<BR>Update,<P>I was feeling very frustrated yesterday because H keeps saying OW was just a friend. We had a two hour marriage counseling appt today (5th one) H admitted that she was his addiction. When I posted yesterday about wanting to contact OW, H said that would cause contact for him and I shouldn't tempt him with his "addiction." Uggghhhh!!!!<P>Counselor said it was a breakthru in H's denial, that calling her an addiction admits that they were a lot more than just friends, and that I should be happy with that. What???? That she was his source of comfort, blah, blah,blah<P>Counselor also said it was obvious OW wanted more from H because of her voice mail stating "I think about you all the time" and that she wanted to talk to him. So counselor had my H write a note telling OW that he got her voice mail but that he was not ready to talk to her yet. Counselor says that there will be contact again because she is pregnant, and that the note will buy us some time until H and I can figure out how to deal with her. I fear that the note will only cause her to contact H. But we'll see.....<P>I said at the end of the appt I was afraid H was angry and just wants to leave me, so the counselor asked him. H stated that he was tempted, he was feeling pushed away by my anger and frustration, so I started crying saying I didn't want to push him away, it's just that I feel so crazy, and I feel like I'm dying inside. I just don't know how I'm going to get beyond all this. It hurts like hel* I just want back the person that I thought I married, I don't want another woman and "step-child" in my life. H says I'm bringing all this pain upon myself, I screamed, NO YOU DID THIS TO ME!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!<P>Thanks for letting me vent, again, please send prayers....

Mojo wrote:<P>> H says I'm bringing all this pain upon myself<P>I am sorry that he said that. It's just flat-out-denial on his part. When I went to the psychiatric hospital 6 weeks after Dday my H said "You aren't in here because I had an affair. You are here because you are ill." Well, yes I was mentally ill-I was depressed with plenty of good reason. It was also the best decision I ever made in my life to check myself into that hospital. Just wish that I had first carefully chosen the one with mud baths, massages and herbal teas. Our WSs would love for this to be anyone else's fault. Well, a couple of weeks later he apologized (without my asking) and said inside he felt so guilty and so responsible that he had done something so awful that his wife wanted to kill herself. Now he says I had a perfectly normal and understandable response to a horrible situation that he caused.<P>On the other hand, I am careful not to tell him that he is responsible for how I feel. I reserve the right to make up my own mind about what my feelings will be. I won't give him that power of being in charge of my emotions. That's my job and my privilege.<P>MJ<BR>

Mojo,<BR>I'm so sorry for your pain. Your H is still in denial of what he has done. That would make me nuts too. Have you tried asking him how he might feel if YOU had taken on a lover outside your marriage? Would he look at a book like "After the Affair"? Guys with this attitude really floor me! I'm sorry I have more advice, not having had to deal with a spouse who won't take responsibility. A for effort...<P>Prayers and angel wings,<BR>J