There was a something said by Regrets that has me puzzled <BR> (I am glad all your step children are healthy and you do not have to face the fear of losing these sweet little children out of your lives forever)<P> I have never considered the oc a step child to me this is a child that has a so called bio father because the dna could not rule him out as not being the father, that this man never wanted never had any say in this child being brought into the world.<BR> No way is this a step child just another child that has a dna test father that never wanted him and a slut for a mother that gets payed weekly for using her right to be able to reproduce. So sad for this child that this will be his history unless ow does something about it and finds someone that can be hers, and her sons father that isnt already taken and chooses to be so. <BR> I care for all children but if there is any problems with oc this is ow problem she made all the choices she will be held accountable not me never no way no how. <BR> There I feel much better with love flowerseed<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited July 13, 2001).]

Here is another twist on this. When I married my H he had a daughter. I accepted that fact & she was there prior to our marriage. <P>But now, let's say my H and I divorce and he has other children. Am I their step-parent? They would be half siblings to my sons. Is this not just about the same situation? I knwo it is all semantics... but somehow to me a step-child is someone that has preceeded your marriage & you know about them on the front end. Not someone who slips in through the manner we have been subjected to. <P>Carolyn

Takingcare,<BR> I couldnt agree with you more. I think this persons problem is attention she needs it bad and cant stand the fact the the om and his family wants no part of her. So she comes here to aim her smart as* comments at us.<BR> How could anybody think that any of us would be thankful for the oc that they have been brought into the world in such a way they there lives wll surly be hell. So how is that that they are healthy there minds wont be.<BR> This woman needs to be happy that her child has a her h that is willing to be childs daddy and get on with it. Alot of these kids dont have a father in there lives such as the oc in our case . This is the age of the dna daddys I do believe. She also needs to be thankful that this mans wife is decent to her cause the ow in my life wouldnt have got the time of day out of me. with love flowerseed<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited July 13, 2001).]

>>She also needs to be thankful that this mans wife is decent to her cause the ow in my life wouldnt have got the time of day out of me<<<P>Are you saying that if the OW needed medical history for OC, you wouldn't provide it?

She wouldnt be getting it from me the only history I would have available would be mine. I dont think that would do oc any good since I wasnt the one screwing her. If she needed it she would have to go find it herself. Thats one very good reason for not screwing somebody you know nothing about if you feel the med is that important. flowerseed

Although I do not like the "uncaring' comment that was stated I have to disagree with the step-parent issue. I LOVE being a stepparent and legally in ever sense of the word we are the stepparents. if the ow dies the oc will be turned over to my hubby and i, in this state that is law and even if women writes a will saying otherwise we will get child. at that point we could raise oc, which we would, or would could put oc up for adoption. I take oc places when we have oc and I can because i am oc stepparent. In this state once paternity is established the oc is intitled to all of DH's medical history so the ow never had to worry about that. In most states the oc is intitled to the info the ow just has to ask for it and the courts will order it. I respect those who don't want to be a stepparent but i for one am glad i am.

Hmmmm, very interesting....<BR>If you and your H get married and he had previous children you usually assume the role of the step-parent. You do things with child, pay child support, and most step-patents care for these children. I ahve a step-daughter I love very much and my daughter looks up to and adores her older sister.<BR>Oc on the other hand is not in our lives. My H is not her "father" therefore I am not her "step-mother", however, if oc was physically in our lives I would have to be invovled also...for me. Then H would be "father" and I would be "step-mother"....Because I CHOOSE to be.<BR>

Broken wings, I think you hit the nail on the head . Just because there is a child out there that couldnt be ruled out as my h being the father doesnt make me a step parent or him the kids dad. I cant ever see being thankful for anything to do with this mess other then meeting you wonderful people.<BR> I didnt mean to come off sounding like a b**** some of the comments this sweetie makes just gets my fur flying.<BR> I think you ladies that do what your doing are great and us that dont arent to shabby either.<BR> What got me going was that she thinks just because there are no med problems that everything is fine with these kids and its not that way. Doc can fix alot of the physical problems but the emotional damage that is put on alot of these kids may never be fixed.<BR>If the childs leg was broke and when they went back to mother dear the cast was ripped off over and over again the ow butt would be in jail. But the oc heart seems to go unnoticed by some of these haggs. How can anybody be thankful for a child to have to go through that and Thank God there are women like you ladies that are willing to help these poor kids. The comment about loseing them out of your lives forever gees you have to fight like he** just to be able to get them in your lives. Hello is anybody in there.<BR> I put some detangler on that nansty old fur its calmed down today. Gees come to think of it I lost site of the thing that got me going in the first place it was referring to the child as a step child isnt that what children are when there was a marriage oh well another day. with love flowerseed<P>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited July 14, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited July 14, 2001).]

Two years ago when we had to go to court in NY, our attorney was asking the judge how we would be able to conduct visitation with OC since the OW slapping me with a phony Order for Protection just because I wrote her a letter she didn't like.<P>Anyway, our attorney said, "Mr. Jones may request visitation, and Mrs. Jones, his wife and the child's stepmother, must pick the child up. How can they do this with an OFP against her?"<P>The Judge said, "She's not the child's stepmother!"<P>But, I am. I am the step mother to my husband's other two children (from his previous marriage), and if we were to have visitation, I would have insisted on being presented as it's stepmother as well. However, there will never be any contact so it is really a moot point, but if we did, I would be stepmother, but since we won't, I will NOT be stepmother.<P>I think the 'title' is only applicable if one is actively involved in OC life. And, I think this is the call of the BS...after all, she should at least get to have her say on at least one issue!<P>Just my opinion.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited July 15, 2001).]

Here here Mrs. Cat. (sorry I don't know how I got off on a tangent of changing your name to be more like mine. I'll try to control myself in the future. <P>I think you many of you made the distinction perfectly. If spouse and BS are involved in the OC's life, then the BS becomes a step-mother. If there is no involvement, no relationship, then there need be no title. If you are involved you must be called something (and no, bytch as we might be called by OW does not count. ; there must be some phrase that explains at least a little bit the relationship between you, the BS and the OC.<P>I usually just refer, in my circle of family and friends to the child by her first name OR as Mr. Job's daughter.<P>As she grows up, and if we are able to resume visitation because ex-OW has grown up and stopped trying to destroy our marriage, I hope to be the "Way-Cool Step-Mom." Wouldn't that just frost the ex-OW's cake? <BR>MJ