HI,
I don't know if anyone can remember my story, ,so i'll fill you'all in quickly. My WH moved out last August, lived with OW. Came back in December, I thought he was having NC with OW, but he lied about that. He has been cold, angry, and came and went as he pleased since December. I found out from going through his cell phone messages little love messages the two of them were sending back and forth. Geesh, do i feel stupid. This has caused me to go to plan B, I wrote him the letter, he left, been gone for a week. He has'nt taken his clothes or personal belongings yet, But "Big Suprise" guess where he has been staying.. This whole thing has gotten me wore out, My heart is broken again, and i am so sad. We have 3 children, ages 2,9, 12. He don't even call to see how they are doing. We have been together 17 years, married for 14. He was my best friend and everything in life, but i just can't bear the thought of the 2 of them together, its killing me. He always was a good husband and good father, WHy is he doing this to us? He never made any comment on the Plan B letter I gave him. I know he read it though. I work 6 days a week, and go to college 5 days a week, Plus i take care of everything at home and the kids, Im exausted with this whole thing. He is partying it up with OW who he thinks is so perfect. SHe is divorced with a 17 year old daughter. Does she have no guilt or concience? My question is this,
1. I am going to file for divorce next week, he seems to have no intention of working things out, and i have to save myself somewhere along the line. Has anyone filed for divorce after Plan B letter sent.?
2. Does anyone know of any legal aid in WV , I have no money at all?
3. Do you think i am going about this wrong. He is so "in love" with OW it makes me sick to my stomach.
4. SHould i beg him to move back in, i know the answer i just need someone to back me up and help me be strong about this decision.

Hi WVgirl!

I don't know why he is doing this other than the fact that when they are in these relationships, they just can't seem to separate themselves.

That's how it was in my case anyway.
Even though they have basically been good family people, they can't stop their actions.

I also am from WV, but I'm sorry to say that I do not know anything about aid.

If you seek legal counsel, they may be able to advise you on that.

It sounds like your spread pretty thin with working and going to school.
You deserve a lot of credit.

Good luck to you!
Karona

thanks for your support, Its something i don't have much of here.

Hi wvgirl,

I am really sorry about what your going through <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . I'm not really familiar with your situation, however, you did say that you are quite busy with work, school, kids, etc. You also said your husband got involved with a woman who has a 17 year old. Do you think maybe he's felt neglected and that this woman is filling some of his EN's?

Just a thought.

MOST ARE LIKE KIDS THEMSELVES......PROBABLY WANT MORE ATTENTION..........AND DONT WANT TO HELP YOU WITH ALL YOU ARE DEALING WITH......KIDS, SCHOOL, WORK........IF U LOVE HIM AND I KNOW U DO......PUT THE BALL IN HIS COURT...BE FIRM.....HE WANTS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO......IF HE DOESNT RESPOND....LEAVE IT ALONE, IF HE COMES AROUND GOOD....IF U REALLY WANT OUT, PROCEED WITH DIVORCE......BE SURE WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW MUCH U CAN TAKE......I HATE TO SEE ANYBODY BREAK UP.......I THINK I MAY BE HEADED YOUR WAY.........

I know the pain you are feeling, you gave so much of your life for 17 years, I too was married for 17 years and 8 kids later, we have reconciled twice but now for good, he is back in Virginia with his parent's again. We have been together since we were kids, he was my best friend. His OW was the Vodka bottle and then the mental abuse began, I can't say that I was perfect in the marriage I sure had my faults but at least I can say when it was done and over with I was able to say to the question. "Why did he not love me enough to ___________." My reply to that is "Why didn't I love myself enough to not be treated like that". Until I realized that I would just let him continue to hurt me because he was all I knew and I still struggle today has been one of those days but you have to do what's best for you. No it's not fair and it hurts really bad a pain that is unimaginable. BIG HUG and the encouragement you need to do what you know is best for you. A good suggestion is to watch the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun".

