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#792727 02/13/01 07:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 22
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lost24 Offline OP
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zebrababy and others just thought i would let you know that i'm back from my weekend getaway. we didn't get to go the mtns.,taxes didn't get here in time. just my luck. H said that didn't matter because he was taking me somewhere no matter what. we went to the beach fri. and went out to eat and to a small club that night. got up sat. and it was raining so we decided to come back and go to a friends b-day party. we done alot of talking and sorted through a few things. i think even though it wasn't much time alone it done both of us alot of good. we were at the club just sitting at the table listening to the band, talking when h looked over at me and told me that he hadn't seen me relaxed and smiling like i was in a longtime. he told me that he was so sorry for the things that he had done and that he would never hurt me that way again. he told me that he couldn't stand how i looked at him and the way i just had a dead look in my eyes. i told him that i was sorry for the way i looked at him, i wasn't aware of it. he told me that he finally understood and that it wasn't my fault. he said there would be only goodtimes and smiles from here on out. i know he means well and i want to believe him but we have a long way togo. he knows it also and has promise to be here for me and work together and keep our marriage and family together. he says the ow is history and that no matter what she says or does there is nothing going to take him or his dedication and committment from me. i hope this means we are on the way to better and brighter days but i can't help feeling uneasy. i told him and he says for me to hang in there and give him the chance to prove his committment and love for me. i'm trying but it is hard and i really want to believe him if i can just get myself to give him some trust. wish i knew how. i have given it to him before only for it to turn around and bite me. but... if we are going to make it through this i have to start and that is a big step for me now. hope things are ok with everyone. i saw the unwanted post today. some people have more nerve than i've ever seen but then again some women seem to enjoy stirring up s---. i better go for now 5 is crying w/earache. it's always good to know no matter what i am loved and needed by them, unconditionally and always. they make me want to be strong andgive me the strength to keep fighting.<P>------------------<BR>lost24

#792728 02/13/01 10:37 PM
Joined: May 1999
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Lost:<P>What you are going through, only time will heal. You are still so early in your recovery; please don't expect the trust to come back too quickly. <P>Focus on small steps toward each other and then one day, a couple years from now, you'll look back at the progress you've made and see your husband meant every word he said. Be patient. <P>I'm glad you got away and had some alone time together and focused on each other. It was a much needed weekend not only for you, but for him, too. He is probably scared to death he is going to loose you. Stay strong. <P>I love how you give your children numbers to identify them...I assume "5" is your five year old...hope "5"'s earache gets better soon.<P>Catnip =^^=

#792729 02/13/01 11:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
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lost24,<P>you guys sound like you are on the right track. you definitely need those little getaways, even if it isn't very far away! those moments together are time to talk to heal, to be together again and remember why you fell in love in the first place. you have to work at a marriage, and it looks like your H is trying. keep your head up. it is hard, and all those feelings you have are normal. even though i love and trust my husband, it doesn't mean i don't get afraid something will happen and ruin it all.<P>take care,<P>happy_girl

#792730 02/14/01 12:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
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lost24 Offline OP
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yes. 5 is my 5yr.old. she is a mess. sometimes i forget that she is 5. she went to school today but still has an earache. my 12yr old has been great through all of this. if she has any questions she asks them and i try to be hinest with her without telling her too much. she knows how i feel and has help me through alot. she too has been through alot for her age and has had to "grow up" way too soon. but thank god for the great councilor that she had. she still has not so good days but they are few and far between now.<P>------------------<BR>lost24

#792731 02/14/01 03:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2000
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I'm so glad to hear you got a moment to relax with H. That time, whenever you can squeeze it is very important to the healing process. And the other post above are 100% correct. Trust after betrayal has to be almost forced out of you at first. But over time when the trust is enforced with his positive behavior it will come much more naturally and without thought.<P>I deal with the same issues every day. But I know in my heart that my trust is the key to jumpstarting our healing. If I am focused on his behavior and worrying about what he's going to do I've wasted all that energy. I should be focused on communicating better with him, addressing his needs and most important making myself a better person that he is proud to be with. The better I am the more he will want to stay with me and only me. That's were my energies have to lie.<P>I hope this valentine's day finds you full of hope and positive energies. Take a deep breath, exhale and thank God that you are in a position to make your relationship better than it ever was.<P>Email me if you need me.<BR>natalie<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serinity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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