<BR>Hello everyone!<P>A week ago; I posted about things looking brighter for H and me. Maybe he's having doubts, things are going bad for him, OW and OC; but dispite all of that; he continues to live with OW and OC. I have not spoken with him since last Sunday when we talked and he told me about his troubles with OW and his unhappiness with her and the situation. He hasnt called nor has he made an effort to see our children. Was I giving him too much credit for thinking that maybe there was a spark of hope for my marriage. He seemed to me to be making progress and I know I have to give him time...just as she bidded her time to lure him away from my home; I guess I need to be patient and do the same...but guys; I'm on a limited time here....I need to speed this process up...I've got 5 months to bring him home to Our family or it's over. I need some advice. I am being the "safe haven" for him; but if there is no other contact other than on scheduled visitations with the children; how can I make this happen? Prayer? Already doing that...daily..hourly...My faith in God is strong...but I dont know if even that is enough to fix this....I am becoming discouraged...When we first split; he came up with little silly things to call me for; and I was so angry and bitter at the time; i didnt make the time to talk or indulge him...so now; here I am; stuggling--> at the end of my rope despirate to save my marriage!

aloneandsad:<P>In retrospect, I have so many, many regrets from the party I didn't attend to ignoring the signs and not following my instincts.<P>I have come to the bitter conclusion that things played out the way they were supposed to, but I find it very difficult to accept this. <P>Your behavior towards your husband was simply your reaction to the pain of betrayal and discovery. It was neither right nor wrong at that point. Looking back, I know you would have done many things differently. Oh God, so would I.<P>It is out of your hands now, and while it may have been too soon to break out the champagne, I certainly know what it is like to be 'sure' only to find out I was wrong and his coming home was premature.<P>I am two years into recovery on January 18th. At Christmas 1998, I got a phone call from my husband in New York, distraught and disturbed, telling me he wanted to "fix things" and that he had had a "moment of clarity" and that he had made his decision and wanted to come home to me. He got on the next plane and rushed home, only to change his mind once again when he got here.<P>It wasn't until New Year's Day that he 'tentatively' made the big comitment to me, and it wasn't until January 18th that we were truly back together.<P>For you, it may be sooner, it may be longer or not at all; everyone's time frame is different. Luckily for me the OW was in another state and I sometimes think I got my husband back by default. It seemed that way until June of 1999. <P>Since then, however, it has gotten progressively better every day, every week, every month since then. Since October 22, 2000, we have been in a truly quality recovery.<P>This is going to take some time, aloneandsad, and it is important for you to Plan A your heart out as long as you can. While you wait for your husband to come out of his fog, journal every thought and feeling, pray constantly, read every book you can get your hands on, post here often and get out with your friends and family and above all, try to have some fun.<P>Having fun when I was in the midst of what you are going through is nearly impossible. Your husband will be in your thoughts most of the time and everything will remind you of him. But, occasionally, you will forget him for a moment and enjoy yourself. It is those few moments where you will add an interesting quality to yourself and make yourself attractive to your spouse. If you are enjoying life as much as you can, maintaining your family and keeping your dignity, and above all, loving your husband... some day he may come home.<P>Either way, you will be taking care of yourself.<P>I'm so sorry you are in such pain. I remember it well. I remember all of it as if it happened yesterday...and some days, it is like it never happened.<P>God bless, comfort, guide and protect you.<P>Catnip =^^=

aloneandsad, Is it possible for you to call him for silly reasons as he did. I may be wrong but I dont see any reason why you cant try some way of letting him know you want him back in your life. Maybe see if he wants to do something with you and the kids. With love flowerseed

Thanks for your advice, Catnip and Flowerseed! <P>As I said before; I dont have long...My divorce can be final as soon as June 11, 2001...Not long at all to salvage my marriage! It all depends on him...He may not even file; he may wait for me; and if he does; that may buy me a little more time to get him away from OW. I know I will have to deal with OC someday; but at this point in the "game"; I'm not even focused on that. I'm focused on bringing him home where he belongs! I will deal with OC when and if we come to that road. I was so hopeful when he began to open up to me-it hasnt been like that in a long time. I havent even heard him call me by name in 9 months. Last Sunday he called me "babe"; I think it was out of habit or by mistake or maybe even thinking I was OW; I dont know...but it made me just for a moment think that things could be as they used to be. Since I am on a limited time; I dont know how to get him to come home; I cannot for one second open myself up for more heartache and just ask him to come home; or can I? Should I just let him ask on his own? I dont even know if that is where his head is right now. He told his mom that he is not happy; but he doesnt have any where else to go; so he is stuck. <BR>Flowerseed, I just wanted to let you know; I took your advice and just called him (even though OW has forbid me to call MY husband at her house) We talked for about 15 minutes; then I had to go because I was at the dentist office with our d...It seemed to go well; he was pleasent....I was pleasent.....Keep your fingers crossed for me. For a while there; i wasnt sure what I wanted; I was confused; didnt know if I wanted to save my marriage or not...Now I am sure! I want my marriage!!! Please keep me in your prayers!! I cannot for one second even envision myself with anyone else!

aloneandsad, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and you are in my prayers. I am glad you were able to talk to him. I got a laugh about ow forbids you to call you really have to wonder who they think they are. I ll be cheering for you go girl go. with love flowerseed <P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

Flowerseed; <P>One other detail that has come to light; OW is running scared...She has told her child (not OC-but her 6 year old-also by a different marriage that she broke up) that when she and my H get married he will adopt her...When I talked to him he said he has said no such thing...He cares for that child; but it's not his and if he leaves OW he will get stuck with child support for someone else's child...He told me today that is not an issue..OW is using her children for a guilt trip on H and if that isnt pitiful and sorry, I dont know what is. I hope that shows him how sorry she is...He sounded shocked that I even brought the subject up...He told me that he thought he had set me straight with that; HE IS not going to marry her; not now; not ever; not if; she were the last woman on earth..If that is the case; why doesnt he leave her??? He is obviously miserable.

aloneandsad, it sounds like you two can talk about things pretty good. I dont know why he would stay if he is not happy. Maybe he has no place to go. Men are strange creatures. She really sounds quit sick telling a 6 yr old things like that must be she has the brain of a 6yr old. You just remember your his wife and if you want to call him and she dont like it than maybe she shouldnt have someones h living with her. Tough titty said the kitty. with love flowerseed <P>------------------<BR>`Look ahead or you will find yourself behind.

aloneandsad,<P>i have not been in your situation, but i say what do you have to lose. you already know you love him and want to save your marriage. so tell him. worst case scenario, you are already there, he is with her. best case, he comes home. i say tell him how you feel. he might not think you want him anymore. might even be dropping hints about how unhappy he is just hoping you will say, honey come home.<P>just my opinion. take care.<P>happy_girl