<BR>Its been a couple of days since I posted last. It has been a rough couple of days...I dont understand this man!!! We were talking last week about possible reconciliation, I love you, you love me...yada yada yada...Now, he's being cold and withdrawn. I just cant take this rollercoaster. If its not enough that he has to keep hurting me over and over again, now its my children. Last week, even when we were talking of reconciliation, he came to visit my children on Wednesday, he brought the OW, her baby and her 5 year old..as if it wasnt bad enough bringing her to the town where I live, he took her to meet our friends, and to our favorite restaurant. That hurt, but I still remained cordial and kept on coarse...I offered to bring our children to visit him in the city where he lives which is 40 min away...we agreed that I would do that on Friday..I drove all the way down there..and he didnt show..no call, no show. That broke my childrens'hearts...They cried the entire way home..When I went to go put my son (age 3) in bed, he said "my daddy doesnt love me"..then I have to be the comforting parent and say "daddy loves you very much...he and mommy just cant live together anymore, it has nothing to do with you..." then my son says "why doesnt he want me?" I then told him, "he does, he loves you, he just wont be living with you" how can I keep up this charade, if i dont believe it myself..My H doesnt love anyone but himself. My daughter (age 6) thinks she has been replaced by the OW middle child (age 5)...It rediculous...and if all of that wasnt bad enough, I called him to tell him about what they are saying and that he needs to come spend some time with them...He promised he would, and yet again, no call, no show. Wait....there's more...my son finally decided to go "potty" all by himself..I was excited and I thought his father would be too...I set the alarm to get up at 4 am to call him at work because I knew that would be the only time I could get him without having to talk to the OW...I told him about our son's accomplishment, his reaction.."yeah, so?" What kind of response is that from a father? He used to be such a good person, H & father..this woman has turned him into a monster who doesnt care about anything or anyone but what is happening to him at the present moment in time. He only wants to see these children when it's convient for him, not when they need him. I'm sick of it..I am sorry he is their father. I am sorry I had such poor judgement. I dont know what to do or where to turn to get this man to see what he is doing to our children. He only sees the good..they see him so infrequently, that when they do see him, they are perfect angels, because they dont want to disappoint him...His mother has told him how bad they are hurting, his sisters (3) have told him, I have told him, but he only wants to believe what he sees...I keep praying every day that he will see this woman for the destructive force in his life that she is..God is testing my faith..I know it's only been 6 weeks, but how long does it take for this woman to show her true colors and show what she really is? My daughter says when they are together they do nothing but fight...Im so sorry, he deserves everything he gets..They deserve each other..if she wants a man who will leave his wife of 7 years and 2 small children for her, she is nothing, and he will do the same to her and their baby. How long must I wait for this to happen? for him to get out of this fog that he is in and realize the damage he has done to so many lives? I had done so well, I tried not to get angry, but the anger stage is here...and I am furious..not just mad..furious. I cannot fathom this man not wanting to be with his children every minute of the day...a phone call at night to say good night...Why cant he do this? Do my children remind him too much of what he has lost? How bad he messed up? When will this rollercoaster ride end? Im up, Im down, I love him, I hate him...Please help...None of this makes any sense.<BR>aloneandsad

Dear Alone:<P>Continue to be cordial. In fact, apply the principles of Plan A for a while. Since he and the OW are fighting constantly (that is EXCELLENT) he will soon see what a pig she is. You stay sweet and make him reconsider what he is doing. Then when he is on the fence, apply Plan B and do not communicate with him so he sees what he is missing.<P>You don't want your kids to witness their fighting and you shouldn't allow your kids to be with their Dad if he is with the OW anyway because it is too confusing and sad for the kids. If your husband wants to see them, then he should see them at your MIL's house or some neutral territory WITHOUT the OW. They should not have to be subjected to her under any circumstances since she is just a flash in the pan.<P>This is simply, my humble opinion. Please read everything on this site from Dr. Harley and stick to it for results.<P>I understand your hurt and sadness over his seemingly lack of concern for his own children. This will pass when he comes out of the fog. This is early in the game and he is still confused and out of touch. Let him feel the full impact of the OW's venom, and meanwhile be an oasis of comfort and harmony as best you can. Bring you sadness and hurt here and vent it out, don't let him see or hear your wrath.<P>You are going through the most horrible time right now. Follow the principles to guide you through this and follow them precisely.<P>You are in my prayers.<P>Catnip =^^- <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 19, 2000).]

You are so strong, Aloneandsad! Your children are so lucky to have a mom who is able to focus attention on their needs despite all the drama. I agree with Catnip that allowing OW to LB, while you go through first Plan A then B is the best course of action at this time. How long can a man put up with a virtual stranger controlling his life? Her spell will wear off soon. Take care.<P>