<BR>Hello everyone!<P>Its been a while since I have posted, July in fact...a lot has happened to me since then..The background..My H had an affair with one of his subordinates at the restaurant he manages and the baby that they made together was born on the date of our separation. I have been awarded full custody of our children..a daughter-age 6 and a son-age 3. My daughter somewhat understands everything..but she is confused..my son doesnt have a clue. Anyway, why I am back in here is I received such support in the beginning, and I am still struggling to make sense of it all. I am in counseling, but that is for me and my trust issues and the only way that I can understand my H and his attitudes are through others with similar experiences. We have been separated since June 9..he moved out of my home and moved right into the OW home..they continue to this date to play house..even at the cost of him not being able to spend time with our children. In the beginning, it looked as if reconciliation was possible, he claimed he was sorry and it was all his fault..this was early July, now he is bitter and angry at me..blaming everything on me..he's nasty and very rarely comes to visit our children..It took a court order to make him come. Our children stay at his mom's during the day, everyday..he works from 4 am until 2 pm..I get off work between 5 and 6 everyday..he can come visit them every weekday if he wants,but he chooses not to..he was awarded by the court every other weekend, but he cannot have them overnight due to his living situation..in the court order, it says no overnights by anyone not related by blood or marriage..anyway..he doesnt take the time off...he works and comes to visit them after work..only about 4 hours on Saturdays and 2 hours on Sundays, for someone who claims to love his children, this makes no sense...and his anger and nastyness to me makes no sense..he does everything in his power to try and make me miserable. I dont let him know that he is getting to me...but it does. For instance...My family lives in VA, I now live in NC, in Aug he served me with a restraining order to keep me from leaving the state to go visit family..which I desperately needed their love and support..Now on Thanksgiving (it was his holiday) I had to spend the day alone because it was his holiday...and by court order this weekend happened to be his visitation weekend..however, let me digress..he gets every other weekend..but I made an exception for his birthday and we agreed to switch weekends so that he could have them on his birthday..I was trying to be nice...in the process..I ended up missing my little sisters birthday for the first time in 19 years because his birthday is nov 5, hers is nov 4...based on the new visitation schedule that we agreed on, the weekend after Thanksgiving was mine, now all of a sudden, so it suits his selfish needs, he wants to go back to the original schedule so that I cannot go home to visit family, as if it wasnt enough punishment to spend Thanksgiving without my children. Anyway, he came up with a rediculous proposal to say that if i let him take my children around the OW and her family on thanksgiving and waive that part of the court order, then he will waive his visitation for the weekend...I thought about it and said no...why should this woman who broke up my children's family be around her and her family on Thanksgiving when they cannot even be with me...NO! (court order says that she cannot be around the children unless it is supervised by the children's grandparents)...i told them no..and they both call me and cuss me out..I just dont understand why they are so nasty to me, when they have done me and my children wrong..Please help expain this to me...I am struggling to understand...<P>------------------<BR>

Hello aloneandsad,<BR>I am sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Unfortunately there is no explanation as to why your H and his OW are acting this way except to say they are A$$H^LE#!!!! <BR>Aloneandsad I say its time to put your foot down. Just like visitation can be accomodated for him it sure as hell can be accomodated for you! Demand your respect aloneandsad.<P>As far as him not seeing your children as much as he can...plain and simple...IT'S HIS LOSS! I know its painful but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about the man he is. YOU love your children. YOU realize the gift you have in them. His stupidity will come back to bite him in his [censored] mark my words!<P>I am sorry I couldn't help you but I hate to hear you sound like this. Take care of yourself, be good to yourself and please do not define your life by his stupid decisions.<P>You are in my prayers.

aloneandsad,<P>I totally agree with Leelee! If your husband and that skank he lives with choose to act like morons, then so be it! Unfortunately there's not much you can do to make your H become a better father. He'll regret it later on. It seems that when some men get old, they all of a sudden want to be a part of their children's lives more than they ever were. Maybe trying to make up for lost time. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Whatever, you must live for you and your children and move on! Keep praying for strength and guidance and come here often for any support that we may be able to give you. We all know how you feel. You're in my prayers<P>Comfort <P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...

