Hi guys,<BR>think about you all the time, and I do come and read. I have just been in over my head since school let out.<BR>I took the kids to our vacation home, for a few days (Hubby) went too. we had a nice time. I dont have to plan A, I guess I am kinda plan b ing it (cuz I am so mad). I feel somewhat empowered, cuz my H will NEVER have it like he did before...I very trusting devoted wife..never happen.<BR>he is sad about that, and so am I. BUT he created it. I told him he could divorce, but he does not want that. I know alot of that has to do with OUR assets...we have been very blessed financially, and we live a large lifestyle, he likes that much more than I...because of it (the money thing) H gets hit on all the time..yes they know he is married w/kids...but I am in CA (LA) and trust me there are NO morals here..in fact my H is a great catch (even though he is MARRIED)...and he likes that attention. WELL I showed him a thing a two.. I get hit on too...even with the wedding rock I wear...morals are just as bad for the men... I had him follow me, and just watch...shocked him...but I am not bad looking (friends call me "barbie")..I look the way the OW is suppose to look, by stereo type...but heck we did that poll...and it was 97% bow wows for the OW...so what is this man thinking??? did the ultimate torcher...made him sell his "[censored] mobile" the extra sports car taking up garage space...that really hurt, he loved that thing.... so things have been OK.. I have a difficult time, with everything that took place, and have been in counseling. I am getting better (less angry...sort of) I am taking measures to establish residency in our vacation home state (it is still a fault state) told H if he EVER EVEN LOOKED CROSS EYED at OW..I would file D there.. I would NEVER have to work again...neither would my kids. and he knows he would be starting over and at his age..that would be difficult...I will use what I can..in CA.. your H can screw the OW in front of the judge, and it is still 50/50...forget that!!...If he cheats again it will be 97/3...so there!!..we have had the other house for 6 years, and it is in a private residential area, of a resort...so I now have a drivers license, and a bank acct..and utilities in my name...I know that seems mean, BUT we do what works with our H's, I never want to go through any of this again. And I will protect my heart anyway I can. and if is through our bank acct SO BE IT!!!...besides I will never let any OW just walk into what I have had to endure with H to accuire our assets...this belongs to my children, and no bimbo will be in my shoes...unless she wants to start from sratch with H, and endure what I have for the last 20 years (married 17)...and trust me..it will be like that. well the grass is never greener on the other side. trust me. My sister used to be jelous of me, until she saw what I went through, and what money did to people (H)... all I ever wanted in my life was to be happy, and in love. instead I ended up marrying a workaholic, control freak. all he cared about was what was in the bank and what we could buy...he never got excited when the kids learned to walk, talk, or when they hit their first home run...my H has missed out on what is really important in life..he only cared what people thought of him and that meant what he had (in his mind)...well I have alot of issues with him now ..not just the A. we have a new baby (16 months) and he is taking more of an interest..which is good. But do you guys know that he had NEVER with three kids even changed one diaper...he is getting better...and he is realizing people dont care about what he has, but who he is...but it has taken a long time..and it is still one step forward 2 back...so anyway... I am dealing with issues that lead to the A, which I feel is self esteem ..but that is for H to figure out. Thank for listening, I have hesatated posting this before I know alot of people struggle financally, but I wanted you to know that even though thats seems to be the focus, as soon as that focus is elimanted the other issues hit you up side the head..I think we tend to focus on what is most important at the time. As far as that stupid BIMBO extortionist. she contacted her lawyer finally, dont know what the plan is, I am staying out of it. It burns me up to much. if you recall H's lawyers want to let it go..could be bad for H's business. I want her to pay back the money, and I think she should spend some time in the slammer...not gonna happen. Boy can our H's pick them or what???...hope I didnt upset anyone that was not my intent, these are very serious issues I have had to deal with, and even though I know I would be OK financially if I left H...that is not what I want..I have a long history with him and have worked very hard for a relationship that was to be for a life time...we have a good family. all the same reasons you all are here...anyway good luck to you all...Take care...<P>PS that psyco B**** that is harrassing ISB...needs to get the heck out of here...cant they stop her from posting??? this has been really irritating me...MC

