources in your area. Take control.

Hello everyone!

Thanks for the support and input!

I am just hitting reality. A big slap in the face. Almost yelling at me saying; "WAKE UP!" OK
I'm awake, I'm awake! But I am excited to move forward. But extremely scared of failure. I have always been "sheltered" and never had to take on the responsibility of supporting myself. So the idea of having two little ones dependent on me scares me.

FHL04, Thanks for all that info. The problem is trying to find it. Thanks for the head start. I know there are grants out there for other things like housing etc. But how do you get them??? As far as living with my parents. My parents live about 2 hours away. Since older son is "special needs" it isn't recommended that he switches schools a whole lot. He has Aperger's Syndrome which is high functioning autism. So keeping him in an environment that is familiar is very crucial. Beside my parents are extremely controlling too. Hummm, a pattern there???? I would have no say as to how I raise my kids. If there was violence involved here, then I would be there faster than a snowball melting in July! But since there is none, I would prefer to stay here until I can get up on my feet.

I was at my friends house pretty much the whole day yesterday. Her other friend was there who hasn't known my friend as long as I have and because of that she didn't go the my friends wedding. Sooooooooo. She wanted to see their wedding video. My friend got married in 92 so I was 22 and my H. was 26 at the time. We were not married but I finally lost it! I looked at us with all the hope and dreams that were filling our brains. But then again, I was so oblivious to how I was being treated. I miss that person. Or am I grieving the person I wished he was?

Yes Lost, (gotta change your screen name;)) I did see an attorney last week. Basically he said that I am can get alimony for about 3-5 years and child support. And the CS continues if I do get married again. LOL on that! Is there a decent guy out there that is NOT taken??? Bubble gum ice cream? YUMMY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I loved that when I was a kid. Had to have that! I love ice cream anyway's. Give me ice cream and chocolate chip cookies and I am on my way!!! Gee's... thanks for the craving. That means 20 extra minutes on the thigh machine!

Exhaustion also scares me. I am not one to push myself when I become exhausted. I am not functionable when I am like that. As some of you know kids = exhaustion. So having a full time job with that! What remedies do you all have for that?

Ali~

Hi Ali
I have not been on the forum for a while,just busy and a little down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry to see things are still like this.I dont know what to tell you about kids and work,its really hard.What about your mom could she help out with day care??
I watch my D's kids full time and work part time,that works for me.Sure things are a little tighter than they use to be but you learn to adjust.

I will say this,take your time with your decision make sure it is what you really want.

And girl,,,,,,Ive seen your picture you will be snatched up before the door hits your hubby in the hinney <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love ya Gin! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks

Ali~