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#793185 02/25/01 10:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 22
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lost24 Offline OP
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well it's been awhile since i've been able to sit down and visit with everyone. i have been busy trying to get my business started and underway. things have finally slowed down some. i wanted to let everyone know that we sat down his weekend with our 5yr. old and told her about her half brother. as i expected, she wass excited, she ahs wanted a little brother long before all this happened. my h took her and met oc and they had a good time together. i made sure the other women was not there before h took her to gp's house. when they got home she was going 90 to nothing about what they did and how much fun she had. i was really dreading telling her but now i feel much better. i don't have to watch what i say and be affraid of her over hearing us talk. things between h and i have been going good. we have been taking one night a week to spend alone together and that has helped us so much. h has been very aware of my feelings and seems to pay more attention to me and my feelings. we talk all the time and he listens and gives me his support and understanding. we get our first weekend visitation in 2 weeks. ow has said that he is not to bring oc near me. h has told her that she has no say so in where he takes oc. i am sure that when we go to get oc she is going to cause an ugly scene. i have told h that i am going with him and he said that he is going to call the police and have them go up there with him so that she realizes he is right and there's nothing she can do. i want to go but at the same time i feel like if i go and she starts her crap then all the anger and spite that i feel for her will come out. i do not want to stoop to her level but i have had enough of her controlling my life. i am taking control back and she needs to back off before i loose what small amount of control i have now. well i didn't mean to get into all of that. how is everyone doing? i hope things are well for everyone. i have missed talking to all of you and i am glad things have slowed down sothat i can catch up with everyone. let me know if anything has changed, good or bad with all of you. i hope only good things but we all know there's always something coming up in our situations. talk to everyone later. thoughts and prayers for all.<P>------------------<BR>lost24

#793186 02/26/01 01:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
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Hello to you, lost24, I am new to the forum and I wanted to introduce myself and let you know that I am going to be going thru almost the very same things you just described in your last post. In fact as I was reading it I got a weird feeling as if I was reading about myself. My h is going to start visitation this week and I am going to have to tell our son about his half brother, soon. I know he will be excited too as you said your d was. I have alittle time because the court order atates that my H can not introduce the OC to his extended family until 2 months of visitation have been completed. I will not go to pick up the Oc, I would rather leave the Mother wondering, I would never give her the satisfaction of seeing me lose it. I went to court many times with my H but I have never even spoken to her. She, to me, is not worth it, she is not even on the same level as me and I refuse to allow her or her childish behaviors to lower me to the level she chooses to live on. If I were you I would stay as far away as possible the Ow could never be on your level and you should not let her try and lower you with her behavior. I think by making her wonder and question gives you even more control. Good luck, Gabi1116 <P>

#793187 02/28/01 03:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2000
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Lost,<P>Glad to see you are back. My opinion on visitation differs from Gabbi's. (no disrespect Gabbi, everyone's choice is valid and right for them). We choose that I be the primary contact for the OW & OC. I am the one that calls and arranges visitation, I drop off the money, I pick up and drop off the OC. Sometimes H is with me, but most times not. <P>I do this for many reasons. The number one reason is keeping my enemy close. When she has to look into my eyes she knows at I am in control of this situation. There is no wondering for her. It reminds her that she is not in control of my life... I am.<P>Number two. It keeps my husband honest and puts my fears at ease. I don't have to wonder when he goes to pick the OC up, is she flirting with him, is she wearing short shorts, etc.<P>And lastly. I feel like it makes a statement to her about my husband deferring communication with her to me. It's like HE has placed me in between her and him. He chooses to be with me and he chooses to let me stand between them in a literal and figurative sense.<P>When I see and talk to her I am always very nice and very polite. I always look my best (she always looks like crap). I use it as an tool to keep her in her place.<P>And if you read in another post I had before. I will get the ultimate revenge because I know her daughter will one day want to come live with us. <P>Visitation and how it works best for you and your husband will be something you two come to terms with and agree on.<P>My children love the fact that they have a little sister. I just don't look forward to answering the questions when he figures out what has to happen to make a baby! I guess I'll tackel that when I come to it!<P>Welcome back,<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.<p>[This message has been edited by zebrababy (edited February 28, 2001).]

#793188 02/28/01 11:39 PM
Joined: Jun 2000
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lost24, i am glad that you have told your D and that you and your family can move on and hopefully adjust to this new part of your life. i agree with zebrababy. i think that if the H is to be involved with the OC, then the W should be the person picking up the child, etc. there should be no contact between the H and OW. especially if OW is the type to try to constantly lure H back to her, using the child as an excuse. she made a child with a married man, and since she wants him involved, then his wife is involved too. whether she likes it or not. good luck and prayers for you and your family.<P>happy_girl


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