This is for all the ladies whose H's have OC's. It's really dingy.<BR> Since finding out OW was pregnant, I have been steadily picking up weight. I now look like I'm about 5 months along myself, and have had several people ask if I am expecting. I am not eating more, I am not moving less, I am just as active as I have ever been. I don't eat a lot of sweets. Has this happened to anyone else? I've gone from size 8 jeans to 14's. Is this some kind of psychosomatic reaction to the stress, or what? I think I'm losing my mind, and my figure is paying for it. I know this is silly. Please forgive me, but I just have to know if anyone else experienced something weird like this. I hate being the lone oddball.

I think anytime there is a trauma at this level most people go one way or the other. Alot of people lose weight because they can't eat because they are stressed. Some eat more, some don't. My weight has gone back and forth since this has happened, I lost in the beginning, didn't have much of an appetite. Then I gained back what I lost, now I am trying to keep in check. Who knows what the body does when it is at maximum stress level. But I know that this problem is at the same level as an illness or a death in the family. I know where you are coming from.<P>babstr.

Babstr,<BR> Thank God for your answer. I started losing when I suspected the affair, and dropped it so quickly, people thought I had cancer or something. Now I am going the other way, and I don't know why. H says I look fine, no matter how much I way, he even likes it better that I have gained a little back, but I just feel so wacky here. I am also tired of people asking if I am pregnant. I feel like saying "No but I know someone who is." I think maybe I'll start cutting down on what I do eat, and then cut out sodas maybe. Slimfast, here I come!!!!

ktgirl:<P>Almost all of us drop an amazing amount of weight upon discovery because we are dealing with the most unpleasant life altering situation any of us can imagine. I've gained back 10 of the 30 I lost now that my life has somewhat stabilized. the ten I gained is from eating for comfort...bad, bad, bad idea. It hasn't given me anything but momentary comfort and I find I feel like a big bloated buffalo. I am glad I've been able to keep the twenty off but I wish I never would have gained back the ten. Truth be told, I could stand to loose another 20.<P>I drove husband to work today and as we drove by a lake, there were two blond pony-tailed runners in their little sport's bras bouncing along the shore. I watched him turn his head to look at them out of the corner of my eye and felt that old familiar squeeze in my heart. I know I will never look like they do and it really bothers me now, where it never did before. <BR>I'm built like those voluptuous women that were so popular in the 1890's...I was born in the wrong century.<P>The weight vascillation is a normal thing...in the beginning, we can't eat because food makes us sick to our stomachs, then after the initial shock wears off, we may want to 'indulge' ourselves to comfort ourselves or because we feel we deserve a treat. I also heard that weight issues are about 'control' more than anything else. If your life is in chronic upheaval and rotten things keep happeneing to you and you have no way of controlling these things, food is a very personal issue; you and you alone get to decide what you put or do not put in your mouth. You at least have control over that in your life, either by indulging or denying yourself.<P>Right now I am in 'training' because I plan to be stunning when I walk into that courtroom. Meow.<P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,<BR> Wow, thanks for your answer. I think I'll go into "training" too, or else by the time we get to court, they'll need a forklift to pick me up. I thought I hadn't changed what I was doing, but to think of it, you and Babstr are very right in the things you say about the initial loss. I guess I have also been using food for comfort, even though I don't eat much, I do eat more than I did at discovery. My body has just decided to hang on to it, I guess in case I start not eating again. "Survival of the fat cells" I guess. Good luck with your training, and I am sure you will be absolutely stunning when you walk in the courtroom. You probably already are!

