After all the advice last week, I was going to go to an attorney this week, but, I don't think that will be necessary now. I called to talk to my kids last night while they were with W, but they were too busy. W and I talked for about a hour and as far as she is concerned our marriage is over. Although she had already told me this, I told her that I would sign the divorce papers as long as she made me the custodial parent. She cried and said that she would not fight for them and that she didn't want the house or any of our possesions. I told her to get the papers drawn up this week so that we could go ahead and get this over with.<P>This is good too!! OC is getting out of the hospital tomorrow and W and OC are going to move in with OM in his hometown. What a happy family!! I asked W if she ever stopped to consider that OM was a womanizer who had already cheated once and maybe twice with his first two wives and if she thought she was someone special. I guess she doesn't think he would ever do something like that again!! I told her that there would never be anyone that would love her or care for her as much as I have. I told her that she will never be happy because she will always compare other men to me and chances are, no man will go to the trouble of fighting as hard as I have to make her happy. I wrote her a note this morning telling her that she was taking another detour off of the road of life and all it would lead to is heartache. She just sat there and cried. I told her that she broke my heart and she said she always thought that she would end up doing that. <BR>My BIL called me tonight and said that W had left him a message on answering machine about moving in with OM and he said that he was so pissed that he threw his phone through the wall!! He was going to call her and tell her how stupid she was, but I talked him into cooling off and to just save his breath. It is so hard to talk logically with someone who will rationalize everything. They have an answer to everything. I liked how Cat once put it..."leave her to heaven.."..and that's exactly what I'm going to do. God has given me the peace to know that I will be fine and I am so grateful for that. I told my W last night that I was excited about my future because I know that God will bless me for all I have tried to do to save my marriage. Bring it on!<BR>Floored

floored,<BR>I'm sad AND happy for you: sad your wife can't get her act together and do what is right, happy you will get closure and be allowed to grieve and move on from the enormous pain. <P>May God bless you and your kids, indeed!!<BR>J

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I told her that she will never be happy because she will always compare other men to me and chances are, no man will go to the trouble of fighting as hard as I have to make her happy. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Floored when and if the fog ever lifts this sentence will haunt her. It is a reality statement that will in some way affect her.<P>I wish you the strength to carry on in this hard time of your life.<P> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Floored,<BR>I am so sorry that your wife can't see past her own nose as to what she is doing to herself, much less what she is doing to you.<P>However, I think that it is a blessing that she is willing to sign the children, assets, etc. over to you without a fight. i think that you should definitely get this all in writing as soon as you can, before she changes her mind. I am still of the opinion that once reality kicks in, she could still change her mind about wanting the life with om. but even if she doesn't, I know that God has so much in store for you. I'll bet that He is busy right now thinking up ways that he can reward you for your loyalty and devotion.<P>good luck and i'll keep praying for you,<BR>cd

Floored, you have fought a good fight. There are few who could do what you have done. But at some point you do have to take action to best protect your children and their home. I know it would be best if their mother was part of that plan, but we just do not have that kind of power over other peoples minds do we? <P>Please make sure that YOU file papers against her for divorce. I just have a bad feeling that unless you take that step it may all backfire later on you. And make sure that your lawyer puts causal reason "adultery". Irreconcilable differences will not weigh strongly enough in your favor in a fight for the kids (if it comes to that). <P>Take care... Carolyn

Floored,<BR>My prayers are with you and know there is a candle lit asking the Lord to give you peace. <P>I am so saddened by your post. Your wife is in such a fog...visibility zero. She will regret this for the rest of her life and you are absolutely right there is a comfort and a closure knowing that you have done everything to make your marriage work.<P>God Bless you and your children floored

floored:<P>Your marriage is over because your **wife** says it is??? Since when has she been making any sense over the last 12 months or so? And you're going to listen to her now?<P>I'd say everything is going exactly according to plan. She's going to bring a needy child home and live with a selfish and needy man. You're exactly right in your assessment that this relationship has no chance to work out, and that it will leave her heartbroken.<P>So, are you willing to wait it out and be there to pick up the pieces?<P>If you have enough love left, I'd tell you continue in Plan B. You'll probably have to follow up with another letter (and knock off this constant contact). In addition, you definitely need to see a lawyer---I'm not sure that I would dissuade you from divorcing, especially if you can guarantee physical custody of your kids. But even if you do divorce her for that reason, I'd let her know after everything is signed that you still believe in the marriage, and are willing to wait for a while to be there for her.<P>My gut feeling is that if you stick this out, you will have an opportunity. But it will be work---and there are no guarantees. However, I'd be doing it for my kids sake, if I were you.<P>God bless.

