hi all!! sorry i haven't been around much lately. been lurking, but with school starting, i have been busy getting used to the new schedule again. <P>to all the newbies!! WELCOME!! this place is the best. i come often, even when i don't have time except to read.<P>nothing new in our situation. still waiting on the courts. they have done absolutely nothing for 2 months since we filed the response... i hate this being in limbo. <P>well, i hope that you are all doing okay. i hope i can start posting here more, when i get more settled in with school and stuff. plus, work as always, is really stressful lately.<P>me and H are doing wonderful. we are happier than ever and are always getting closer. i know we will make it thru this. thanks for all the advice i have gotten over the past couple of months guys.<P>love ya all!! god bless you all and you are in my prayers as always.<P>happy_girl

happy_girl:<P>Just wanted to say hello back at ya! It's nice hearing good news. Glad you and your h are doing well and are happy!!! That's the way it should be. God Bless you both and wishes for continued peace and love in your home and lives. <P>Comfort

Hi, <P>Ver happy for you girl<P>WOuld need your prayers definitely - maybe fasting too!<P>How did you get to heal completely?<P>God Bless and LOves You <BR>weep

comfort,<P>thanks for the well wishes!! i hope the best for you too!<P>weep,<P>you all are in my prayers. i don't know if i am healed completely, but i have come to accept this situation as part of our lives now. my decision to stay with my husband and make this marriage work means accepting this and moving on. we will have no relationship with OC. he doesn't desire it and i really don't either. this will just become an 18 year debt we must pay off and that is how we must think about it.<P>i love my husband and know our marriage is on the right track. he knows he made a huge mistake and has only done everything to prove he is sorry for it and won't do it again. and i trust him and believe him. he has showed me he loves me, and he accepts the blame for all the pain he has caused. other than this, he has been a wonderful husband, and we will work together to make this marriage one that will last forever.<P>i have come to peace with our decision, and pray that god understands it too. we are only human and must make the decisions we feel best for us, and our marriage.<P>i am sure that once we go to court and have to do all the child support stuff, i will get down again. it will just be another struggle i will have to get through. right now, we are just waiting. the state is slow i guess. they have not yet ordered the DNA test in response to our response. the OW has not tried to contact my H again. she apparently told him that despite all this, she still loves him, oh sob sob. he found that funny.<BR>i guess i should be happy because in the end, i won. she may have our money, but i have the happy marriage and wonderful husband that she wanted. and i will have the children he will love and desire. but i still don't feel sorry for her. just for the OC.<P>well, this has been long. hope it answered your question. i am basically healed, but am sure the wounds will be opened up as soon as we are called to court. and all those little things like positive DNA test, etc will just be salt in them. but i know this, and go into it willingly. my choice to stay with my husband, so i know what i am up against. and i know i can come here when i need a shoulder to cry on and a place to vent.<P>hugs to all!!<P>happy_girl

Hi Happy, <P>Your story sounds almost like mine. My h moved out, had an affair, filed for divorce and got the OW pregnant. We got back together after two months of him leaving, and the divorce was stopped. I knew everything about the affair and the baby on the way. I forgave him and told him I will love the baby as I love our own. <P>After a month of being home and the OW constantly calling, my h moved out a week ago today. He said he needs time to figure everything out. The OW has given him the biggest guilt trip ever, 'the baby needs a daddy, you did this to me' etc. The fact of the matter is, she was with a married man, lied to him and told him she couldn't get pregnant. They worked together and I found out that, from the time she started there, she wanted my h. Well, what better way to get what she wants then get pregnant. My h was very foolish <BR>1) being with her <BR>2) believing she couldn't get pregnant.<BR>That's the oldest lie in the book. <P>I told my h I would give him the time needed to figure everything out, but if I find out they are together, even once, I file for divorce. I hate that word and never wanted a divorce from my h, but I will not allow him to ping pong back and forth. I can't handle the pain and I deserve better than that. I told him I will not call and beg him to come home either. He has to make the choice. My h and I have been together for 22 years and married for 21 years. We are the parents of five children and we have a beautiful granddaughter.<P>When my h moved back home, he promised me and our children he would never hurt us again. We are all hurting again. <P>On a positive note, my h has told me that 'we' are not over. Our marriage has a chance of working out. I believe that. He has told me he loves me and misses me. I believe that too. He still wears his ring, and I wear mine. I want nothing more than for our marriage to work out, but I will NOT share him. He has always been my best friend, love of my life, companion and soul mate. I want that man back. I don't want the marriage we had before he moved out the first time. I want the marriage we had when he moved back home. We talked all of the time, we showed love, expressed love, were loved by each other. Life was great. Then the guilt trip hit. <P>My h has told me that if OW wasn't pregnant and he saw her walking down the street, he wouldn't give her the time of day. That tells me he doesn't really love her. If he thinks it is love, then it's for all of the wrong reasons. I did tell my h that he could have either <BR>a) pure love (ME)<BR>b) controlling and demanding (OW)<BR>We'll see what he does.<P>Sorry this is long, I only wanted to connect to someone going through what I am, but with a much better ending than mine is right now. I pray mine will end as yours, with us back together. One difference though, we will have a relationship with the OC. Our children even know about the baby. <P>Congratulations on making your marriage work and God bless!<BR>Love Hurts<p>[This message has been edited by Love Hurts (edited September 23, 2000).]

