Hello everyone! Sometime I post, other times I lurk. But now I have somewhat of a problem. D-day was 12/99--received CS papers in mail concerning OC. OC is 1 1/2 old. H said A had been over. He had been giving $200 a month to OW for OC and OW had been letting H see and spend time with OC. When I found out, OW stop letting H see OC and OW and family would not tell H how OC is doing. H stopped sending money, but started back, hoping that OW would let him see OC, which I have not problem with. Now I found two letters that OW gave to H by way of her cousin (I LB by looking though H things--which I knew was wrong).<BR>I have tried to be upfront with H, telling him that he can talk to me about OC, because I know that he bonded with OC before I found out and I don't want to take that away from him. (We have two girls, OW had a boy.) OW said that she did not have CS paper served to H, that the state did because OC was on state aid. H went for DNA test, but OW never took OC to have the test done. The state has since dropped the case--so we do not have to give anything.<BR>The last two times monies was sent, H did not tell me he sent monies and I told him that that was wrong on his part, because I thought we were going to be open about the support, etc.. Am I wrong for wanting to be a part of the decision making concerning this OC and what we do for him. H has said that the monies he gives OC does not take awa from our monies, but it does expecally when I have to give H funds for gas. Help!! Am I over reacting or what? ITS

Absolutely Not! You are in no way overreacting. My H pulled that crap on me and I will not stand for it anymore. Anything that takes away from you and your family (and id say 200$ is included in that category) is your business and you should have a say in it. I think your H should be eternally grateful that #1 you forgave him and #2 you are willing to let him have a relationship with his child.<BR>He should have no secrets from you, especially ones that involve ow and oc.<BR>To sum it up the answer is "NO" you are not overreating. Take back your power honey.<BR>Good Luck and God Bless...<P>We are Wives...Hear us RoaR!!!!!

In the South,<BR>I do not think you are over reacting at all. Totally openess means trust and honesty. Two important things that were lost because of his A. He has to understand that by making you part of all decisions concerning OC helps you in trusting him again. Don't feel that you are over reacting because if he doesn't let you in on things concerning the OC it will lead to secrecy and possible dishonesty. Let him know how you feel. God bless.

No, you are not. But my biggest concern and red flag is that fact that the OW never took the OC for the test. If she isn't doing that, doesn't that make you wonder if this child is even your h's? Have you discussed that. Is he going to support this child on the chance that it is not his son? I would insist for your own sanity that approach the DNA test. Why wouldn't she give a DNA cotton swab if the child is his? The only reason I can think, is that the child isn't his. What is his opinion on that? You are well within in your bounds to insist on honesty and being included in all the decisions. <P>babstr.

Ditto! Not overreacting!<BR>Dr. H's Policy of Joint Agreement, Policy of Honesty!! <BR>Ditto the DNA!<P>Good luck! Your H should count his lucky stars!!

NO! You're NOT over reacting!! You have every right to feel the way you do! Your husband is lucky that you're willing to let him continue to have a relationship with OC...I couldn't do it. Ditto about the DNA stuff...I hear bells ringing...red flags waving...look into it.<P>

Thanks to everyone that answer my post. I feel the same way that everyone does.<BR>Babstr, Jenny & Confort41, I have talked to him in great detail concerning the need to get the DNA test done. He has not talked to the OW concerning this, because she won't talk to him and she will not let the OC go with him to the park, etc. I think she fears that I will be there, which I will. <BR>The more I talked to H, the more I sense that when he slept with OW---he got to spend time with OC and now that that is not happening, nothing she could hold over his head, she is scared--GOODY FOR HER. <BR>My H is currently have health problems, high blood pressure 169/100 and now has a sleeping disorder that could cause him to smother himself in his sleep. He is on my insurance (HMO Blue)which takes care of most of drs bill. So I feel that H knows he has a good thing with me and we will get though it, for better or for worst. But long story short, he wants the test done if just for peace of mind. Because I told him that why deprive the OC (if he is not the father) and someone else out of not knowing his real father and ditto. <BR>Thanks, I feel better, much better.<BR>ITS

ITS,<BR> I agree with everyone, you are not wrong with wanting to be involved with what is going on with the OC. Your H's first priority should be you and his family from your marriage, not OC, whether boy or not. <BR> I also think that if OW won't bring the baby in for DNA, something is not right there, and if you two are making financial contributions without positive proof, well, I wouldn't do it anymore. Until she proves the child is his, he is not responsible in any way, although he is bonded with this child, he already has a committment to you and your daughters. Those are the only children he has to father. They are the only ones I would worry about, but then, that's just me.