Today is just starting for me and I am wondering how in the world can our family make it when my H had an affair and fathered another child? I am thinking there is no way. I am not feeling so optimistic. I would like it if I could have some more words of advice and support. I have lost it and don't know what to do. I really don't want to go on any type of medication to work through this problem, I think that I should be strong enough to handle it on my own. Please I need so encouraging words and ideas.<P>Fedupinfl<BR>aka<BR>Stefanie

Prayers and family helped me through. And this place. I would come here, read posts, reply, post my own thread, generally just 'talk' to people. That in itself helped me greatly. Sometimes i didn't need advice, I just needed to know that someone was listening. We hear you fedupinfl. We'll pray for you. And if you haven't done so yourself then now ould be a good time.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Stefanie, I've been where you are and continue to visit there more than I want to. I had a couple of really bad months in March/April...that would have been about 6-7 months past D-Day. All I can tell you is that I made it through those very depressing days when I wondered what in the heck I was doing, wondered why I was still in my marriage, etc....and I'm having better days now. I still have those thoughts, but they are not as powerful or consuming. I didn't want to take anti-depressants either, although I really thought seriously about it during this time. I was told that they might help me cope for the short term - but they aren't going to take the problems away! I started weekly counseling on my own and I'm still continuing. The counseling helped me tremendously - I put some focus on myself and started to understand where all those yucky feelings were coming from. <P>Hang in there if you can. I know it's not easy. It's much better if your H is supportive, understanding and trying to do whatever he can to help you. Every situation is different and only you know how much you can handle. I keep telling myself that time will tell me if we are going to make it or not. We still have the birth of the OC in July to get through <P>I find hope in reading the posts of those that have made it through this and come out better. Keep posting and reading! <P>

Stefani,<BR>Hang in there. It is normal to have doubts from time to time. I still do, even after being in recovery for 17 months. But they are less frequent and not as intense as time goes by. Your marriage and family can survive and even thrive after this horrific experience. Look at it as an opportunity for you and your H to grow together. I have made it this far with the help of counseling and a couple of good friends. I never took any medications. Please take care of yourself and know that we are here to support you.<P>Audrey

Thank you all for all of your words of inspiration. I will try and hang in there and pray that things will turn out for the best. I am sitting here w/ tears in my eyes because this is the worst thing that has happened to me next to my father passing away 29 yrs ago. I will continue to be strong for me and my children and yes for my H too. Thank You. I am waiting for the day for me to be able to help someone like you all have helped in this short amount of time. <P>Thanks,<P>Stefanie

One thought, Stef,<P>In one of the affair recovery books I have the author tells the hurt spouse that they are the SANE one right now in the relationship! That was really validating to me. No matter how crazy the discovery makes you feel (and it does!!), you are actually healthier than the parties who were cheating.<P>You are the "weather vane" in your family and they will take your cues as to how to handle this. <P>I know you're strong; you made it this far. Hang in there. The only thing constant is change <BR>

Jenny, As weird as that sounds, it sounds pretty accurate. My H responds to the way I am acting. Also, I am glad to here that I am the sane one, because I was starting to think that I was losing my mind. What is the name of the book? I would like to purchase it. Have you read After the Affair? I hear that is good too.<P>God Bless!<P>Stefanie

steph,<BR>After the Affair by Janis Abrams Spring and the Frank Pitt book that gets mentioned on these Boards alot...(Sex, Lies or something? I can't remember it...isn't that great?! That means I'm making progress ) That's the 2 books I actually have, and yes, After the Affair is GREAT! That and the Harley principals, Harley's emotional needs and lovebusters questionairres, and counseling are what got us through this is a healthy way.<P>Good luck and keep posting!

<BR>Jenny,<P>Its not Sex, Lies, and Videotape (that's a movie!) <P>Frank Pittman, <I>Private Lies</I> is the title you're after. Its very pro-marriage, although his term "completely accidental infidelity" made my skin crawl.<P>Bystander