I had to talk to W today about some medical info for son and W told me she had decided that this can't work out and that D was unavoidable. I asked her why she was so sure and she told me that through the years we've been married, she wasn't "true to herself". I wanted to LB so bad and tell her what a crock that was, but I didn't. I told her that our pastor had talked about abortion a couple of weeks ago and that he mentioned "Post Abortion Stess Disorder". I asked him if that was a made up name and he told me to check it out for myself on the web. Well, there's a lot of info out there and the kind of behavior my W has engaged in is right on target. Anyway, I told her that maybe she should see a councelor to see if she suffers from this and that way she could make a educated decision about whether or not to work on our marriage. She said that she does want to get counceling, but can't afford it and it will have to wait. I think I'll email her dad or step-ma to see if they would offer to give her money for a few sessions. <BR>I am so thankful for MB, because this announcement by my W really didn't disturb me, because I was prepared for this kind of behavior. Another question:<P>Why can a woman rationalize that kids will be ok if mom and dad divorce as long as they get along with each other? I can understand how a man could say this because they usually aren't as attached to the kids as the mom, but I can't understand it in my W's case.<BR>Floored

Floored,<P>I am saddened to hear your news. But, I am also glad that you seem to be taking it well. I really don't know what to say. Maybe if she can see a counselor, she may see the error of her ways. As for your question about a woman rationalizing about the kids being ok in a divorce where the 2 parties "get along", well, I still don't think she is in her right mind, or even close to it. I don't think that kids can be ok with a divorce in any type of situation. The way I see it, is that she is trying to put a nice spin to her guilt about what she has done, and what she is doing right now. She is avoiding seeing the inevitable pain she is going to cause everyone involved. I have no advice to that question, just what I see.<P>Again, I am saddened by the news.<P>Tigger

Dear Floored,<BR>Good for you for handling w's request for D in such a calm and reasonable manner! I actually was wondering, when reading your earlier posts, when she would bring it up. I expected that she would, not because she really wants one, but becasue it seems to be in line with her deluded behaviors at this time. mY H Also went through a stage in which he insisted that we should get divorced. I said, "no, I will never agree to divorce you. You will have to fight to do it without my consent." I think that really he had gotten to the point that he thought he had gone to far and was saying he wanted a divorce in order to test me, to see if I was just waiting for an excuse to get it all over with. The ws get to a point where they can't comprehend WHY their spouses still love them and therefore offer up the "easy out" of divorce. At least that's what I think.<BR>As for counseling for w: Many counseling centers offer "sliding scale" rates based on the individual's income. Sessions then can be as little as 5 or 10 bucks, or even free. But you have to ask about it. Not many of them advertise this, they assume people will ask about it on their own. You should ask around.<BR>I still don't think this is the end for you floored. keep your faith<BR>-cd

floored,<P>I am sorry to hear this news. But I think it was great that you were able to give her an answer besides yes, or ok. You were able to dodge the divorce issue and suggest counseling. You did great, and stayed so calm! <P>babstr.

Dear floored,<P>It took me a while to absorb your post. Largely because it is what we all fear the most. Even though we are all killing ourselves and burying our own feelings to bring comfort to our WS and make them see reason, there is always the possibility that we may hear those same words one day - "I want a D".<P>You have shown incredible personal strength since you came to this board. You have endured such emotional blows from your W and yet you kept faith in your marriage. You have continued to be there for your children while she has lived in one of the deepest fogs that I have heard of among our friends here.<P>I know what it is like to continue to try to make someone happy, to want them to see the love you have for them, even when your heart is broken in a million pieces. And like you, I have not given up and will not give up. <P>I will pray so hard for you. You have given so much of yourself, it is more than time for you to have some sense of satisfaction.<P>I hope that counselling will work for her. Your perseverance, courage, and love for your family WILL be rewarded one day. Until then, I wish you continued courage to deal with this every day, and I pray for a happy ending.<P>- heavenly <p>[This message has been edited by heavenlybody26 (edited February 24, 2001).]

I am so thankful for the friendships I have here on MB. You all, above any others help me so much because you are or have expereinced the pain I am feeling now. I'm really not discouraged right now, just saddened that she has decided to voice what I had been thinking she wanted all along. Even though you think it, when it is put into words, it seems a lot more real. Keep praying and I'll keep plugging along!<BR>Floored