well, i finally got a hold of the lawyer today. DNA test showed 99.9% that OC is my husbands. i was expecting that. but it still crushed me. i think it actually surprised H more. he was hoping for a miracle i guess. not that i wasn't. but i think about it in more realistic terms. my H seems to sort of ignore it. though he said today that what he did to me "torments" him. i just told him that we are in this together. that i love him and that we WILL get through this. sometimes i worry more about him than me, because he keeps it all in and doesn't talk to anyone about it.<P>so i am filling out the affidavit of financial information and then i will have H sign it and send it to him to have notarized. anyone know what we should do? i am not providing my income unless they request it with a court order. and last 2 years our income taxes were filed together. the lawyer says that we can just put that they are lost and just give this years. any one have experience with this? she can't use my income. plus my H made a lot less last year than in the previous 2 due to the fact that he worked in state the whole year.<P>i am sad. i knew that the OC was his in my heart. woman's intuition i guess. but it is hard. i am sitting here alone and i am just sad. a jack and coke to calm the nerves. wish i had some xanax. that would do the trick.<P>i haven't posted much here lately because i have been a bit depressed. with H out of town and being alone everyday, the hours just drag by. i never sleep till late so it is 6-7 hours alone in silence. well, the t.v. i guess. i would actually be happy to hear from a telemarketer. they would be sorry they called me, i would probably talk their ear off.<P>i do read the posts everyday. you all are in my prayers and i hope to be back to myself soon. take care.<P>happy_girl

Oh HG, I am so sorry. I am in tears as I type this. I had hoped too. I wish I was there and we would sit and cry together. Crying is good sometimes. Very good. <P>You need a big hug. I don't know how to do that on computer, but I am sending one to you. I remember finding out the final news. It is just such a terrible weight that sits on you. I am so sorry you are alone right now. You are so special and don't deserve this. Please take care of you. Carolyn

carolyn, thank you so much for your kind words. you have me crying now. i am so thankful for all of my friends here at MB. i don't know what i would do with out ya'll. none of us deserve this carolyn, thanks for your hug. i needed it.<P>love, happy_girl

HG,<P>I'm new here, but my heart is breaking for you. I don't know where you would find out if you have to list your income, but I would say get an attorney. I found some sites online that may have something in it for you. <P>LII: Uniform Matrimonial, Family, and Health Laws Locator <A HREF="http://www.law.cornell.edu/uniform/vol9.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.law.cornell.edu/uniform/vol9.html</A> <P>Fathers Rights Foundation Page <A HREF="http://www.fathers-rights.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.fathers-rights.com/</A> <P>I hope there is something in these sites that will help you. I haven't gone into them, so I'm not sure what they have to offer. I would think they couldn't use your income, the baby isn't yours.<P>Big hugs going out to you {{{{{happy girl}}}}}<P>------------------<BR><B>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown~</B><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly Kisses (edited February 20, 2001).]

HG,<P>I am SO sorry for your pain right now!! I don't really know what to say. I, myself, have been going through a lot of fear and worry as the time for my delivery gets closer, but at least things are pretty set in stone for us. The only thing that would change things for us is if OM found out and made himself known. You are in my prayers!!!<P>Tigger

happy, I am so sorry about results my h had the same reaction as yours. What we had to do is just tell them what h made an hour and they took a % of that he didnt even have to show them proof. In this state they cant use my income wouldnt matter anyhow since I have had none since this came out. I think in 2 years thou when she can come after him again then they will make us show income tax. I sure wish there was a limit as to what these sluts can take from us. Hugs to you happy things will get better once this is out of the way. with love flowerseed

Happy Girl,<P>Well we both knew these were coming soon. I am so sorry. I know what a kick in the gut hearing or reading tha news is. I am glad that you finally got ahold of your lawyer. I know you are having a hard time. My prayers are with you. I will talk to you later today. <P>babstr.

Dear happygirl,<BR>If they ask for your income refuse to give it to them without a court order stating that you HAVE to turn it over. This is what I did. They asked for my income and for our taxes. I went with h to the cs hearing and I said, "I am not a party in this complaint - it is between h and ow - and as such, I will not turn over to you any records of my income unless you can show me a court order saying that I am now listed as a responsible party in this matter." I threatened to file an invasion of privacy lawsuit - of course I was just blowing smoke, but they apparantly didn't know that. Domestic relations gal finally relented on my income itself, but still wanted tax records. I took a black permanent marker and blacked out everything that my income played into - which was just about every single line - and gave it to her. I don't know if they got tired of me or what, but they haven't asked for my income or anything related to it since then.<P>I am so sorry that it is your h's. I remember reading the words and then they were all wet and I wondered how they got wet. I didn't know til then that I was crying.<P>With love,<BR>cd

Oh Happy-Girl, I feel so sad for you. I know what you mean about "knowing" but not wanting to give into that until you read it for sure.<P>I can hardly wait for what's gonna happen in my H case....<P>Have a jack and coke for me too....no wait...make that a Lite! <P>I will pray for your peace of mind today.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

The wife's income has know part in this at all! We have been told by three different lawyers (should our situation ever come to this) that only my H's income would be considered. I have no part in this and will not what so ever.<P>Well HG, at least the waiting and wondering is over and you can just do what you need to do now. I'll be thinking of you, it has to be hard, I just don't know what I will do should I ever find out the truth - if I ever know anything. Give yourself time for reality to set in and soon peace will follow I am sure of this - somehow, someway we will all have peace.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by carriemom (edited February 21, 2001).]