Hey Happy_Girl!<BR> I'LL do the lurking around here, if ya dont mind! I read all your stuff and you really got your head together......miss ya when you aint talkin!<P> Soooooo glad things are going well for you.....<P>Lou

lovehurts,<P>how true!! love sometimes hurts. i am sorry you are in this sad situation. but you are in a good place and there are so many people here that can help you. <P>i applaud the fact that you have a relationship with the OC. it is very admirable. we don't, won't and i don't think we actually could. i don't think we would be able to go forward if he did. we don't have children yet by choice, we aren't ready to be parents. fincially we will have to support this child, but that is all we can give. <P>i hope that you and your husband can work thru your marriage. you have been married a long time, and i am sure you have had things to work thru before. maybe not this big, but that is what makes a real marriage. working thru those hard times.<P>take care and i will see you around here i am sure. good luck and god bless.<P>happy_girl<P><BR>middleman,<P>hi! thanks for the well wishes. and for thinking i have my head together. i wonder about that sometimes... lol. how are things with you and your wife? has the baby been born yet? how are you dealing with things. i hope you are doing well and know you will be a good daddy!! take care! god bless you and your family.<P>happy_girl

Hi Happy,<P>I can't imagine not being in the OC's life. Our daughter has a daughter and the father has never been in her life. Our granddaughter is a beautiful, smart, precious little girl. She will be four next month. I do know that even though her 'father' isn't in her life, she wants for nothing and receives our all of our love. <P>I totally understand people who don't want to have a relationship with the OC though. I sometimes wonder if having a relationship with the OC will hinder our marriage or not. I have to trust in God that it will not. It will mean being in contact with the OW for the next 18 years, but I know we can do it. <P>You're so right, my h and I have had many issues to work on in our marriage, but nothing ever like this!! I knew he loved me, I knew I loved him and I knew there would be nothing we couldn't work out together. What happened ... we grew apart, took our marriage for granted. Believe me when I say, I will NEVER take our marriage for granted, ever again. I want my h home with me and our children. I want to grow in our marriage. When my h came back home, we vowed to work on our marriage and build it better and stronger! I believe we were never given a fair chance to work on us with the OW calling all of the time!! I just want a chance to work on our marriage and build it stronger. <P>Take care and God bless <BR>Love Hurts

Happygirl,<BR> It's so nice to hear from you again, but then I have been mostly lurking lately also. Just have had a lot going on in my life, and been sick on top of all that. You sound much stronger than you have in a long time, and I definitely want to be like you when I grow up!!!! (If I ever grow up LOL)<BR> Love hurts,<BR> Oh my gosh, I think I just read my story all over again. When will our h's wise up and realize that they are screwing up not just their lives but ours as well when they do stupid stunts like that? I hope things work out for you. It really makes me feel bad to realize how dumb my husband was. I had always given him much more credit. My mistake. Good luck, and I hope your husband realizes he is just being manipulated by OW. The only commitment he has to honor is the one he made to you before God. Like it or not, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. And as for him doing that to her, puleeze, it takes two to tango. If she'd been more careful, she wouldn't have had that problem.