I am having a hard time keeping weight on, I have kind of always struggled with this. It has only been 6 weeks since D-Day and both of us drastically lost weight in the first week, now we have stabilized. I have days that are bad emotionally and either can't eat or keep it down if I do eat. You can tell my health has been affected and I fear what will happen when we find out more about the OW and what she is going to do. The expected child could very well not be my H's, not knowing is eating away at me and she has not contacted him for over five weeks now. Should we find out the worst case scenario I fear my health will plummet. I can't let this happen for my little girls' sake, they definitley need me and no one else !

well, i lost weight at first and then i went back to normal. i have gained weight, but i haven't attributed it to all the OW/OC stuff. i had the norplant in, and put on 5lbs for each of the 3 years i was on it. yick. so now i have to lose that because i feel yucky. i don't know if it is all because of this, but i guess it could be. who knows. but i want to get in shape too. though H says he likes me the way i am. i just found a picture from 3 years ago. thin, thin, thin. but he said he likes me better now. who knows.<P>well, talk to ya'll later.<P>get in shape catnip! MEOW!! hiss hiss

Hi KTGIRL,<BR>I weighted a whopping 251before D-day. I always knew that I needed to lose weight before I found things out.<BR>I tribute my weight lose (I a now at 200, which I did lose more)to the situation about the A itself. I can deal with the OC more so then I can deal with the A itself.<P>When I stop eating, I begin to drink more water and walking. Walking helped and is helping put me in touch with who I am and what GOD wants me to do as far as my marriage is concern.<BR>From walking I relize that the A was not my fault and I was in charge of my life. I could stay and work things out (which I am doing) or I could close the door and not look back. My H is a good man, father and provider, his only problem was the A. The weight loss helped me to have more confidence in myself as a WOMAN, eventhough I see myself as big, beautiful and neat in appearance; not slack in appearance. I realy lose the weight for me and I can now do things I easily got tired doing when I was larger.<BR>Believe in yourself, nomatter how big or small.<BR>ITS

Yall, I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one going through this. I mean I'm not losing or gaining weight, but that I'm not alone in dealing with someone else having our husband's child.<P>This is so sickening to me, but I'm not going to court or anything. My husband's really trying to deal with this. This has hurt him even more because he has to deal with a child that makes him feel ashamed every second of the day.<BR>Do you all ever question if the baby's his? They say it's best to find out first.<P>------------------<BR>We have to be more than conquerors!

I can only speak for myself. I won't know for quite some time if the child is my H's, it won't be born until November. Then there's the DNA testing. I have my doubts, but I won't sweep this under the carpet and refuse to deal with it until I have DNA proof, and then start worrying. I am trying to confront all my feelings about the situation now, and accept, so that if it should turn out to be H's, I'll be prepared for it in advance. There is no way I can convince myself now not to think about it. I have tried. I love my husband, and he made a mistake, he did have an affair. He may have a child as a result of it. Only time will tell if it is his. I don't want to live in denial, and then be hit with a ton of bricks. I want to settle this all in my mind on the chance that there may be interaction with the child. Children are very sensitive, and can pick up on things like that. I don't want to have to isolate myself from the probable only bio-child H will ever have. I can't have children anymore due to a surgery earlier this year. At this point, H does not want any contact with the child, even if he is the father. I just want to be prepared should he change his mind. It's not right to punish an innocent child because of the sins of the father. I will admit my point of view is not an easy thing to deal with, I still have problems with the path I have chosen. It is my love for my husband that helps me through this. I am going to be supportive to him in any way I can. Sorry to hear that you have to deal with what we all do, but this is a good place to do it, with lots of good people to help you along the way.

Carriemom,<BR> I am so sad to hear about your problems. This is a common thing, the wieght loss. Unfortunately I am on the other end now. I found that I also couldn't eat and keep things down, but for the most part, was so depressed I just didn't feel like eating. It does pass. Just hang in there, time will make things better for you, it is always the hardest in the beginning, but will ease with time. I am sorry I didn't answer you yesterday, but I was in and out a lot yesterday, and had a lot going on. Just don't give up. This is all stress related, and the further away you move from the start, the less stress you will feel, especially if you and H can discuss things, and share needs and feelings. That is what has helped me the most, next to being here and having all the support of the people who are here in the same situation.

Happygirl,<BR> Nice to hear from you again. I am just going to be real careful for now. I realized that I had not been eating in the beginning, and now I have gained my appetite back. Need to be more active, and cut out so much soda, my downfall. I know H doesn't feel that I need to change, he likes me with a little meat on my bones, but amazingly, he has also lost weight through this, and is still trimming up. I just don't want to be this "little pudge" running around with a "buff" man. Plus I have lower back problems, and the higher my weight goes, the more that bothers me. I just need to find a happy medium I guess. I , like Catnip, want to be stunning, when we have to face the OW in court. No better time to start than now I guess!

