Hi everyone. Just writing to say hi, and to update you on life as it is now. My last day at work was on Friday. I am job hunting, but it is hard with my school schedule to find something where I can get in 40 hours, and still make close to what I made before. The child support just started 2 weeks ago, and that has taken a big blow to our budget. I was going to be able to only work part time, but now I will be working full time through all my next 2 1/2 years of school. I just keep telling myself it is only 2 1/2 years of full time school and full time work. i did it before, but i was single, and 18! had lots of energy then. <P>my H is still working out of town. we see eachother about every other weekend. makes it tough, but we talk daily on the phone. not too great for the phone bill, but i would go nuts if we didn't talk for at least a couple of minutes everyday. once i start work and school, it will make the time seem not so slow.<P>my thryoid problem is doing better. except that once i started feeling better i have gotten lazy with taking the thryoid replacement hormones. so i am back to being tired again and feeling sluggish. i am starting again tomorrow, and will try to find a way to remember to take it everyday. i was terrible with birth control pills, that is why i got the norplant! too bad they don't have a thyroid hormone patch or insert like things for people like me. <P>we have decided that we aren't going to work our butts off to try to settle with OW on the arrears. we are going to save the money ourselves to buy a house when i finish nursing school, and have worked for awhile as a nurse. why should we bust our butts off to give her a huge lump sum?? i would rather pay it slowly, and make sure we never get behind. in 14 years or so when support stops, we can send the same amount to pay off the arrears. but she isn't gonna get some huge lump sum. why reward her for waiting till the child was 3 to file? or for sleeping with a married man? <P>i know the arrears will hurt us financially, and our credit. but i think i will be able to buy the house in my name with a big enough down payment, and good credit. what do ya'll think? i am not to smart on the finances stuff. would i be able to buy a house with good (not perfect) credit and like 20% for down payment??<P>so those are our plans. the arrears will be there, and we will pay them off every month forever. or at least until we can start making bigger payments when support obligation ends. i think we are okay as long as he NEVER gets behind.<P>i have rambled. thanks for listening. any suggestions? with the house or the arrears?<P>happy_girl

happygirl,<BR>I'm no financial genius but it sounds real good to me! I'm happy that you're saving for the house First! You deserve to chase your dreams too honey and I hope you get every one of them!!! The slut can wait.<P>Good for you! Hang in there!<BR>J

The House! Definately the house. You'd be crazy to give her a lump sum and put off your dreams.<P>Glad to read your update Happy_Girl.<P>Will H be out of town a long time?<P>Prayers to you....<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Happy Girl,<P>Sounds like a well thought out plan to me!<BR>Your H is incredibly lucky to have a wonderful<BR>wife like you. Take good care and remember to take<BR>your meds! I have several nursing friends and I <BR>know how smart they are, you are definately going<BR>to be top notch! <BR>Good luck with the job hunting...and sorry that you<BR>and your H have to be apart for now. You must miss<BR>him so much-but you must make up for it when you see<BR>him!!!Take care and thanks for emailing me, fluke

[QUOTE]Originally posted by happy_girl:<BR>[B]I think you are doing great. What state are you in? Some states handle arrears differently. Some will take any tax refunds you may get to pay arrears, others regularly report arrears to credit agencies. the arreas are not in your name though, are they? If they are not YOU should be able to buy a house your hubby may have a hard time. Do you own a home now? In my state they will take money from the sale of property to pay arrears. In PA though the spouse isn't part of the arrears unless it is joint property. Good luck with scholl keep thinking of the payoff as your rewards.

You sound like you are doing well and that is good. I could imagine how much you miss H. Hey... get one of those cell phones with unlimited long distance... that can be a short cut sometimes on phone bills.<P>I would definately put your needs first and pay lump sum later (or very slowly). She has been rewarded enough. It will be very possible to do things in your name only. And you can also list your H as a source of income without haveing to have him on credit application. I bought my first house when single and making about $28k a year. Make lot's of money on it when I fixed it up & sold it 2 years later. Bought the next one with H, but we assumed someone else's loan and used my money from first house to buy out their equity. Made lot's of money on that house and moved up to a much nice house when we moved the last time. Once again... using money from last house to make down payment on this one. I feel that my H and his ability to own a home has been financed by my efforts. I had first house and have been the one putting "elbow grease" into the first two houses, which allowed us to make big profits and move "on up". Buying something that needs work can be a big help... if you know how to do odds & ends (along with having the time). If you go that route, do it before having any kids! It does take up a lot of time, but can be very rewarding. We made over $50k on our last house, but we did live there 7 years and I put a LOT of work into it. But you can start small & grown if you pay attention to what you are doing.<P>You stay focused on you & your H and the JOINT goals you have. You are so blessed to be in a partnership. I long for that. Take care... Carolyn

Happy,<BR>Your plan sounds very good. I to cant see why it thing should get a reward for what she has done . There wont be any problem in you getting the house, I did it and my credit was messed up pretty bad from my ex. I was't married when I refineced this house had to get the morgage in my name only my ex was on the morgage and borrowed more money it was a little harder because of my credit but I did it. It has only took me 3 yrs and now it my credit rating is really good. When I just went in to get the money for the property we bought it was easy. I dont even have income now they just used my h. Hopefully things pick up more with my flowers and I start making more money things are slow to take off but I dont give up easily. Just have the attitude that you are doing the bank a favor for borrowing money from them cause you are thats how they make there money. Thats what I have always done and it has worked for me. Good luck on your schooling how wonderful that you are doing this I'm so proud of you for going after your dreams thats what we all have to do if we are going to make it. with love flowerseed

