Dear Gem,<P>I've been thinking about you and hoping you are<BR>getting by okay. Im glad to hear the meds seem<BR>to be taking the edge off. I just wanted you to<BR>know that you are in my thoughts as the time approaches.<P>I wish I had tons of good advice, or even a short<BR>story to tell you. But Ive been less than creative<BR>lately. <P>For what its worth, I say a prayer for you and for<BR>all the lovely women and men here each night.<P>Take care, love, fluke

Just wanted to bring this message up and let you know a prayer is said every night in my house for you too.

Gem,<BR>You are never very far away in my thoughts either. Hey do ya think all our helpers could come up with a recipe for flowersex. he he he he that could be quit interesting. I kept cracking up yesterday every time I would start thinking about that goof up. My little one kept saying whats you laughing about mommy. with love flowerseed

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>flowersex<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm still laughing about that!<P>Fluke,Leelee,Flowerseed,<P>Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.<BR>I saw my attorney and he suggests to wait and see if baby is H's......hmmmmm...another month or two?<P>He said much more including how if it is H's he should pay and close the door on that part of his life.<P>I got home Wednesday and found a "love letter " from H wrapped around pay check.<BR>Besides him saying his allegience was to me he said he LOVED me and will be the best H, misses me too. He said he made a decision he thought I'd like to hear. <P>While my heart pounded I knew I had something to say first.<BR>I wrote him a letter saying I missed him and loved him.<P>I also said I was not being honest about a relationship w/C.<BR>It would be like the affair in my face the rest of my life.<BR>It would mean having her in our lives(OW) through the child.<BR>It is simply too much for me to put up with.<P>I told him to tell me his HONEST feelings.<BR>I can take it no matter what.<P>I also said I will wait until C is born and BLOOD paternity is taken,attorney advised Blood Paternity Test.<BR>Just in case it's not his....<P>Well I dropped it off in his office mail slot and he should be reading it today.<P>We'll see what's up soon enough, I just had to search my heart. I know I was willing to put up w/anything just to keep my marriage. I cannot sacrifice my peace of mind for a relationship w/C. It would be constant pain.<P>May God take this problem from me today and take care of things the way He sees fit.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Gem,<P>You know how I feel about your situation. I just wanted to remind you that I am also praying for you every single day.<P>You are a wonderful person who is really in touch with who she is and what she wants. You deserve the best, whatever you decide.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

gemini, I think first off and always, you have to be true to yourself. I am so glad you wrote to your husband that you loved him and missed him, and 2, that you cannot accept OC into your life.As you know, you and I share much in our stories and lives. I too feel OC will always be a painful reminder of a life my H created away from me. I cannot accept child. I live with the daily reminder that we pay a lot of Cs and all that child is taking away from us. That is painful enough. I also live with knowledge, confirmed today in therapy, that H cares what happens to OW and OC-not so much love for OW as cares for her and does not want her to live somewhere awful for OC- I said not to worry, if she does she will just be after us for more money. That hurts a lot. But I will not live with my H having a life with OC, with or without me. I too had mild thoughts of letting him do that without me, thinking I could handle it and I loved him enough to do that. AFter weeks of pain, I realized just the thouhgt of doing that was destroying my very self- and as I wrote to my H, I love him greatly, but it is so damaging to me, that it was destroying me, and when I am destroyed, I was no good to him or our children, and I could not abide that. I had limits what I could accept-the affair, his lies, the deceit,the existence of the child, the fact the OW has been in our home, the CS payments, the breaking down of our vows, etc-but I cannot accept OC into life.?That is my limit, so I am right with you. I hope your H now seems to realize the love he has for you and will accept your no contact. I will pray for you. I hope so. Keep us posted.

Hey ISB, Heavenly,Fluke, Flowersex,and Leelee,<P>He wrote back. Called me his one and only. Said moving is not out of the question. Said he does not want her. Does want me. His heart is shredded to pieces. It takes everything within him to get through each day. Wishes he could hold me and talk to me. Will love me forever.<P>Not one mention of C. It tells me he thinks,still,he can do both.<P>Again I wrote back and said C=A. With him sleeping w/married slut he gets C. By his unfaithfulness he gets C. I will always see C as part of ow. Not a part of me at all.<BR>If he pursues visitation we will be over.<P>Aroud 6 pm the phone rang. It was H playing a love song to me....10 minutes later he called and apologized and said it was childish. I remained cool. Told him it was ok just forget about it. Then I drove to his office and dropped off the letter.<P>I miss the hell out of him. I really wish I had a different mind set. Oh well....we'll see....<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hey Gem,<P>I've been outta the loop, kinda lurking, kinda not. But i wanted you to know I'm praying for resolution for you.<P>I would hate to see you loose your true love. That would be the ultimate tragedy.<P>Stay strong sweetie. I pray for resolve.<P>That word resolve made me think of something funny. My H is a courier. And whenever they have problems like bad address or customer's package isn't ready at pickup time and driver is waiting (not making money while waiting) they call a special hotline called "resolve" and they tell them what to do. <P>Wouldn't it be nice if we had a "resolve" line for our lives that would tell us exactly what to do to make it all better! Wishful thinking.<P>Lots of love sweetie.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wouldn't it be nice if we had a "resolve" line for our lives that would tell us exactly what to do to make it all better! Wishful thinking.<P>Lots of love sweetie.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes Zebrababy...that would be great! Lots of love back at you. I thought I was the only nut who got up this early! <P>Debi<P><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi Gem,<P>How sweet of your H to play the love song for you.<BR>I just wanted to check in to say have a nice<BR>weekend. You are so strong and Im sending my <BR>best wishes your way.<P>The resolve hotline, now that's a great idea!<P>Take care, love, fluke

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You are so strong <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Fluke I'm either strong or bullheaded....depends on who ya ask!<BR>You have a great weekend too. <P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....