First of all I want to thank everyone for all of the support you gave me while I was struggling with telling my friend about OC. <P>My friend doesn't have the internet, therefore I can't direct her to this wonderful place. She's feeling so alone right now. So I was hoping that maybe you all could give her some encouragement, advise, and support on this thread. Then I will print it out and mail it to her to read. I know that it would help her so much just to know that she's not alone. <P>Thank you all for being there for me when I needed you....I'm hoping that this thread will offer my friend the same kind of support.<P>Bless you all...

For my unknown friend.... <P>We all touch each others lives in so many ways, sometimes even the lives of folks we do not ever meet. This is our case. But your pain has become a part of my history now, since I was offered a little tiny bit of a glimpse into your painful situation.<P>I have carried a few burdens in my life, but not the one of wanting a child and not being able to have one. I foolishly didn't even think about having children, and when I did find myself pregnant spent the first week thinking so selfishly of how this would negatively change my life. But my two boys have done mothing but give me a positive change. So I have a hard time understanding a longing that I have never dealt with. The pain must be overwhelming. <P>Then to top off that pain, to lose your partner in that struggle. How alone that must have felt. How incredibly ignorant and selfish he was! <P>But please know that your future life does not have to be defined by that painful journey. I am sure at this point it would be very difficult to find any joy. But I find that life offers so much that is unexpected. And it is usually in those unexpected twists and turns that the best of life crops up. <P>I wish I had a magical way of lifting the pain. But that will come. It comes to us all as the gift of time. Please take care of yourself. Take it easy and don't expect too much to come too soon. But always be looking for the unexpected. I will pray for you to find joy there.<P>Carolyn <P>Thank you Angelface for this opportunity.<p>[This message has been edited by takingcare (edited February 12, 2001).]

Dear Friend, <P>I'am so sorry to hear of the pain you are going thru. You are probley thinking what did I ever do that was so wrong that God would do this to me. I know I asked myself that question a hundred times. The reasons have nothing to do with anything you may have did it is just a way to lead us down a diffrent road than what we have been walking.A good friend of mine often told me everything happens for a reason and it took me along time to understand what possible reason could there be for something like this. In time you will find that you are a much stonger person because of the awful blow that you have been dealt. If you find yourself full of hate, anger,discust a sense of betrayel that you feel will never go away.All these feelings are all normal we have all had them and then some there are alot more that I'am sure I have forgotten to mention. In time you will find your way and that these feelings can be put aside.I just want you to know that you are in my prayers and if it helps at all please know you are not alone. With love flowerseed <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited February 12, 2001).]

Dear friend,<BR>Know that you are not alone. I remember when I found out that my wife had had an affair and was pregnant. We already had two children and had decided not to have any others due to our son being born extremely premature and the risk of another early birth was too high. I know the pain is almost unbearable right now, but in time, you will get better and you will be better off. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make your pain go away, it just takes time. <BR>My mother sent me a card the other day with this verse:<P>I am still confident of this:<BR>I will see the goodness of the Lord <BR>in the land of the living. <BR>Wait for the Lord; be strong and <BR>take heart and wait for the Lord.<BR>-Psalm 27:13-14<P>this was a verse that gave comfort to a widow of a man that was killed in Ft. Worth, TX at Wedgwood Baptist Church last year. When we think we have it as bad as anyone could possibly have it, God reveals that there is always someone who has it worse. I pray that you will find comfort in the words of your dear friend. She loves you so much and lamented over your situation. Take care and relay any info through Angelface so that we can see your progress.<BR>Floored<p>[This message has been edited by floored (edited February 12, 2001).]

Your friend, Angleface, agonized over this devastating news and came here to discuss whether she should be the one to tell you so you would not be kept in the dark. That was a very difficult thing for her to do.<P>There is nothing worse than knowing in your heart something is wrong but not able to put your finger on it, to know deep in your gut that something has happened but not knowing what it is. To finally know this horrible, horrible news is the worst possible thing that could happen in your marriage.<P>Angleface respected and loved you enough to tell you so you would not feel the fool, which is how we all feel if we are the last to know.<P>You are not alone. We all know your story and empathized deeply as only we can...because we have been there. I am one of the betrayed spouses on this site that also cannot have my husband's child. This is a profoundly bitter pill to know that some selfish and souless bytch was able to conceive and give birth to a child that only I am entitled to do.<P>My husband rejected me for several weeks, but eventually came home and we have been in recovery for two years. Many of us on this site are in some form of recovery. There are also a few here who are moving on with their lives alone. Whichever way it ultimately works out for you, I want you to know you are in our prayers and we think about you and talk about you with warmest wishes for your healing.<P>I'll pray your husband sees the a mistake he is making and turns his decision around and comes home. I will pray for your recovery.<P>God bless, and stay strong.<P>Catnip =^^= <p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited February 12, 2001).]