Hi Happy,<P>I have read your posts before, I am an RN..and I cant not imagine doing school, and working fulltime, and with kids...Not nursing school. Alot of the women here have done that "pretend separation" so as to not to have to pay as much to OC/OW... Happy if you want to be a nurse do not give up. Nursing school can be hell, I went to nursing school when I was younger, and I had already a BS in Business (hated the business world). It was tough, and I had no general ed nor prerequirements to take. Nursing instructors (some of them) can have a major CHIP on thier shoulders...IGNORE it..I watched them tell my some of my classmates, during introductions things like..."Oh you will drop out".."you will never make it"...like it was some sort of game...IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!!!!..move forward...it is all worth it in the end...esp now..there is a shortage and it is projected to get worse...you (if you specialize, like I did)..can make 37.00/hour..with benefits...so hang in there..if you need encouragement or if a professor gets in your face...let me know..I will keep on pushing you..because it was the best thing I EVER did..I love it...I love Being a nurse..and I was always pushed to go to medical school (was top in my class)..never ever even considered it...I am a SAHM now but I have not lost touch with my profession...I wish you the best...and I will be here for the swift kick you will be needing...cuz trust me...you have those moments that you want to turn and RUN!!!...all the best MC MiaBryan@hotmail.com

Hi Happy,<P>I have a couple of suggestions to you. Does your H have access to the internet while out of town. Such as a high speed connection. If he has DSL or Cable than he can use <A HREF="http://www.nettophone.com." TARGET=_blank>www.nettophone.com.</A> You can make free phone calls over the internet to a land line phone. That will be a cost saving area. If he does not have access do you have access to DSL or Cable? A 56K modem can not handle the bandwidth that well. Look into it.<P>As for nursing. They are desperate for nurses. Could you find a hospital that would be willing to help fund your education in lue of you signing a contract to work there for a couple of years. I had a friend do this for her masters. Look into it. I know most if not all hospitals have a huge shortage. <P>

Hey Happy,<P>I'm sorry that it took me a while to post to your update. I have been busy acting as a single mom, and getting our son ready for his trip. He left this morning at 5:30, so it is now just us girls(literally, the cat and dog are also girls ) Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am so happy for you and your hubby. I think your plan to just pay what you have to, and not give OW a lump sum is perfect. I hope that things go well for you in school, and with finding a job. Also, don't stop with the meds this time for your thyroid. We want you nice and healthy!<P>Well, I need to cut it short if I am to read all the other posts that I am behind on.<P>Love,<P>Tigger

jenny~ thanks for the support. the last comment was funny.<BR>i think we deserve to have our life and dreams too. <P>gemini~ i say we go for the house too! glad you agree. H has been working out of town since january, no telling yet when he will be back home. but we are hanging in there. absence makes the heart (and hormones!) grow fonder. <P>fluke~ i have always wanted to be a nurse. have been a medical assistant for the past 6 years, taking my pre-reqs very slowly P/T. now i will go for it full time. i want to be done! so we can work on babies!!! i do miss H, but we talk everyday, even if only for a couple of minutes. <P>whatif?~ i think they will take his tax refunds, which is fine. he never gets much anyway, but it will help a little. i just don't want to spend the next couple of years saving to pay HER off. we don't have a house now. it will be our first. arrears aren't in my name, just his. thanks for the info!<P>takingcare~ we are definitely buying a fixer-upper. my H is a carpenter/framer and my dad is an electrician. they both do all the other stuff and can help eachother! so we will be looking for a nice old house on some land. i hate the city! i just hope that with my credit and my salary then, and a big down payment that we can do it. we have been thinking of the cell thing, but locked into contracts with current, and no long distance. i am glad you still hang out here. you are still one of us. <P>flowerseed~ thanks for the info! i feel more positive about it all now. and i know we all deserve to follow our dreams. i have always been a dreamer!<P>mycross~ thanks for the encouragement from a fellow nurse. lyntonG is a nurse anesthetist, what did you specialize in? i love peds, but not sure yet. worked as a med [censored]'t for the past 6 years. 3 in peds, 3 in surgery. i miss peds. would like to go back someday for masters. not sure though, will be deciding i am sure when i do my clinical rotations.<BR>i am not scared of those instructors. i am pretty smart, and i always read up on new things that cross my way at work or in life. i even subscribe to RN. just enjoy that stuff. my doc told me to go to med school. i told him NO WAY! i have seen the way doc's are treated these days. LOL. i won't give up. this is my dream and i can't wait to finish school. it will be a long 2 1/2 years, but i will make it. my H is behind me 100% and that helps so much. thanks again!<P>Pahakissa1~ H doesn't even LIKE computers. he hates them. LOL. thanks for the info though! i do get phone cards from bigzoo.com sometimes. pretty cheap. my classes aren't that expensive, i don't mind paying as i go. but i have to work because the child support takes so much from our income. i may have to work at the hospital and have them pay, but i am trying not to just yet. thanks for the info!<P>tigger~ i know you are busy! you have a new baby along with the rest of your family to take care of! the votes are in! i am going for US! not the OW. she can get her money slowly over the next hundred years for all i care. once we take care of US, then we will worry about paying down those arrears.<P>thanks everyone!!<P>happy_girl<P><BR>

Hi Happy Girl<P>It's me again. Thanks for the e-mail. I responded. I also want to thank you for your post on my question about advice. Four years is AWESOME. God bless you and your marriage.<P>ivc