Hello Everyone<BR>I was here last summer. Between taking care of my kids<BR>and this old computer (not to mention working hard on<BR>staying sane and rebuilding my marriage, life and <BR>beliefs) I have not had a chance to take comfort in this<BR>site. I didnt know my H very long before we married in<BR>98. I was so happy to finally be married and happy with<BR>our immediate family. I had a 3yr old son when we married.<BR>I was already pregnant and delivered a beautiful girl who<BR>looks just like my H. When she was 4 mos old we found out<BR>I was pregnant again. I remember my H face going white.<BR>I thought it was because of having another right away.<BR>When my little son was 7 wks old he had to tell me that<BR>just before he bought my engagement ring he had sex with<BR>this thing that had shown up at his shop. She wanted<BR>money now - another son. I felt like he kicked me in<BR>the stomach. Since that day 9 mos ago we have come along<BR>way but I always feel so hollow. This person was and is<BR>married with an older son and raising oc as thier own.<BR>She had been to see my H 3 times before he told me.<BR>I confronted her last summer w/ paternity papers and<BR>she decided it wasnt worth it. I agonized over knowing<BR>the truth for 6 mos before I called her to see what her<BR>intentions were. I was afraid of the future instead of<BR>looking forward to it with our children. My H is a <BR>wonderful dad and I love him dearly. This has been a<BR>nightmare but there are days I feel stronger. <BR>She expected my H to just give her money w/out a test.<BR>She told me several times how the child looked like<BR>my H. Never once did she say Im really sorry. I've made<BR>too many mistakes myself but Ive always been remorseful.<BR>I try not to repeat my mistakes - they cost too much. <BR>She actually said that I was "annoying" her and that she<BR>had a well adjusted happy little boy and he didnt need<BR>his life disrupted by us! While I am relieved she wants<BR>nothing from us "now" I dread people seeing my H in this<BR>little boy. My H prays the child is her H. He said if test<BR>proves positive then he'll pay. Otherwise he acts as if<BR>it isnt there , while I am living in the past wondering<BR>how can she be such a whore willing to do it in a dirty<BR>office and how can he be so stupid/blind. He thought I'd<BR>never find out about his last piece. I had seen this <BR>person and had thought no way would he "go there".<BR>I know my H regretted it. I want despartly to forgive <BR>him and stop obsessing on this. I feel that it is not<BR>over because she has demanded money several times and<BR>when her H leaves her she'll have to go thru courts.<BR>I think it's sad that she had the chance to raise <BR>the child as normal as possible and she chose instead<BR>to demand payment for having him. My H asked her to<BR>have an abortion when she ran back to him to tell him<BR>I am sorry this is rambling. It's hard to keep thoughts<BR>straight sometimes. It frightens me that we will have<BR>to deal with this and what it will do to our kids.<BR>I've thought long and hard about the oc. If its my H<BR>I wish we could just adopt and never see the mother <BR>again. I find it difficult to believe she should be<BR>given money when she has a husband already. I waste<BR>so much time having angry conversations in my head with<BR>her. Such an unproductive way to go thru life. <BR>I hope each and everyone one here knows that I'm<BR>thinking of you and sending best wishes your way.

Fluke,<BR>I am so sorry I missed your post. Wow, you brought tears to my eyes...I know how you feel. It seems like when the ow arent in your face u should be able to let it go doesnt it...thats how I feel and yet I cant. I still have the arguments in my head with her, which btw are somtimes kinda fun...hehe.<BR>My ow has been gone for almost a year and there is no contact. We dont give her money and I have never met her or oc. My H has never seen oc. I feel like I should be "lucky" for this reason, but it is hard to feel "lucky" about any aspect of this situation. I do know that oc is my H's bc I demanded a paternity test. And blood wasnt going to do for me...I wanted to do the DNA and I paid for it. I prayed for 2 weeks straight begging God not to let it be his, but that was not is Gods will.<BR>I still go through a lot of emotional baggage that I want desperately to get rid of but I seem stuck. How do we get over it? I dont know, but I do know how you feel and we can all work together to get thru these things.<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>broken_wings....Michelle