You can make it you are a strong woman look at all you are doing.......hang in there we are all here for you.

leftwith8kids

Thanks for your support guys. I guess my WH needs a major wake-up call, I've always done what he asked for 17 years, never stood on my own 2 feet. MY own fault, I guess growing up with 3 step-fathers, i would have done anything to avoid divorce , but knowing my husband the way i do, i don't think that he thinks i am very serious about starting my life over without him. I can't take the constant emotional rollar-coaster. All he has done is blame every single thing that has happened on "ME" not once has he took responsiblity for anything he has done , he feels justified with his affair. All his friends are disgusted by how he is acting. This OW is not a reputable person. SHe was fired at her last job for sleeping with an inmate, she has broken up several marriages already, her track record is dumping the guy after they get divorced. I have always been a good faithful wife, i believe in god and have always supported him. All of our trouble started over no money. He is self employeed, and his business is failing, really failing now because he just gave up on everything. I used to try to hide the A from everyone, i was so ashamed and embarrassed of it. BUt i just tell everyone who asks now, BOy did that make WH mad... Oh well. I guess he just dos'nt love me anymore. Its hard to give up on your best friend of 17 years, I was only 14 when we got together, He's all i've ever known. Sorry for venting.... but thanks for listening...

WVgirl~~~

I can't imagine that you have too much extra time, but, if you could find the time, I would like to suggest that you also try counseling.

It's very helpful, at least it was to me.

I know how painful this is for you, and I wish you only the best.

Maybe there is still a chance he can turn himself around.

K

wvgirl,

I'm also from WV. Seperated from my husband 2 months and counting. I kicked him out because of the constant verbal abuse. We have been together for 9 1/2 years, will have been married 8 in August of this year. I have been the one working and trying to support my kids, his kids and our child. 10 all together and now have 6 grandchildren. He constantly accused me of sleeping around, called me horrible names you just don't call your wife, if you love her. Made me get rid of all my school year books, tore family pages out of my bible, tore my ex-husband's head off of pictures that I had with my kids in them. He totally destroyed a picture that was taken at my Grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary by tearing my ex's head off and in the process, tore my son's. I don't know why he felt so insecure. I never did anything for him to feel this way. I worked, came home, worked in the house but I always had to sit right there with him in the evening. He hated it if I had to do major cleaning. It took time away from him. He didn't like it if I was at the store longer than I should have been. 5 minutes longer and he would call the cell phone and ask who I was with. I couldn't talk to my friends on the phone, because that took time away from him. I couldn't go to my parents house because it took time away from him. I could go, I just couldn't stay too long. Holiday's were so miserable. We had to drive separate vehicles just so that I could stay longer, but not too much longer.

He has been living in a motel room that a friend of ours paid for giving him one month stay. His time is up tomorrow and he is telling every one that he is going to have to sleep in his truck. He even told our son (8) this. He has brothers and sisters that live here and he won't ask them if he can stay there because he doesn't want to be a bum. I told him he just wants to come home and be a bum. He isn't working and is trying his best to make me feel extremely guilty. It's working. I cried all day yesterday because I feel so sorry for him. I can't take him back because I just don't want to go through this anymore. The sad thing is that I still love him, don't know why. It's so hard to let go. I'm 43 and I just can't take the stress he has put on me all these years.

About a lawyer, I am doing it myself. In Jackson County it's 135.00 to file. YOu have to take a parenting class too. I called a lawyer and she wanted 2500 to do the divorce. Isn't a bad price after seeing what everyone on this site is paying, but I still can't afford that much.

You can do this. I know it's tough, I'm in the same boat. I have many friends and family, some of which are his family, that are standing with me and supporting me. I have lots of prayers going up daily and I sure do appreciate them. Stay strong, stand your ground and DONT let him get to you and make you feel guilty. That is his nature, manipulative and controlling. You can stand on your own two feet and will do just fine. I'm here for ya!