WS...I just read your "care" thread and I having nothing to add, cause Deb and Kat are incredible at support! But I needed to give you a ((((hug)))). Someday, someday you will feel whole again.<P>Thanks for asking how I am. H and I are doing very well. We are four months past the affair. Counseling helped and the book "After the Affiar" has been our bible. That book was what enabled H to understand my pain and hurt and devastation. Also, Harley's Emotional Needs Questionaire helped us see where we went wrong. We now have our needs posted in places we can see them every day and we remind each other of those needs.<P>The roller coaster ride is over and the freight train that kept running me down out of the blue has pulled out of the station for the last time...I hope! I don't need to change the images in my mind anymore either.<P>Somehow, someway I finally began to see the big picture here. We both contributed to the problems in the marriage. He is completely responsible for the affair and says he will spend a lifetime making that up to me. Trust continues to build and forgiveness gets deeper. <P>I still getting fleeting senses of hurt when I remember. Mentions of AZ (where the affair took place), Oklahoma (where she lives and where we used to live) and little things like a "Leeza" show promo (her name is Leeza, but in my mind it's Sleeza...oops sorry!) cause a bit of sadness but not the incredible hurt like before. H has been so good at recognizing when I have encountered a trigger and doesn't avoid me but asks me to talk and I usually do.<P>He realized that he gave to her all he wanted to give to me. But we had drifted, he into work and I into my daughter, my pregnancy and my community work and friends. Once we began working on the marriage and he could give to me again the OW left the picture, his thoughts and his heart. He did have some withdrawl and that was hard for me. <P>Today we are open to each other, we touch, laugh and 100% committed to each other and this marriage. Our daughters (baby Sophie was born 6/18) are such a joy to us. We realized that we had put our children ahead of our marriage and that was wrong. Now we try to carve out as much time as possible for just us. We have even had a date...not easy to do when you breastfeed!!<P>I feel lucky. There are stories here that just break my heart and there are people here that I know are way stronger than I could ever imagine to be. I am in awe of you.<P>This place saved my sanity more than once. I never have been a prolific posted but I have read perhaps 90% of this bb since I signed up. Many of you are like friends to me in my heart. I hope you keep trying, know when to move on and find serenity and peace in this time of turmoil and darkness. I found light at the end of my tunnel. I hope you all do too.<P>------------------<BR>Joan

Joan,<P>I love stories like these! Thank you for giving us hope.<P>TryingAgain<BR>

Joan - <P>I am so happy for you! I too have read about 90% of the posts since I started lurking in mid July. I only recently started posting myself.<P>I constantly pray that I someday will experience what you are now experiencing. My W is living with the OM (he's married, rich, 4 kids, foreign, his W lives in Germany, he won't divorce her...apparently my W would be content to be his mistress?) We don't have any kids ourselves; I understand that children sometimes a magnet that can jar a wayward spouse back to reality. K stated that the my W is just a piece of meat to the OM. He was convinced that OM has other mistresses etc.<P>I hope you can stay on the forum for awhile. For those of us who are still in the darkest pits, its pleasant, albeit temporary to live vicariously in your joy. Please share with me how you made it through.

Joanie, I'm so glad you're finally there!<BR>I wonder if you , like me and many others, find now that your marriage is becoming stronger that what it was even before the affair?<BR>Thanks for posting the good news. I love posts like these!<BR>A big kiss to the little one.<BR>And my wish that things will keep getting better and better in your marriage.<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<BR>P.s. feeling a bit sad sometimes with triggers related to the affair or the op is normal. There will always be some that affect you that way. Bu I guess it's not that bad in the end. it will just helps us realize how much things changed since them, and to appreciate what we have now <BR>Big hug<BR>Kat<p>[This message has been edited by Kat1 (edited September 06, 1999).]

Joanie<BR>How wonderful!!!!!<BR>I think of you often! Please keep updating us. You are a friend and it is so good to hear good things happening to a friend!!<BR>Give your H a pat on the back for me okay.<BR>So wonderful that he is willing to learn with you!!!!<BR>If you don't mind I may have my H read your story. He is not very cooperative sometimes but I like him to see that others can succeed.<BR>Keep in touch!

TA...you're welcome.<P>Shattered...I've read your story and it breaks my heart. I don't know what I would have done if my H had left me, 8 months pregnant and devastated. I used prayer, this forum, two dear, trusted friends to lean on and counseling. I read everything I could get my hands on. I didn't practice plan A by the book. I tried not to lovebust, but I did put my foot down on a few things. I demanded no contact and though H initially lied about this, as that ALL do, he finally came to see that there was no other choice. When I caught him in his final lie (I found email from them) I gave him an ultimatum, end it or I will take your daughter and leave. I don't reccomend this for eveyone's situation, but for mine it was neccessary.<P>Time and tears got me through the rest. I pray for you and your wife.<P>------------------<BR>Joan

Kat...We both do feel our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. These last few months have taught us so much about each other and we have delved deep into the relationship, revealing more to one another than we ever had before. I see him through different eyes now, eyes that are clear and not rosey.<P>WS...Please feel free to share my story with your H. And thanks for getting be back to posting...I've been so busy with Sophie and now Hannah starting preschool (gulp!) that all I do is read and rarely post.<P>------------------<BR>Joan