Dear Broken Wings,<P>Thanks for your reply. Thanks for understanding my fears.<BR>I know that in this horrible situation we are luckier <BR>than others. That just makes me feel worse for those<BR>who have to lose so much to these thoughtless people.<BR>In the end they too will have to pay the ultimate price<BR>for their choices. <BR>In the last conversation I had with the OP my last words<BR>were I cant imagine what kind of nightmare is in store for<BR>you.<P>I try to remember on my worst days that she is a misreable<BR>person who made one bad mistake after another and STILL<BR>does not recoginize or take responsibility for HER actions.<BR>She was entirely caught up in making sure my H paid for<BR>f***ing her and then not wanting anything to do with her.<BR>Even tho she's married she still thought it was appropriate<BR>to demand money but if he wanted joint custody then it<BR>wasnt worth it. Whe couldnt she just take the priceless<BR>gift she didnt deserve and go on with her life? Because<BR>she is immoral and corrupt. I told her in our eyes she<BR>is a common criminal. She said over and over its not the<BR>babys fault.<BR>Its so disturbing that someone like her is raising my<BR>H's child. I truly wish I never had to know. But I guess<BR>it was inevitable. If it were at all possible I would<BR>make her world worse but I have wasted the last nine<BR>mos thinking about her. My baby boy is now 101/2 mos old.<BR>I am so angry that since he was 7 wks old Ive obsessed over<BR>this instead of nuturing my innocent children.<BR>I am better but it never goes away. I am trying.<BR>Thank you for writing. Hope to talk again soon.<P>

Geeze Fluke, I just saw this.<BR>How awful!!!!<P>My brief bio is I've been married 27 yrs. Have a 21 yr.old son. Found out in Nov. 2000, confession. She and her H were our going out friends. Dinners and each others homes. They were both so good, I'd never have guessed. Saw each other once or twice a month then months went by and she began to threaten to tell me if H didn't continue...he did a time or two more then told her he didn't care if she told they were through... Bingo....she's pregnant from last encounter!<P>The thing that gets me is what they thought about when we all went out....It's the cruelest thing to think about their coldheartedness. The sneaking in front of me! I don't trust him or her so why would he think it's ok to go there to get C? Just because he says it's been over for a long, long time? Nope.....I won't agree. I only have a little dignity left as it is.<P>Each and every story here amazes me. Like almost all the H think alike, ya know?<P>Take care Fluke. I'm praying for all of us.<P>Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Fluke (and everybody),<BR>One of the best forms of therapy I have found so far was being in the chat room a couple of nights ago with Gabi and Not giving Up. I havent been able to get so much aggression out and recieve so much understanding in...well...ever! My H will listen to my go off about how he and ow hurt me and all it does is make him feel worse. H e still doesnt understand. It felt absolutely GREAT! I was laughing through my tears! Thank you to Gabi and NGU..I love yall dearly as I love everybody here. We have a certain kinship that no one else in the world seems to be able to understand.<BR>The day I first found marriagebuilders was a revelation. It just so happens something was wrong with the site during that couple of days and I wasnt able to registar and therefore couldnt respond. I just sat here reading everyone's post crying uncontrolably, bc finally SOMEONE WILL UNDERSTAND! It was torture not being able to respond. Here I found a group o fpeople who would not judge ME for staying with my H or for any of my reations, no matter how emotional.<BR>Anyway Fluke and everyone else, marriagebuilders is a God sent as far as Iam concerned and if I can help anyone here in any way it will be a blessing.<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>bw

Brokenwings I could not have said it better!!!!!!!!!!!!I too enjoyed the chat room the other night. Your whole last post has expressed exactly my same feelings about this forum, our situations, and the help and support I have been receiving here. I love all your guys who have been here for me in the short time I have been around. I am sending all of a hug. Words can not really express my thoughts for all I have read and been able to express. Since I have been involved in this forum I must say my wellbeing has improved, my marriage and relationship feels good to me, and our sex life is even getting better. Hugs and smiles to all hope to catch ya in the chat room. Peace and love, always, GABI 1116

I would LOVE to get in the chat room. How do I do that?<BR>Im fairly new to the computer scene so I'd appreiciate<BR>some help getting to the chat room. Thanks for thinking<BR>of me. Hope to talk to you soon!<BR>Late nights or early mornings are the only time I can<BR>get on the computer. Thats if my children decide to<BR>sleep!

Dear Fluke,<P>Zebrababy set up the chat room and she sent me an email so I just clicked on marriagebuilders chat and it took me straight there. Email me if you'd like and I will forward it to you. saderangel@hotmail.com<BR>Love and prayers<BR>bw<BR>Hope to see u there!