I haven't posted in a while but I visit often. I usually don't respond if I don't have anything worth saying. Many times people have already responded with more articulation than I would and I leave it at that. But now I'm gonna talk. I've been a member of this forum since September and it's amazing to me that I don't recognize this forum anymore. I noticed that the topics (2 of them) posted from that stupid little ***** "anOW" has gotten 55-60 posts, each!! I haven't read them all, but I was curious to see what was so interesting about her...and I still have yet to figure it out. On the other hand, I've noticed new comers to this forum who are here for support, help and advise, and have barely gotten a dozen responses. It's amazing! More attention has been given to this little immature, selfish tramp who slept with someone else's husband and many of you want to "help her". I say to hell with her! She knows what this forum is about and her only reason for being here is to cause trouble. Yeah, sure, she's sharpened your claws, but did you really need them sharpened? I mean, isn't this suppose to a be place to come to be able "let your hair down", relax and be honest and even talk about your fears and insecurities without having to deal with bull**** from a person just like the ones our husband's have slept with? Hell, if I wanted that kind of drama I wouldn't need to come here to get it! And another thing, we're so welcoming of everyone! I remember when Ohbratti first showed up here and she was ALMOST as stupid and selfish as anOW. Now all of a sudden she's the highly respected resident OW whom we can all learn something from...another point of view. PULEZZE! I already know what the OW's point of view was...to sleep with my H and she did. I'm not interested in hearing the why's and how's. I already know enough. I agree with something CDcollins said (not much else, though,because she was one of the ones who wanted to "help" that little stupid girl. CD, you've wasteda lot of good advise on a pea brain). She admonished Catnip for denying the fact that she is self-serving. Cd said something about selfishness getting a bad rap (paraphasing). I agree. If it was selfish on my part to want to come someplace where more attention is not given to OW than to betrayed spouses and rebuilding marriages, then call me selfish! Yeah, yeah yeah, I know...we're supposed to welcome all opinions! Well to hell with that. I still don't understand why OW come to this forum anyway! But whatever! I'm just glad that I came pre- Ohbratti and this newest one! More attention and focus was given to people who needed it. Heavenly and Catnip were two of my first friends. Thanks for all your good advise and support. Well, I've said what I came to say, and like it or not, that MY opinion (since all opinions are soooo welcomed here). So, If I've offended anyone, oh well, that's how it goes sometimes. To all others, take care and farewell!

comfort,<BR>Please dont leave us. I didnt respond to the first one. When she came back she p**** me right off I couldnt resist. I learned from this experience to do as I did with the first and not respond. It did me no good. I dont like having this anger come back so bad that it makes a me feel sick . I think its bothered alot of people here. Lets get this place back to what it should be a safe place to come. with love flowerseed

oh comfort, don't leave. when you give advice it is always so nice. i will miss your doses of comfort if you go. i am guilty of responding to anOW too. but i decided that she is only here to stir up trouble and so i am no longer reading her post, and i will not ever write to the topics she posts again. heavenly joined me in that. i feel if someone here wants to befriend her, then send her your email and talk on the side. but this is not the place. we should have listened to K, had we ignored her, she would have gone away.<P>i try to post to people, but have a hard time when they are involved with OC because i don't feel they need my opinion since we do not see the OC, but i do try when i can. i have been tired lately and not participating as much as i should here. once i get back to my normal self i hope to.<P>anyway, i hope you don't go away forever. your opinions here count. and i will miss you if you are gone.<P>happy_girl

flowerseed & Happygirl:<P>If I've offered any advise or support to either of you at anytime that helped, then I'm so glad about that. Thank you both for your kind words and God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...

