I can't quite seem to get past the trust issues. Every time he leaves the house (other than work) i count the minutes until he comes home. i think why is it taking so long to get milk or whatever he is doing. it drives me nuts. i'm trying so hard to trust him when he says he will never do this again. i know it takes time, but i've been down the time road before. he has done this twice before. <BR>the first time was with the same person as this time (one time quickie) the next i was away for work for 2 mths and he dated the OW for a month until she got pregnant. (she got an abortion) then he moved to be with me and i found out about the affairs. anyway fast forward to now.<BR>i thought he had changed and it hurts so much to know he lied to me. i have the hardest time believeing it is for real this time. we got no help with the other affairs, so he kind of felt like he got away with it. now he knows he hasn't gotten away with anything. we are getting help.<BR>i feel like on the surface things are great but in me i am keeping my emotional distance just so i can stay safe. i don't know how to let him back in the way he has been in the past. he has always been the one person i can really be myself with and now i don't feel that way.<BR>i just wish i could read his mind to know what changes he is really making. he has a hard time with honesty, not lying just forgetting all the details of stuff. it drives me crazy...<P>

I know exactly how you feel. We discussed this just last night. How do we give them our hearts again when they haven't taken care of them in the past? I fear letting down my guard because he just might hurt me again. The only thing we can do is put our trust and faith in the Lord and give time and patience to ourselves and to them. We have to give them the chance to prove themselves. The chance so that they can earn our trust and our hearts. It is going to take a great deal of work on your part and much more work on his part. If he is willing to do the work, you will know because you will see the changes. Give it time and ask the Lord for patience. Take care

Dear 1fool:<BR>I understand that it is very hard to trust him again, but if he is trying to, you have to let him try to prove to you that he is being HONEST with you. It has been three and half years for me and I still sometimes doubt. He tries to tell me where he is at all times and he told me if I needed to call because I was worried or something to do so and that is what we do. That seemed to help. I also got to a point that if I really doubted Iwould drive wherever he said he was and he was there...so that also made me feel better. Maybe you should let your H know that you need to know where he is and that he needs tounderstand that if you are a little bit insecure that is okay.<p>[This message has been edited by Fambis (edited July 10, 2000).]

One of my biggest conflicts of this is if I did not so blindly trust him, this would never have happened. "What ifs?" plague me constantly regarding moments I never even thought to doubt deviations from the norm. I either came up with answers on my own, or if I bothered to ask, accepted his response without question. If I had played the suspicious haus frau as I now find that MANY wives do, this would never have happened, and I would not be suffering now. I never wanted to be the type of wife I am now, looking over my shoulder, and not believing anything, but these unfortunate circumstances have change my very nature. It's probably like that with all of us. <P>The trust will be restored to some extent if your H keeps his life an open book, but I don't think any of us will be able to trust blindly again. Trust him with one eye open, 1fool. <P>As far as your H forgetting details, men tend not to remember all of the details of stuff anyway. It's a running joke that women remember the anniversary of the first night alone and the total and exact circumstances surrounding it. Men just remember they got some. I know his omission bothers you, because my H's bother me, but look at the big picture. They had babies by other women. Does it really matter if he was with the whore 10 times instead of 5, what they ate, what they wore, etc? I learned too many details for my own good, and added more hurts to my arsenal of pain, needlessly. In asking him to hurt you more with details, and his desire to conceal them as to not cause you further pain, you are making him lie, in a sense. At this point, some things are better left unsaid. I know, it drives me crazy too...