ITS,<BR> I really don't think I'd be so concerned about my weight, except as I explained above, I do have lower back problems. When I am thinner, I rarely have these problems. My H has no problem with my weight, as he says my appearance is more than pleasing to him no matter what changes I make. I am happy with my image, I just have problems when people ask me about being pg, it immediately brings up thoughts of the "Mobyb***h", and that's why this all did bother me so much. PG is not a good subject around me these days. An interesting side note to this all is that my dearly beloved little sis is PG and due at practically the same time as OW. There are only two hospitals in this town. What do ya think the chances are that...? It should be fun if they do deliver together, and at the same hospital. I'd love it!!! A chance to corner the cow when she couldn't run!!!!!!

This is wild. I've only posted for the first time tonight, I mean, this morning, and it amazes me that you all have the exact feelings as I<BR>K-T We, have to wait until Dec. for DNA. H doesn't want contact with OW OC. That worries me, because H such a great Dad to our 2 sons, I'm afraid it will bother him later, if he doesn't have a part in this childs life.<P>At first I had some weight loss. I was always in the bathroom. Now I've gained and need to loose. I'm on meds that make you gain weight. <P>I've also thought about courtdates and how good I want to look. Have never met OW. She may be beautiful and skinny. Although H says she's not. Oh well, can't worry too much about that right now, with everything else going on.<P>Hope I'm not horning in, like I stated in a prior post, It helps to know I'm not the only one going through this, but I hate anyone being hurt, and wish there was something I could do to help each of you.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>J and J's Mom

hi jandj's mom, welcome. sorry you are here in this situation with us all. but glad you found us. we are a nice group. go back and read the previous posts. it will help you to get to know us all better. and please post your story so we can meet you too.<P>i know i worry that one day my H will change his mind and regret not wanting to know the OC. but right now, i can just deal with this and am glad he doesn't see her. and then i feel guilty about that. it is a no win situation lately. either way, someone is hurt.<P>take care and post your story!<P>happy_girl<P>p.s. i am starting my diet!! yuck...

Happy_Girl<P>Thanks for the welcome. <P>You wanted to hear my story. Here is most of it.<P>My H had a 7 mth affair, which started on the internet. Met on Net in Nov, got up close and personal in Feb. I found out on Mem Day 2000.<BR>It was so strange how I found out. We are being transferred to another state (H work), so we are trying to sell our house. Woman called re: house, she was from Ga. I went on and on how happy we were here, she started talking religion and I told her my husband had just been saved and baptised. I mean I just went on and on. Later, she told me she just wanted to see what kind of person I was. She had met my H on Internet. That was Fri. Mon. she called again, and told me her sister and my H who also met on net have been seeing each other. OW also lives out of our state. H travels alot on business and more recently leasure trips too. Called OW. That was really hard to do!!!!!! OW didn't know H was married, but still in my eyes not totally innocent. Next morning, as H traveled home, confronted H over phone. Even then he denied it for a short while, until I mentioned names dates and the fact she claims she is pregnant to him. I think what hurts most of all is the horrific lies H told. Denying Kids, me, just so he could have his selfish way.<BR>I know you all have felt the devastation of this. I never, ever would of thought it of him. He's a nice guy. Excellent H, Father, Provider. I still can't fathom it or understand it.<BR>He immediately told OW the truth and that He loved us and didn't want them. Now she's p-----. I guess I can understand that but our lives are just as upset. <BR>Sorry to be so longwinded, but I haven't been able to tell to many people the whole story. <BR>I'm 48, H 49, OW 40. We've been married almost 15 yrs. Second marriage for both. Our sons are ours together. Ages 12 and 14. They were devastated. <BR>Although, we never really treated H differently, sometimes I feel I made it to easy for him. The second month after D-day, this was really bothering me, I guess it was all hitting me, and I was really angry.<BR>Does any one else feel they made it to easy for H after D-day? Did anyone want H to Hurt really bad? and at the same time love him? <BR>OW due date is in Dec. H says doesn't want to start with a newborn all over again and doesn't want to do anymore damage to our relationship. I told H, he should've thought of that before,<BR>When Pastor asked if anything else needed to be told to me H said no. afterward, In one of OW E-mails she made sure I <BR>found out about a 1 nightstand in Jan. with still another. I almost left him that night. Now we're getting closer than we were before all this, if that's possible. We are having our Marriage Vows reinstated next month. <BR>It will take alot to get back the trust and forget, but we are trying.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.<BR>Thanks for listening and I hope I didn't go overboard.<P>JandJ's Mom<P><BR>