Dear Friend,<BR>I can tell you that the pain will not be as fresh in a few months from now. I found out my H and my "friend" had a brief A and she is pregnant. Due May 1st.<BR>This is the single most crushing thing in my life that has happened.<P>I found out in November 2000. H confessed. It was about a week before my son's 21st b/day. I felt I couldn't go on. I drank, too much. I cried,too long. I shut myself in the house afraid "everyone" would know. I was immobolized for weeks.<P>I have very supportive friends who listened.<P>I began counseling 5 days later.<P>It helped and still does.<P>I say psalm 143 each day. Please read it.<P>I couldn't say the whole thing without sobbing pitifully.<P>I can say it most times without tears now.<P>Believe when people say there will be better days. I know it's hard, but believe it.<P>There will be, sweet friend.<P>I will pray for you now. I will ask God to help you find peace. I wish you peace.<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear friend,<BR>My Dad is fond of saying (and I'm not sure if he "borrowed" this idea from somewhere else) that his favorite words in the Bible are "And it came to pass..." He says that the bible repeats these words so often to remind us that God ensures that everything on earth does indeed come to pass. Nothing, not joy nor happiness nor pain nor suffering will remain constant. Grand civilizations, bloody wars, human life itself, is all ruled by change and at least in this earthly existance, must come to an eventual end. At this devastating and heartbreaking point in your life, the only words of solace I can offer you is that God guarantees that this too, will "come to pass." One way or another, the pain you are feeling today cannot remain in your heart forever. Take what comfort you can knowing that God cares about you enough in your time of need to ensure that your suffering, as horrific and all consuming as it is, will not plague you forever. It has not the power to do so. <P>Please also remember that your h's actions are based in selfish desires and greed. Do not allow his terrible actions to influence your opinion of yourself. What he did does not mean that you are any less beautiful, intelligent, sexy, desirable, personable etc. than anybody else, most especially the ow. The hurtful decisions he is making now reflect only on his poor judgement, not to your lack of character in any way. <P>I will be praying for your recovery, be it with your h or not. Again, know that God is caring for you and is on the side of the marriage. He has already provided you with a friend (angelface) who cares so deeply about you. Imagine what else he may have in store.<P>-cd

Dear friend of Angelface,<P>I'm so so sorry you're going through this, but I want you to know you are not alone. My H's affair/OtherChild was over 2 years ago and I have been STUNNED to learn the number of marriages in which this happens, and it is NOT YOUR FAULT!! I wish you could read about all the personal stories like your own.<P>You are being hit by at least many "whammies"--the affair, his leaving, and the OW's pregnancy in light of your infertility (yet another whammy if the OW was someone you once knew and trusted!)... it is normal for you to be reeling and in pain. You need support while you go through the normal stages of grief (they don't feel normal--they feel like you're going insane!), but you CAN live through this and you CAN have a better life after you get over this man who has been so cruel to you.<P>I have not suffered infertility exactly, as I have 2 biokids, but I did experience 3 miscarriages and the loss of one baby at birth, so I sympathize with that special pain. We have noticed on these affair boards that many marriages experience affairs during infertility, miscarriages, and even pregnancies. It is the extreme stress in which marriages flounder, but again, THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! Your H was very cruel to treat you the way "Angel" describes. He is immature and cowardly and left you no options. You are a strong woman and you will survive. Your friend describes how sweet you are and how you would never deserve this. I'm sure you have much to offer. You must take time to 'lick your wounds', but then you go out there and have a great life!! Don't let that a** make you bitter or shy of all the wonderful possibilities there are out there! The failure in your marriage is HIS. <P>There are many good books out there that explain some about affairs and also books on self-esteem, which I used at the same time because this is a horrible blow to the betrayed's self-esteem. I heard Oprah once describe affairs as soul-killing or soul-murder (I forget which). We can never forget but we can heal. I hope you have friends, family, and a good counselor by your side. Don't let the depression keep you isolated; that's dangerous. Get your needs met! If you have any questions for us, let your friend ask for you, or hop on a public (library?) computer.<P>Blessings and angelwings surround you,<BR>Jenny<BR>(hope I wasn't too late, Angel. Bless you for helping your friend)