I have never posted to this board because I clearly don't belong here. I read other MB boards and inadevertently stubled on to this one. I kept reading because (to my amazement) I was learning a lot. I am sorry you have had so many problems with unwanted visitors. Just thought you might want to know how much I have learnt:<P>1. I suppose I always knew that men's reproductive rights are often violated, I had never fully understood its tragic consequences.<P>2. I might well have written as an advocate of the welfare of the innocent child (OC) if I had not learnt to understand the tragic consequences for the family and children of marriage. I never fully understood our child support laws until reading this board.<P>3. I have begun to empathize with untold pain and suffering in the lives of the people who post on this board and learnt to respect their determination and hard work in overcoming it. I pray to god that I never have to share your situation but if I could face the difficulties in my life with the kind of grace you show, I will be proud of my self. I am particularly struck by the grit shown by catnip & cdcollins and wisdome and sensitivity of Heavenly and Obratti. ISB, Gemini, I am really sorry for the pain you are going through. <P>4. I am also beginning to understand the importance of a support forum like this for issues that one simply can not discuss with people around one. <P>5. Most importantly, your posts are likely to make some people engaged in/contemplating affairs recognize the tragic consequences of their thoughtlessness and selfcenteredness. <P>Please don't let the intruders and lurkers scare you away. Even we learn a lot! <P>Katie<BR>

Katie,<P>I too am a lurker and couldn't have said it better. <P>I too am confused about the cs system, if a couple divorce and the man remarries and starts another family, the courts say the first born children always come first, the second family gets a little of whats left. I know oc aren't second family but why are the ow/oc allowed to take food from the first born children then? It seems as if all the sudden the courts don't care that there are four other mouths to feed that came before oc.<P>My dh has a daughter from previous marriage, his exw must get her support, the courts don't care if we have a child that needs fed now a days, they tell us, the first born children MUST come first. Therefore no break on cs. I just don't understand there way of thinking on this issue. The children of the marriage should be considered first and foremost according to there own rules and regulations. I think someone should start looking into a federal lawsuit of some sort, this seems to be some kind of discrimination and the courts are not following there own guidelines.<P>Ohbratti, I commend you for doing things the way you did. You handled yourself with much class and dignity. So glad you are not like these ow that we read about on this site. Your son has a good mommy. I hope you don't take offense to what I said above regarding ow/oc. Your different.<P>All you ladies and gentlemen have my upmost respect. Keep up the good fight.<P>Melissa

Thank you for your thoughts, Kate and Melissa. I agree-this site teaches much, and I think I hope prevents other people from being put into this position, especially those of us who are on receiving end of it. It is an awfully miserably place to be, totally unfair, but amazingly these women are gritty and tough and do get through it. I am proud of all of you!

Katie and Mellisa, <BR>Thank you both for your pleasant and kind posts. It was very refreshing to read something positive and caring, directed at all of us. We have all been under so much attack lately. I have been confused for sometime as to why the cs laws are the way they are, my family has suffered alot lately. I did find a organization in my state that helps families that are behind in rent or mortage. They will only give one month, but it was enough to help us out of the forclosure and we are on the upward climb now and things are looking a lot better. My h had undergone serious surgery and was temporarily unable to work, being that he had his own business we had no disibility from government to collect. We were also able to get the cs temporally stopped, although the ow fought it and even tried to get the little visitation my h has stopped, because she said if he could not pay he did not deserve to see the oc, how sick, and luckily the judge saw how sick and said no to her. Well, I have gotten off the track, just wanted to say thanks for your thoughtful posts and we will hang in there and stay and help each other as we have been, this recent past is just a minor set back and we will all soon be able to enjoy one anothers advise as always. Take care, Peace, Gabi1116

Thanks for your kindness, Katie-S.<P>I was feeling so sad this morning and your post made me feel a little better.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

So nice to hear that more good has come of our board despite the current crisis.<BR>Thank you.

Thank you for your kind words ladies. you are lik ea breath of fresh air on here lately. I dont need anyone to feed my fire and that is what these ill-intentioned lurkers have done. Like my H needs me to be any more angry than I already am...Thanks again.<P>Love<P>broken_wings<BR>

Thank you ladies, with love flowerseed

UP!!<P>This is wonderful and positive!!