Hi MC,<P>Wow, your story is an eye opener. You are a strong and determined woman yet has care and compassion. I like that. <P>Thank you for your support. I have found the information beneficial. I noticed that we both hale from the same state. So you info to me about the options for OW are great to keep in the back of my mind. I would like to see what else she is going to try to pull over us. H is very gullible when it comes to whatever she says, so I really appreciate your support. <P>I will be posting to my thread after I find out what happened today. I am still at work and H is home with our son. <P>I just can't thank you enough. <P>Mahalo,<BR>L.<BR>

Hey there MyCross!! Glad to hear you are still around and kicking. You didnt depress me. I learned the money lesson without having to be rich. Although I think learning it while being rich would have been more fun...lol. I am trying to go back to school full time so I can finally get my degree. Then we wont have to worry so much about finances. We will never be rich in our bank accts but we are rich in our souls...and this is coming from someone who has over 2000 $ worth of bills to pay on a 1200$ paycheck. Yippee!! We are becoming experts at this so I am sure we will figure out something. My only fear is not being able to continue school. I can not get financial aide since I am not on government assistence...isnt that a crock! Anyways, H used to be all about material possessions..we have no money but his parents do and that is how they show their "love". H is getting a lot better now though.<BR>Anyway didnt mean torun off at the keyboard..hey! I thought about you the other day in church. I forget now exactly what it was, but something was said about the crosses we bear and the cross Jesus had to bear. If I remember exactly what it was Ill let you know. Still so glad for you, but I think I would want to take ow through the ringer also. If he was so worried about his precious rep he shouldnt have laid with anyone else. That is how I felt anyway except. I didnt care about H's rep. I am better now also though..except for this rambling thing today...lol.<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>bw

Hey My Cross -<P> I hate to sound like a broken record but I really think you and your husband (if you can get him to)should read the book "Passionate Marraiage" by David Schnarch (sp?). I have read many, many relationship books over the past year. this was recommended by my son's therapist. It is really significant for couples who are in their middle years (I am 42) and have been married quite a while. It is a little hard to plow through and at first glance it seems to be mostly related to sex. But it is really about how the dynamics in a relationship evolve and how your childhood dynamics effect them. It attempts to work through what the author calls " emotional gridlock" where many couples can find themselves. Without the tools to work through these difficulties; affairs, divorce etc. become the solution. If anything does save my marriage (besides my Husband WAKING up!!) it will be this book and the therapist that we are using who really follows these principles. If money is no object (and it sounds like it isn't) the author does run a clinic in Colorado.<BR> No, I am not the publicist for the author but a lot of it rings true!!! Good Luck with everything. Hang in there.<BR> Kris

Thanks Kris,<BR>I will call Barnes an Noble today. I will read it and I will see if H will too. I was really mad at him yesterday...even threaten the big D, I just have no trust for him. and it angers me. But thanks again to everyone for all your support. I have always been the "together" person. even my friends are freaked out that I cant deal with their problems right now, I dont tell much...just come here and let it all hang out..Thanks again. MC

Hi My Cross,<P>I understand that even though you were blessed<BR>with a negative dna test, the affair still happened<BR>and left you reeling. Now that you dont have that<BR>extortionist at your door, you can focus on what<BR>and why. <BR>My dad never changed a diaper in his life and there<BR>were 6 kids in my family. At least your H realizes <BR>what he has missed and can make the most of here and now.<BR>My H is a first rate diaper changer, among other things!<BR>Good luck in all you do. Love, fluke

MC... you are quite a lady. I know how it feels to have to protect yourself and income against these OW. My H is a VP with a fortune 500 company. OW thought he was a dream catch. She was mistaken. Anyway... with or without funds... this whole thing is a nightmare and sucks. I guess the paycheck draws in the OW, but at the same time it keeps you and your children from going hungry. Some folks face that, and I feel for them. I could not imagine that pain on top of the betrayal. <P>Thanks for posting this. It did me good to read it. Take care of you & the children... Carolyn