It's been seven weeks since D-day..almost to the minute. I was plugging along pretty good, until I saw that W had called OM on her cell phone. I felt like I was reliving D-day, knowing that she was still talking to him after she said she wouldn't. She had gone to the doctor that day and said that she just called him to let him know that all was O.K. I felt like I really had a handle on my situation, but like I said, I felt a big setback. How long should I expect to be an emotional basketcase? How will I know that W is really remorseful? I would like for her to want to work on our marriage, but how can she even think about me when she is still talking to OM?

Dear Floored, <P>7 weeks is not a long time at all. It has been a year and a half for me since d-day and I feel much better now. I still have my moments though, but MB has helped me tremendously and my H is very supportive about me coming here. I have told him what it means to me and he will now do whatever it takes to make me happy...even if it means he is reminded of his mistake.<P>When it really started to get better for me was when all connections had been severed between my H and OW. She doesnt have our phone #, but she has an email address (mine) and a physical address if she needs to get ahold of my H.<P>Also I think it made it easier for my H when OW was no longer calling here every other day. Every time she called we ended up fighting. Plus she was a constant reminder if his sin.<P>Maybe your wife could give OM the same methods of contact and leave it like that. If she does need to call him for some reason you should be there when she does of if that is not possible seh should tell you right away. <P>As far as what stage you were in, IMO, I would say denial...it was only 7 weeks and you were plugging along doing good? There will be many setbacks, but know that with time and most importantly God, it gets much better. I not only love my H very much, but he is my friend again. All thanks to the magnificant glory of God.<P>You are in my prayers...<P>

The Principles (honesty, protection, policy of joint agreement, et al) of Dr. Harley must be implemented at once. Save yourself by launching into Plan A and encourage her to come her to post. There are several others on board in your similar circumstance.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited October 17, 2000).]

Dear floored, <P> At seven weeks I was just emerging from the "why me, how could she do this, my life is ruined, what if she leaves, what if she doesn't leave, what am I going to do, I can't live without her, what am I going to tell our daughter, fear, panic, jealousy, anger, massive insecurity, all over a strong base of shear terror", stage. Settle in for the long haul, my friend. The hardest thing to do is give yourself and your wife time. I found that the harder I tried to make things happen, the wore they got. I finally decided that the best I could do was to show her that I loved her, and that I was the same person she married, and that I understood my part in all of this, and I would do my best to make it right. Be strong, my prayers are with you.<P>------------------<BR><P>Lynton

Floored,<P>7weeks is just beginning to get through the initial phases of the "stuff" to come. Hopefully it will be in a positive direction.<P>My H & I (especially, of course my H) still have really hard and tough days and its been only 3 months for us. He has really worked hard. At times I see that he "stuff's" what he is feeling so as not to bring "it" all up again. I tell him that bringing up my sin and the situation we have to contend with daily (baby now 17 week along in my pregnancy)is fine if that is what he needs to get through it. It ALWAYS makes us feel closer after we talk about our feelings and AGREE together on how to handle things, day by day. Catnip is right, get hold of the joint agreement policy and work it, it works. Also, the protection etc, policy is great as we are not suppose to hurt one another, no matter what. No abuse allowed. <P>I really hope that you and your W can talk about things openly and honestly, it is the only thing that saved us, I believe that.<P>Prayers are with you,<P>Positive Outlook (slothwoman)