Thank you friends for your kind words. K, I do still have love for my W and I did tell her that D didn't have to be final and that I would wait for her. This, of course, slid right off her back as usual but I did leave that option open. I opted for the divorce because I am scared to death that some liberal judge could take my kids from me no matter what my W did to me. I just couldn't take that risk.<P>I would love to be able to pick up the pieces and adopt OC, but I have to make sure that she is repentant for this terrible tragedy. I'm not sure how I can know that for sure, but I will be very hesitant if she just comes back out of not having any other place to go. I'll still be here for her when she comes out of the fog, as long as it doesn't take too long. I have no plans to do anything but take care of my precious children.<BR>Floored

Dear Sweet Floored:<P>Fate has led you to this point in your life and now the rest of your life is up to you. I am so relieved you are the one filing for divorce for the very reasons stated by takingare, cdcollins and K. From this point on, you must do absolutely everything in your power to protect your children, yourself and your assets and be extremely proactive in doing so. <P>I also agree with K that you must submit another Plan B letter and make it stick...absolutely NO CONTACT. In the Plan B letter, you must reiterate that this divorce is by no means the end of the relationship nor does it mean there is no hope for reconciliation and remarriage in the future should she come completely out of the fog, be completely recommitted and remorseful; and if it is not too late by then, and if you have not already moved on and found a new life or love for yourself, then the possible still exists for the two of you.<P>Floored, I am so relieved and so saddened by this turn of events because on one hand it is the finality of one phase of torment and the end of your dream. But it is opening the door for you to begin a new and exciting journey. Take time to get to know yourself and be good to yourself. Focus on you and the kids and let God handle the rest. <P>It is so tragic that this happened to you and your family, Floored. It is something none of us get through without many battle scars and a Pandora's Box filled with doubts and demons, but you can wear these scars with pride because you survived, you will prevail and you will be rewarded for your character, integrity, loyalty and devotion.<P>I feel so sorry for your wife that she will miss out on a lifetime of joy with you and your kids. A year from now, you may find her here on this site lamenting the many affairs her OM has committed against her. A tiger doesn't change it's stripes...neither does a skunk.<P>We all love you here, Floored, and are here for you.<P>Catnip =^^=

Dear floored,<P>You have received great advice from the others and I cannot add anything more. What I can add is my sincere support for your situation. You are experiencing great pain and we all understand that feeling. So please make sure that you do take care of YOU and that you concentrate on finding the small bits of happiness that can help you through this horrid situation.<P>Nothing you say to your wife is sinking in because she is so deeply entrenched in her fog and her fantasy. But I agree with the others that once reality sets in - the normal change in the "romantic" relationship that comes when a baby is added -- I also believe you may find her back at your door.<P>One thing I would advise and that is that you don't delay in setting forth the physical custody arrangements for the children -- so don't drag your feet too much. The legal system is peculiar on this point and the abandonment of a mother is viewed with far less severity than it ought to be.<P>You are always in my prayers, but particularly now, as you sort through the difficult issues ahead. I hope that one day soon, when your W realizes what a tragic error of judgement she has made that you will still have that love you are carrying now and will be able to re-connect your family, your lives and your love.<P>God bless you, floored. It may not feel like it at times, but I am sure He is watching over you.<P>love<BR>- heavenly

Cat and Heavenly,<BR>You both are so sweet and I appreciate all of you more than you know. I know that I spend way too much time on the computer especially on this site..I almost feel like a stalker..but in a good way. I want to help not hurt! <P>I keep telling myself that my W is in the fog and in a way, it's easy to dismiss all that she is doing because of her inability to discern reality from fantasy. I will be willing to take her back if she doesn't take too long. But like many of you, I don't think I can handle OM being a part of the equation. <P>I'm really not hurting right now, just relieved and anxious to finish the paperwork on the divorce to make custody final. After that, I'll be able to relax a little and concentrate more on improving myself more and moving on. <BR>Floored

Floored:<P>Just because things are winding down for you doesn't mean its time to move away from the forum, either. You will need the support and genuine affection you get here to get through the next six months anyway, so keep reading, lurking, posting, stalking (hahaha) until you don't feel the need to come here anymore, after what you have determined to be sufficient healing.<P>Besides, it's nice to have you around.<P>Catnip =^^=

Floored,<P>Well, I had put off responding to your post, because I just don't know what to say. I am both happy and sad for you at the same time. I am sad that your wife just can't see beyond this fog! I am sad that she is so willing to just let everything go! I am sad that she thinks this OM is such a better person for her! But, I am happy that you are so calm about what is happening. I pray that nothing gets messed up with you getting custody of the kids. That is my biggest fear for you right now. My H and I have been going through a lot of emotional things at this time, what with 2 weeks of sporatic contractions, and then the episode with his mother. I couldn't ask for a better man in my life, and still have trouble looking at myself in the mirror at times for what I have done to him and the kids! That's why I have such a hard time with what your wife has done and is doing to you and the kids, not to mention her family! It still makes me wonder if this OM has brainwashed your wife into thinking he is so much better for her. I just pray that everything works out for you, whether that includes a future with your W or not. I am sorry that I don't have more to say on the matter, as far as advice. I just don't know what else to say.<P>Tigger