Happy_Girl<P>Thanks for the welcome. <P>You wanted to hear my story. Here is most of it.<P>My H had a 7 mth affair, which started on the internet. Met on Net in Nov, got up close and personal in Feb. I found out on Mem Day 2000.<BR>It was so strange how I found out. We are being transferred to another state (H work), so we are trying to sell our house. Woman called re: house, she was from Ga. I went on and on how happy we were here, she started talking religion and I told her my husband had just been saved and baptised. I mean I just went on and on. Later, she told me she just wanted to see what kind of person I was. She had met my H on Internet. That was Fri. Mon. she called again, and told me her sister and my H who also met on net have been seeing each other. OW also lives out of our state. H travels alot on business and more recently leasure trips too. Called OW. That was really hard to do!!!!!! OW didn't know H was married, but still in my eyes not totally innocent. Next morning, as H traveled home, confronted H over phone. Even then he denied it for a short while, until I mentioned names dates and the fact she claims she is pregnant to him. I think what hurts most of all is the horrific lies H told. Denying Kids, me, just so he could have his selfish way.<BR>I know you all have felt the devastation of this. I never, ever would of thought it of him. He's a nice guy. Excellent H, Father, Provider. I still can't fathom it or understand it.<BR>He immediately told OW the truth and that He loved us and didn't want them. Now she's p-----. I guess I can understand that but our lives are just as upset. <BR>Sorry to be so longwinded, but I haven't been able to tell to many people the whole story. <BR>I'm 48, H 49, OW 40. We've been married almost 15 yrs. Second marriage for both. Our sons are ours together. Ages 12 and 14. They were devastated. <BR>Although, we never really treated H differently, sometimes I feel I made it to easy for him. The second month after D-day, this was really bothering me, I guess it was all hitting me, and I was really angry.<BR>Does any one else feel they made it to easy for H after D-day? Did anyone want H to Hurt really bad? and at the same time love him? <BR>OW due date is in Dec. H says doesn't want to start with a newborn all over again and doesn't want to do anymore damage to our relationship. I told H, he should've thought of that before,<BR>When Pastor asked if anything else needed to be told to me H said no. afterward, In one of OW E-mails she made sure I <BR>found out about a 1 nightstand in Jan. with still another. I almost left him that night. Now we're getting closer than we were before all this, if that's possible. We are having our Marriage Vows reinstated next month. <BR>It will take alot to get back the trust and forget, but we are trying.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.<BR>Thanks for listening and I hope I didn't go overboard.<P>JandJ's Mom<P><BR>

JandJ's Mom,<BR> Welcome to the boards. As happy_girl said, this is a good place to be, where you will see your own feelings in a lot of the other posts in here. I have been helped a lot and supported, since happy_girl brought me here. Again, welcome, and a big hug to you as you join us all in playing the "waiting game."<P> Happy_girl,<BR> I know about diets, I agree "Yuck", I am so sick of drinking water. I haven't peed this much since I was pregnant!<BR>

Looks like I owe everyone an apology. The last post I sent was sent twice. I don't know what happened. Sorry I wasted space. Hope everyone is hanging in there. I think and pray for you often.<P>Hugs<BR>JandJ's Mom <BR>

Thanks "Mom",<BR> We need all the prayers we can get, and there is no such thing as a waste of space here. Accidents happen. LOL