Hi Ktgirl,<P>Yes, it did take two to tango, but the OW seems to have forgotten that. I don't think she's very upset she's pregnant though. I know she wanted my H from the first time she met him. What better way than to have a baby. I just can't believe my H fell for the 'I can't get pregnant' stunt!! I know my H is smarter than that. <P>Yes, H is being manipulated by the OW!! We were doing great when he moved back home ... until her calls started!! Then the guilt flood gates came crashing down. My H knows I'll stand by him through whatever is to come. I believe his moving back out has a lot to do with not forgiving himself yet. That has to be his first step. <P>You said that you read your story all over again. I'm still new here, but if you don't mind me asking, what the ending is? Are you and H back together? Is there an OC? Are you in contact with him/her? <P>Have a great evening!<BR>LoveHurts

LoveHurts,<BR> No problem! Happy to answer your questions. Yes, there is an OC, due in November. H and I are still seperated, but working on things, and sometimes I think we just might make it. H wants no contact with OW, hate her guts, as she lied and said she couldn't get pregnant either, because she was on birth control. Even showed him a letter from her gyno that they didn't have to use condoms because she was clean of std's and on bc. I think a lot of the information at this site has helped me and my H so much. We have taken the Emotional Needs questionaire, and that helped so much. He learned things about me that he hadn't known in 8 almost 9 years together. My husband is not a dumb man, he just did a really dumb thing. I still have a lot of anger about that, but am dealing with it well. I knew something was going to happen between H and Ow, because she was so persistent. H and I were having troubles at the time, and working different shifts, which left her with a lot of time to wear him down while I was working up to 72 hours each week. H's mother warned him to stay away from her, forbid her to come to their house, as she always stalked my H, tracking him down where ever he was. I warned him, as she was our next door neighbor at the time, and I knew exactly what she was up to. H is much too naive sometimes, and doesn't really think a person is bad until it is too late and he's already been had. She is still stalking him, and mailing ultrasounds of baby, etc. We are both just trying to get through this the best that we can. If it wasn't for HappyGirl, my favorite angel, finding me and bringing me here, I don't think we'd be in as good as shape now as we are. Good luck to you, and I hope things are going well for you.

Happygirl,<BR>thank you so much for your post. what you said about you winning is just what i needed to be reminded of today. Every time i see the CS deduction on my H's pay stub i get so angry and i wonder why i stay. You are so right that it is just an 18 year debt. You really have it together right now and i thank you for taking the time to remind the rest of us that there is hope.<BR>

hi ktgirl!! glad to see ya around here again. i got tired of lurking. but sometimes, i am just to tired to type. he he. sometimes i wanna be like me when i grow up too!! i often try to think positive and just hope it will come true. it helps a lot when i am down. you are quite an angel yourself now too with your forum, that is pretty busy!! take care! talk to ya later.<P>lovehurts, it sounds like you have a big heart, which no doubt comes from all your life experiences. maybe someday after i have children of my own, and am a little older and more mature, i will see my decisions differently. but i doubt it. i have thought many hours and prayed many times about what i should do. i used to feel torn apart inside and now i don't. accepting what is and what will be has helped a lot. and realizing my responsibilities along with what my H's are have only made me more sure of our decision. <BR>coming here has helped me form many thoughts also. i used to be so alone and had no one to talk to about all this for fear of getting told what we are doing is wrong, blah blah blah, from well meaning(??) people who have no idea what it feels like to be in this situation. finding this place was a godsend. i don't know where i would be without everyone here. <P>anyways, good luck to you and your H. see ya around here.<P>happy_girl

1fool,<P>you know, i don't like that name. none of us here are fools. hope that one day you will change it and come back as someone new, with a new outlook on life!! and let us know who you used to be so we recognize you. lol.<P>anyway, glad something i said hit home. i find that happens all the time here. i have come along way since i started coming here. at least i think so!!!!! somedays i feel down and sad too. but i try to think positive. it makes me see there is light at the end of the tunnel. there is, i know it. and like someone here on this forum once said, "some day, this will all be a memory." i certainly hope so!! take care and think positive! <P>happy_girl

----------<p>[This message has been edited by happy_girl (edited September 29, 2000).]

Hi Kt,<P>Sorry it's taken me a few days to get on and respond. My son has been on the computer doing homework. <P>My h isn't a dumb man either, just did a really dumb thing. I still can't believe he believed she couldn't get pregnant!! The OW is a few months younger than our oldest daughter (20 years old). Sick, I know!! I still can't believe he fell for her. Gag... <P>Thanks for sharing your story. I hope everything works out for you and your h!! Oh, will there be any contact with the OC?<P>I pray for the 'happily ever after' ending for everyone here. I say a special prayer for those here. I don't know everyone, but God does. <P>Take care & God bless!<BR>LoveHurts