Comfort,<P>Don't leave, I know I did for a while. I was here when this forum was brand new, before we are all part of General Questions. It is hard not to get baited, I know after 40 posts, I did respond to anOW. It is hard, sometimes it feels like a good vent. But I do agree. <P>There are so many people coming and going around here it is unreal. But I do remember your kind words and good advise. Please don't leave again. Yes, we all have our opinions, but those opinions alot of times are the same. <P>I will agree with Happy Girl, that I have had a hard time responding recently. Only because there seems to be a wave where most here don't have contact with OC, and now the wave is most do have contact. I either feel like crap because my heart isn't open enough to do what they do. And like happy girl, I don't know what to say because I am so adament about not wanting contact. Seeing the ow or oc makes my skin crawl, I don't want to ever see them. So I feel kind of on the outside at times, when alot of the topics I don't even have two cents for. I am rambling, sorry. Please stay.<P>babstr.

Dear Comfort,<P>I left for a while myself and only returned about two weeks ago. You have voiced some of the things that I have been feeling since my return but simply did not say. As usual I agree completely with flowerseed, happy_girl and babstr. <P>I was appalled when I came back and saw the replies to anOW. That is why I joined happy_girl in saying I was not going to read anymore and I encouraged anOW to find a support group where the members were in her situation.<P>You are absolutely correct, the back and forth justification of sleeping with a married man only upset people and dredged up feelings that we are trying to forget.<P>But, Comfort, I once remember that I complimented you on being just like your name -- a great comfort to all the people here. There are still many of us who are dedicated to trying to save our marriages and to working through the feelings that the OW/OC has caused. That takes time and that takes support from people like you.<P>There have been some pretty wild posts on this board lately, but remember, you can continue to pick and choose what you wish to read. Pass by the names that tend to upset you. Seek out the ones that give YOU comfort! But you are also entitled to find what you need here and believe me, there are still plenty of people who are willing to help.<P>One of the things that I noticed is that we have a lot of newbies who are in the very early stages of discovery. You must remember that time, Comfort. I remember it like it was yesterday. My life was so turned upside down, my thoughts were so convoluted and crazy ... but I did not know this forum existed. I did not find this place until about six months later. By that time, my thoughts were more focused and settled.<P>Some of the new people are luckier than I was because they found this forum right away. They are venting those explosive feelings right here along side the rest of us who are still in pain, but much more seasoned. And for some, I guess, they are trying to be in control here because their lives and emotions are so out of control.<P>We made this forum what it was and by steering it back to the issues that are important in saving marriages after this awful disaster, we can keep or safe haven of support.<P>I sincerely hope that you will stick with it for a while and help us to offer you whatever it is you are needing at the moment. <P>I thank you from the bottom of my heart for recognizing me as one of your first friends, along with Catnip -- who holds such a special place in my heart. You can always e-mail me if you want to talk one on one at: rosepell@ivillage.com.<P>Knowing that you have found something useful in some of my posts, makes me really feel like I have made a contribution to this group. Think it over again. I would love to hear an update on what's been happening with you. <P>Love<BR>- heavenly

