Yes you read that right. OW is taking my H to court to try and force visitation. I've read hundreds of threads on MB I don't think I've ever heard any one say their H was served with paper work and ordered to show up in court.<P>Sat morning my H and I were sleeping in late and discussing new situation w/ow showing up at his job. I thought with him seeing the baby would make him want to start the ball rolling on visitation. He was like he's not ready for it yet because he didn't want to hurt me or the kids by brining oc around and he also didn't want oc to sense she wasn't wanted in our house. I answered honestly and told him in the beginning it's going to hurt, but I hope I could stop looking at oc as the product of an affair and look at her as the cute little baby she is and eventually start to love her. I don't want him to regret his actions later on in life.<P>He was very remorseful and loving during this conversation all the kids were asleep so it was some quiet time for us. ;o) There's a knock at the door it's a Marshall serving him wiht paper work. I'm pissed of course and I'm like look if she's looking for more CS I'm going to file paperwork on Mon (to get a cs order for my children so she couldn't get any more money). He saw my reaction to paperwork and could hardly read it his hands were shaking. I took it from him and read paperwork and was like she's taking you to court sueing for visitation!!<P> I had no problem w/H having contact with oc but it was going to be on my terms. OW didn't want me around oc even had me falsly arrested in Mar. when H called to try and set up with visitation. His cell phone was in my name it came up on her caller-ID. After they hung up she called the cops and told them I was making harrassing phone calls, some over zealous cop arrested me. I don't have a crimnal record so why they didn't give me a chance to explain myself I don't know. Anyway back to the story can you beleive someone would be so pitiful and desperate to get a man who doesn't want them back into there lives. She obsessed with my H! what about having some pride? This woman has none at all.<P>When I filed for my divorce if my H and I didn't work out and he choose not to see his kids then screw him as long as he's paying CS it's his loss. My H has been paying cs since oc was 3 months old my doing I didn't want a lot of back "CS" owed. In our state you can get back support for 3 years of the childs life. <P>If any of you have gone through this please advise me what to expect we go to court next week. Won't it look a little strange me and my H still together and a woman (I'll be nice and call that) standing in front of a judge trying to explain she had a child by a married man and she's trying to force him to come to her home for visitation? I don't think she's using her head at all. The only thing she's going to get is what she didn't want and that's me around her child. Idiot she should have thought about her actions before she carried her plan out. <P>My H and I both agree that she only wants to get him in her house to try something. I don't want to push the weight area because I know it's a lot of W who have gained weight or are BB (big and beautiful) I was BB (about a size 14) one time but I lost a lot of weight and ow gained every pound plus 30 more since giving birth. My H can't believe he even delt with her like most men he thought w/his little head instead of his big head.<P>All of you who have gone to court please let me know what to expect. And do you think a lawyer is necessary? (since she's taking him to court) Please advise all.<P><BR>Thanks for letting me vent.<P>Unsure<BR>

GASP!!!!! Unsure will these women stop at nothing? To answer your question...get a lawyer. You should use a lawyer for any type of court including traffic court.<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

This may not be true in your state, but I have never heard of forced visitation anywhere. It must be some kind of civil order vs. being a criminal order or whatever. Compare the paperwork to the stuff they sent you for child support and see the differences. <P>I think she is just blowing smoke out her butt. You can sue or take people to court for anything, but if the judge will actually hear it is another thing. Make sure that you take all documentation of everything, especially when the skank had you arrested for harrassment. Hopefully she will be laughed out the courtroom, or even better, made to pay your lawyer fees.<P>

Our OW filed in court to set visitation, even though my H had already gone through mediator & set up CS payments and visitation. She felt she needed something "legal". God knows why. Anyway, all court did was set what they had done via mediation.<P>My brother also years ago had OW sue him for same reason. In her case she was claiming that my brother did not visit enough and she never got any relief and she needed to hire a babysitter to relieve her stress. So he got hit with "visit the child or pay more money". At that time my sister-in-law was undergoing chemotherapy & was on oxygen, etc. Basically she slept in a chair in their living room & house was turned into a medical unit. My brother tried to explain that it was bad for the OC to be around that & that he couldn't leave his W to visit OC. Court and OW didn't care. He got hit with "pay more money". So you never know what warped agendas will come out of all this. <P>Take care... Carolyn

I have heard of this it is not very common but i have heard of men having to pay more if they don't see child.