i love you all. thank you for your support. i am off to work. at least there i can keep it off my mind for the whole day...<P>happy_girl

HG:<P>Your post reminds us all of the day and the moment we first heard or read the DNA results. My husband and I have never received any written documentation of any kind. The results were 'announced' to us during a telephone testimony with the court in NY. That strange hollowness in my chest is a feeling I'll never forget. <P>The odd thing is, is that this revelation simply confirmations what we already know, and have known all along. The sadness stems from the deep disappointment that the results were not as we desired. Our hopes dashed.<P>HG, I hate to think of you sitting around your apartment alone, lurking but not posting because you've been depressed. That's when you're supposed to come here. To get the comfort and friendship you need from people who know what you are going through. Your husband's reaction is so predictable, too. My husband acted the exact same way...it is their way of coping with this horrible thing.<P>Well, as always, everyone here were hoping that the results would come back negative. But,they didn't. It's time to look at this question as resolved. At least now you know.<P>Believe it or not, there are positives in this...now you can move forward. The anxiety of waiting for the results is over. You and your husband can begin again, work together to find solutions. You may be surprised at the bond the two of you will develop. You will be surprised at his gratitude that you are there for him and that you aren't going anywhere. His devotion to you will multiply. Your appreciation of your own strength and for your marriage will amaze you. You will develop a deeper closeness with your husband. <P>You're in my prayers, HG...so is your husband. Remember you are not alone in this and we are here for you. I'm so sorry, HG.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^=<P><p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited February 21, 2001).]

<BR>As outrageous as it sounds, case law in Massachusetts allows judicial discretion to include the second wife's income. See:<BR> <A HREF="http://falseallegations.com/silvia.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://falseallegations.com/silvia.htm</A> <P>The Sylvia case established a mother's duty to support the children, and was in some sense a victory for father's rights at the time. But that duty has since been codified into law, so this aspect of the case is now moot. However, the immoral part of the decision, that a second wife's income can be included, still remains. In Massachusetts, second wives can and are compelled to provide income information so that the family courts can extort as much as possible from the father. <P>Of course, that said, there is no legal duty of the second wife to support the stepchildren. Thus the second wife can walk into family court and inform the judge that she is taking an unpaid leave of absence from her job, and there isn't anything the judge can do to stop her. But the first wife can file for a "child support" increase if she learns the second wife has gone back to work. In that sense, the first wife retains the power to either extract part of the second wife's income, or to force the second wife to remain unemployed to avoid being extorted. The system in Massachusetts is EXTREMELY sick.<P>Bystander<BR>

Happy,<BR>In our state they include the wifes income because we are a community property state. If that is the case there is not much you can do. I stay home with our children so i have no income for her to steal.<BR>I hope you are the lucky one in a million who gets a "good" cs order.<BR>Echo

hello to all. and thanks again for your support and prayers. i checked arizona case law and i think it says that the spouses income is not counted. the problem is we filed jointly in the past and i don't want them to see my income, it is none of their business.<P>takingcare- thanks for the hug. it was much needed.<P>butterflykisses- i haven't posted to you yet, so welcome to our little club, sad you have to be here, but always glad when someone in need of this group has found their way here. thanks for the website links, i will check them out.<P>tigger- thanks for your worries, especially when you have enough on your plate as it is. the delivery will go fine! and you have a wonderful H who loves you! you guys are in my prayers too.<P>flowerseed- oh how i wish there were limits too flowerseed. i hope they will be fair it will save us money with not having to go to a hearing. lawyer said if we agree with what they say for the payment and to pay back the welfare money, than we don't have to go to court. let's pray they are fair.<P>babstr- i know that this was gonna be what happened. but as you already know from experience it just makes it more real. thanks for everything...<P>cd- thanks for the ideas on how to tell them to buzz off, they aren't getting my info. my lawyer said that they usually don't press for that. they are happy to work it out from his income. and that it is usually cut and dry. i sure hope so... sorry i made you cry.<P>gemini- thanks for the prayer for peace. i am feeling better today. work helps to distract and i might go shopping later... no jack and coke tonight. but it helped me sleep yesterday.<P>carriemom- you are right. the waiting is over, now the healing can finish. we are pretty much there, but this will help.<P>catnip- you always put things just as they are and you are always right. my H is always grateful that i am with him all the way on this. i told him that last night again, to remind him. he is with his friends, but still alone because he doesn't talk to anyone about it. i know he loves me and that we have already made it through this emotionally, now it is time to go through what we have known was coming all along. not that it will be easy, but i know we can do it. thanks for the prayers.<P>bystander- just another unfairness in the whole support system. why should anyone support a child that they had no part in making??? you are right,it is just sickening. glad i am not in massachusetts. we are in arizona.<P>ladygirl75- hi! long time no see! we are a community property state, but i researched and am pretty sure that they don't include my income. i will have to go hunting. maybe i will post on the law board and see what they have to say. <P>i really love you all. can't imagine dealing with all this without you guys.<P>happy_girl

I am so happy that I found this forum and that I found all your postings. I can not believe you are all out there and in the same situation as me. I finally have found a place to go and read advise and post to help others like myself. My husband and I found out the dna results of the oc two years ago. The shock has worn off, but the pain is still here. He has been paying support for almost two years and still has not met his son. We have two children of our own and I decided that they should be able to grow up knowing their half brother. After many court appearences he won visitation starts in one week. I have so much more to share until next time