Dear Comfort:<P>Just when I feel as though I have evolved and made some progress, I find I can be just as petty and infantile as I was when I was a teen. <P>I admit anOW pushed my buttons and my vengeful dark side 'enjoyed' batting her around like a catnip mouse on a string. I am human and completely fallible and say and do stupid things when I should be heeding clear minded advice from forum members such as K.<P>For my own self serving purposes, I took an aggressive stance with anOW and enjoyed pummeling her as if she were my OW. I didn't do it for her benefit, really. I did it for myself. A meanstreak, if you will. It was uncharitable and childish...and after reading some of her responses, I was ashamed of myself because I realized that on some level she was troubled; but, her place is not here with us on this forum. She should take her troubles elsewhere.<P>As far as Ohbratti is concerned, I know we have made exceptions for her as we did for Duranie, not because they came to agree with us, but because they were open to other points of view. anOW is absolutely adamant about her situation and nothing any of us have to say will impact her at all. I think, Comfort, it's a little like watching a train wreck...we don't want to look at it, but we can't help it. We want to understand how the OW thinks in an effort to make sense out of what happened to us. We want some OW's to know the pain their actions have caused their Betrayed Spouse, perhaps.<P>I can't fathom all the reasons why we spend time with any of the OW's that come here except that everyone is welcome here and we cannot dictate who is OK and who is not. I keep hoping we will learn something from each other, too.<P>But, you're right, Comfort. Some of the 'newbies' have not received the attention they sorely need and absolutely deserve and I myself have been extremely remiss in reaching out because I've been caught up in the OW frenzy. I still maintain that anyone can post here even though another forum would better suit their needs. That being said, I have appreciated the insight I have personally received from Ohbratti and Duranie and wish them well. I wish them well because they mean no harm and have empathy for the Betrayed Spouse. They have a measure of understanding.<P>Sometimes things like this make me feel a little ashamed of myself that I got sucked into it and wonder what my motives were or if I am just some combative revenge freak that likes to get her licks in. I guess in that aspect, anOW served her purpose. And from the responses she received, we served hers. But, I don't think that our responses to anOW were for her as much as they were for us. We NEEDED to respond, we NEEDED to tell her off because we were telling off our OW's by proxy. It was a sick game, a weird exchange...you're right...just try to understand where we were at the time. <P>Oldtimer or Newbie, progress or not, sometimes maintaining dignity is tough to do when you've had a difficult week of triggers, discussions, issues, events, whatever is going on in our lives at any given time. <P>But, don't go away for 'this'. We aren't perfect here, we've all been through a lot and I guess we just needed to vent on anOW...bottom line. It's over now, and I promise (I shouldn't do this) that next time (and there will be a next time) that I will listen to K and not respond. <P>Someday, when I grow up, I want to be 'above' this sort of exchange...like I used to be. I miss the way I used to be.<P>Catnip =^^=

Comfort I agree w/you. I,for one will not respond or read another post like anow's.<P>Actually it made me afraid to post too much information on how I was feeling out of fear anow would delight in reading it!!!<P>As far as newbies...I usually wait for an "oldie" to answer. I feel helpless in some of the situations as oc isn't here yet and child support isn't here yet....<P>I do agree with you. I never want to answer an "outsider" again. It's the best way to tick someone off....no response!<P>So having said that I hope you don't leave!!!!<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Comfort41,<BR>Please, please, please, do not leave because of anything I have said.<P>My intent when I responded to anow was not meant to provide her with anything as much as it was to provide me with something. And perhaps it was just "sharpening my claws" because I feel like I need practice because someday I intend to be very vocal publicly regarding this issue someday. The laws need changed - society needs changed. BUT you are right that this is not the forum for doing so and I will refrain from doing it again.<P>In cases like Ohbratti, though, I don't see any harm in assisting her in making things as comfortable as possible for the wife to visit oc. If visiting the oc is what the h and w have agreed upon, letting the ow know how to go about making the situation better for the w is helping the w more than anything. i wish somebody would guide "our" ow to behave more appropriately. It would make a world of difference to me.<P>Anyway, I am so sorry if I upset anybody. If you could see me now you would see my head down and my tail between my legs. Please don't leave. From now on I will spare you my efforts to "change the world".<P>With sincere apologies,<BR>-cd

Everyone One way I guess we could also look at this is maybe hearing from ow like that is a way of preparing us to deal with what we have to when the oc comes knocking on the door. It has made me realize that these kids heads will be full of crap by there mothers. I am a quick learner thou just the few doses we have had lately is enough learning for me.with love flowerseed

Comfort<P>please don't leave this form. i came here for support because i can't find this friendship any where else.<P>I think when we all see the letters ow it drives us into a blinding rage....<P>There are so many women out there going thru the same thing we are and don't have the support we do.<P>My father had two (twins) BY THE OW AND MY Parents didn't break up<P>My co workers father had 2 oc's and her father in law had several oc's along the same ages as his children with his wife!!!!!<P>Last weekend my sisterinlaw was wondering the same thing about her husband.<P>There are so many women who are clueless about what their h are capable of doing.<BR>A male single co worker was showing me the classified ads on the internet where married men are advertising for quick sex and single women are advertising for the same thing<P>What is our world coming to? Is there is such thing as fidelity any more??????<BR>