It never ceases to amaze me. Pay more because you don't see the child. Like the few hours most of these men actually spend with these children are worth money to these women. And then that a judge could in their right minds tell a man to spend time with a child or pay. Like that's even the slightest bit healthy for a child to be with a man who may not even want to be around it? Or maybe they just want that child to be involved with a family that feels resentment towards it. Nice healthy state of mind that child will have.<P>I thought the justice system was supposed to do what's best for the child. I can't see why having a man forced into visitation is healthy for a child.<P>It just baffles me.<P>Z.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

wow that's scarey. I should've known if courts can reduce support for seeing the kid more, they can increase support for seeing the kid less. Lord help us. <P>Unsure, at least the judge will see fit for visitation to be with BOTH H and you, not on XOW's terms. Prayers for your situation.<BR>J

I talked to a lawyer yesterday. He said H can't be forced to exercise his rights to visitation. My H is already paying the max "CS" he's a non custodial parent. If he had visitation our "CS" would go down. We are going to proceed to move forward with visitation and see how it works out. I know I can't go through what CD is going through. Even though the oc will be the one to suffer ow has to be reponsible and put her child first. <P>It's been a year and 4 month since H ended thing with her. 11 month sisnce D-day and she still doesn't wan't to let go. She's 31 older than me and H and she having her friends call H mom house asking her to come see oc. My MIL is a sweet woman her and my mom are best friends. We have a strong family bond between the two families. This devestated everyone. OW also called my MIL after she realized I was going to try an give H a second chance to tell her she was pregnant. MIL asked her if she knew he was a married man? She said yes, she stated she should have thought about that before getting involed don't call my house again. <P>Have any of you expeirenced ow family member stalking you and following you around as if you slept with their H. I'm not only dealing with ow, her Sister and her sis BF follow me around the supermarket, department store etc... Whenever they see me. I'm not afraid of them (I always give them a sweet smile) and I've talked to the police they basically said if they don't say anythig to me I can't do anything is this correct? <P>The funny thing about this is they are both around 40. I can't beleive adults well people who are suppose to be adult are behaveing this way. <P>Sorry about the rambling I needed to vent I've been keeping this in for a while. Well not talking to people who have gone through this also.<P>Thank you all for your prayers and support.<P>Unsure

Unsure,<BR>I'm so sorry for what your families are being put through. What a great MIL! I don't have any advice and hope you get more posts on this soon. These sound like terribly immature people.<P>Prayers,<BR>J

Jenny,<P>Thanks for replying again. And yes I'm dealing with a family of immature people. I only want to know one thing can anyone tell me what to expect in court? I know a lot of women have gone to court with their H. Do/ Should I go up when my H name is called? Will I have to talk to the judge? Will "OC" be there? If anyone can give me a little advise I would appreicate it.<P><BR>Unsure

Hi unsure,<BR>Go right along to court with your h. The worst that can happen is that they ask you to wait outside. I always go. for mediation, I was only allowed in for part of it, but for actual court, I sat right beside my h, and I actually did mostly all of the talking to the judge. Just be very confident and assertive. You're a class act - the ow's family is not - and I'm sure that will become apparant to the judge. Let us know how it goes.<BR>much love,<BR>cd

Unsure,<BR> <BR>I am sorry for all the problems, ow is causing to you and your family. Like gemini said these women won't stop at nothing. I should know, it has been 9 months since DD, and h xow, continues to make our lives impossible. <P><BR>I will advise you to file for childsupport for you and your children, so you can lower ow childsupport amount. I did it to protect my children.<P>I no longer attend court hearings with h, since claiming separation, but I did the first two times, and the court officer will not let me go inside the courtroom, I will have to wait in the waiting are. Ow will bring oc to court, h xow bring oc to court everytime that there is a hearing.<P>You have such a wonderful MIL, can I borrow your MIL? MY MIL has taken side with ow, and has welcome ow and oc in to her house, I no longer speak to her. <p>[This message has been edited by mina29 (edited August 15, 2001).]

Mina and CD<P>Thank you both very much for your kind words and wisdom. We have to go to court on Monday I'll will defintely post an update. CD from what your saying when the judge called your H name you walked up with him correct? From what I've heard this is done in open court and everyone in the courtroom can hear what's going on. I have no problem with being assertive I just hate going up in front of a judge. The last time I went was when she lied a had me arrested I went through 5 months of H--L before the charges were dropped. I'll look at this differently though I'm not being accused of anything. I'll pray long and hard and asked God to give me the strenght to get through it.<P>Do you guys think a judge will ever give a ruling and oc can't be around me his wife? I don't have a crimnal record, never been on drugs, and I have three healthy children. My H said if they did something like that he wouldn't exercise his right to visitation. At this point like Gem said ow or like Mina says x-ow ;o) doesn't realize how much I mean to my H.<BR>He won't do anything to lose me. (we'll anything else)I know I hold the cards. <P>I'm sorry that a child is suffering but that's up to ow to take care of her childs well being. OW doesn't have custody of her other three kids her mother does. I would never tell my H to take her to court and try and get custody because I don't know if I want to take care of someone else's child. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I know I shouldn't but I feel guilty sometimes for oc. I have a soft spot for children and I wonder if ow is neglecting the child. One of my relatives is her neighbor in an low income housing complex and she say's ow told her the baby is staying with her mother because it too hot in her house since she doesn't have AC. So at this point oc doesn't even live with her! My H and I feel that she doesn't want the baby she only thought it would get him to be with her more. <P><BR>Thanks again for everyone's advice any more will be appreciated and I'll keep you updated.<P>Unsure<BR>