Dear Aloneandsad,<P>I am sorry that your holiday was ruined by the ugliness you are experiencing with your H and OW. But, I am glad that you stood firm against their blackmail. The conniving witch OW has no business around your innocent children and keep it that way.<P>I am puzzled by what you said concerning the restraining order. What were the circumstances that allowed your H to get a restraining order? Did you threaten to take the children away? <P>Your H sounds very confused -- wanting to reconcile and then getting nasty -- but he may be under the influence of the OW and that is why he is swinging back and forth. But, how do you feel about the situation. Do you want to try and reconcile? Or do you just want to go forward with a divorce?<P>I am asking because it sounds to me like you need to sit down with him away from the OW/OC and your own children and have an honest conversation about what is going on and how your relationship is going to end up.<BR>Do you think that would be possible?<P>You will be in my prayers as are all of us who are suffering through these horrible issues.<P>- Heavenly

Thanks to everyone who has replied thus far..to answer your questions Heavenly..The restraining order was served because he believed, based upon what a 6 year old told him, that I was going to go home (to Va) that weekend and stay there, however, with his lack of brain power, he didnt stop to think of all of the trouble I had just been through..getting my daughter registered for school, moving, and the chunk of money involved in moving again. He only did it to be nasty...but not only was he hurting me, his lack of concideration hurt his children as well, because I had been telling them for weeks we were going to see my mother, sister and grandmother, and all of that was shot, because he didnt bother to ask me about what our daughter had said...The OW eggs him on...He is not naturally this nasty. I can almost see a glimpse of the man that I loved dearly when it's just me and him...without the OW sticking her nose into it...When we are on the phone, if she's not there, he's not nasty, but if she's there, he shows his rearend...When we do the exchanges..he can be nice...I think she is putting things in his head, making him believe that our marriage was worse than it really was..What would she know about marriage anyway? She has only destroyed them, never been in one. This is the 3rd marriage she has destroyed...About reconciliation..I think it's too far gone...I still have a small glimmer of hope, but they are talking marriage as soon as my divorce is final...a lot can happen in 7 months, so I dont know. It's in God's hands now. I keep praying that that woman's grip on him will be loosend and we can talk...but he wont hear of it. He just stands at the bottom of the staircase when he picks up the children or brings them home..I've asked him to come up and have a drink so we can talk..but it wont work...I've asked him to combine our therapy sessions with our daughter..the OW told him it wasnt a good idea..of coarse not, it doesnt suit her purposes...I just keep in mind "Let no man separate what God has joined together"...I pray and pray and pray that God's will be done and that things will work out..I know they will...I am just not sure how at this point..We tried talking back in July and came close to reconciliation, but after that, she came in the middle of it and he hasnt been close enough to me and will not come in my apartment to even have a conversation where she is not involved...About him being confused..I'm not so sure about that...I think he really believes that this is the woman for him...I dont get it...I had an arguement with her the other day and she let me know her fear of me..I think it was fear..I told her "Dont think for one hot little second that he will not do to you what he has done to me...he's got no obligation toward you, he had a legal and moral obligation to me..so what makes you think that he wont do it to you?" She then says "And what? Do you think he will come running back to you?" If she is so sure of herself as she pretends to be, then why would that even be an issue? My thoughts on reconciliation go back and forth...I am just putting my faith in God and we'll see where it goes.<BR><P>------------------<BR>

Dear aloneandsad:<P>What a mess you're in. I am so glad you've come back here for the support you need.<P>The OW is running scared or she would not be so nasty about you and manipulating your husband like a puppet on a string, demanding he not see you alone. The one thing she is afraid of the most is your husband spending any alone time with you. <P>Your husband knows what he is doing is wrong and morally reprehensible. It goes against everything decent people believe in. <BR>If he treats you with hostility and contempt, he can feign anger in an attempt to alleviate some of his guilt...just for a moment. Then with OW's influence, they can sit around and grouse what a so and so you are and build this comraderie together of them against you. <BR>The problem is, is that the problem isn't YOU, it's them, and somewhere deep inside, they know this but the only way they can look at themselves in the mirror is by transferring blame onto you.<P>So, aloneandsad, let them live in their delusions, knowing that the OW can only get delusions of self worth by 'conquering' married men to buck up her sagging ego. She knows she isn't worthy of anyone decent. She is evil. Your husband is misguided and stupid. All WS are stupid under the dominance of the OP.<P>Some of the things you can do to change things is sue the OW for Personal Injury since Alienation of Affection laws are off the books in most states. The OW's actions have certainly injured you personally and are causing you and your children great angst and devastation. <P>Next time spouse shows up and is waiting at the bottom of the stairs for the kids, greet him all done up with a great big carefree smile and act as if you are happy. For some reason this makes them nuts. It makes them wonder what you're up to or what or WHO is responsible for your new attitude. <P>When you invite him up for a drink, become your own OW to the OW. At least you're entitled to whatever occurs, he is YOUR husband.<P>Stay strong, pray a lot and fight back with a great attitude and plenty of lipstick.<P>Catnip =^^=