About 7 wks ago my H of 2 yrs had to tell<BR>me that he had sex once with a "married<BR>woman" just 7 wks before our wedding. We had<BR>a fast courtship and I was 3+ mos pregnant<BR>when we married. I have a 5 yr old S from a <BR>previous relationship. We now have 2 babies<BR>one year apart. My youngest is 31/2 mos old.<BR>This "woman" has contacted my H 3 times wanting money before he told me. We got the<BR>info for DNA tests - I present her w/ papers<BR>and had a heated discussion. We waited to<BR>receive consent forms back - no word. I call<BR>her to find out what's going on. She said she<BR>mailed them - but she ended the conversation<BR>saying to "forget I said anything, it's not<BR>worth it". This is after my entire world has<BR>crashed around me. My H is deeply remorsful<BR>but I am still unravling at a fast rate. <BR>I dont know where to turn, how to forgive, <BR>and how to move on, be a whole mother to my<BR>children. I've been reading your posts for<BR>a few wks and have been helped knowing I'm not alone. This is a nightmare. I can't stop thinking about it, what it means to my precious family.<P><p>[This message has been edited by fluke (edited August 14, 2000).]

Fluke,<BR> I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. It reminds me of myself some time ago when I began to suspect that my H was cheating. He kept denying, when I knew it was true. I was angry, and we seperated. Now we have been apart over a year, and have decided to work things out, but it took me a while before I could think that far in the future. I am lucky to have a lot of understanding friends at work, who helped me some of the way back, but then Happygirl found me on another board, and brought me here. I call her my favorite angel because this place has helped my H and I more than anything else could have. You will find a lot of helpful people here, come here anytime you need to vent, or just to have someone to talk to. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us in this "sad" club, and we all know what you are going through. Let us help you when you need it. That's what we are here for.

fluke,<P>hi, sorry you have to be here in our "club" but glad you found it. it has helped me so much, just knowing i am not the only one out there, and having a place to vent and come for advice and support. i think this woman is probably not so sure who the father is if she is trying to back out. probably didn't count on him wanting a paternity test. but that doesn't help with all the feelings i am sure you are feeling. are you and your husband decided on working it out? if so, try reading around the marriage builders site. lots of good info on marriage in general, not just situations like this. and i am sure soon others will pop in with some good advice.<P>right now, you need to focus on you, because if you aren't doing good, it is harder to be mommy, wife and all the other stuff us women are called to be. have you gone to counseling, have any friends you can talk to? can you get away? even for just the day, and have some time to yourself to reflect?<P>well, hope we can help you here. take care of you, and then you can take care of your family too. and read around the site.<P>happy_girl<P>(thanks ktgirl for your kindness my friend)

Anytime Happygirl,<BR> You are a wonderful person and I think everyone should know that!!!! (Even though I am sure they already do!)

Fluke,<P>I am so sorry for what you are going through. That OW sounds evil. I mean she waits 2 years and then demands money? Then after your heart is torn she says it's not worth it? It makes you wonder if she knows who the father is.

Thank you for replying. My H and I are committed to working it out. He is very<BR>supportive. I have a best friend I can talk<BR>to but this is such an uncomfortable subject<BR>she doesn't know what to say. Let me clear up my situation - The OW kept stopping by my H business (self-employed) in the weeks before we were married. He said she basically was telling him she was available, <BR>but he would tell her to take off. Until that unfortunate day when she came one more time and they ended up ... He said he was <BR>in love with me but worried about everything <BR>happening so fast for us - so I guess having<BR>sex with some pig would clear things up for him! He told her immediately that it was a <BR>mistake and too many people would get hurt, to not come back. One mo later she told him she was pregnant (that was 2 wks before our W) He didnt believe her. One yr later she came back saying it wasnt her H, my H was in<BR>complete denial, kept it from me for 2 yrs.<BR>Then in late june she came to his shop for the last time saying "I have your son, I want money". Yet they are raising him. I just want to know what the truth is-but I'm afraid to find out if it means it is his.<BR>Should we push for paternity test, are there <BR>laws re: married women having someone elses baby. I just dont know what to do. I feel like I'm losing it. She lives 5 min from our home. It makes me physically sick to think of her. My anger is getting the best of me.<BR>I know I need to forgive for my own best interest but I want so much to scream to anyone what a wh-re she is to do something like this. Not to mention my disappointment <BR>about my marriage, my H, my future.<BR>

fluke - I am sorry you are going throught this and can tell you it will get better but it takes time. That's hard when every day seems like an eternity but it is true. Push for the DNA test it really sounds like she doesn't know who the father is. That will settle it once and for all. She sounds like she has a screw loose. Even thought it doesn't feel that way to you right now you are lucky that your husband is committed to you and saving your marriage. It is great that you understand what might have lead him to doing something so stupid. You have all the right things going for you. Don't let a crazy one time thing ruin what you have! The rest is painful but nothing that you both can't get through. Be strong, get into counseling, see an attorney, get a DNA test and hug your children and husband. You will get through this.<P> Kris

Thank you all so much for your kind words.<BR>I never thought something like this would <BR>happen in my life. It seems I already had<BR>enough to figure out before this blow.<BR>My brother passed away at 29 of drug overdose. And my sister died after battling<BR>Anorexia for yrs.<BR>I finally thought there would be peace <BR>in my life. In my strongest moments I know<BR>there must be purpose. But I've not felt<BR>strong much lately. This will take all the<BR>joy out of my life if I'd let it. <BR>Thank you for reminding me to hug my H,<BR>I hug my kids all day! Thanks again.